Do you think it is selfish to have only one child?

Question

My husband and I have only one child and although we love her dearly, we are thinking we may not want anymore. We both work full time jobs and I feel guilty enough leaving her in daycare for 50 hours a week. I am concerned that she will "miss out" somehow if she doesnt have a sibling to share her life with.
Are there any single children that can answer on how if felt to NOT have a sibling? Anyone that has a single child household? any advice at all?

Answer 1

I am an only child and honestly, I'm thrilled! I was spoiled to death by everyone around me, I never missed having that pain in the butt little sister or brother my friends always had to follow us around all day and I learned how to be more independent. It doesn't matter if they end up with no siblings, what matters most is how you raise them. I couldn't have asked for a better life - I am definitely better off without sisters or brothers.

Answer 2

I am a single child. My mom lost a baby when I was ten. I would've loved a sibling, but I am a sane balanced person. I have a son and would love for him to have a sibling; unfortunately I have a heart condition and may not be able to have any more children. Personally, I would like to have another baby, because it gets lonely when you are an only child. If you can give your baby a sibling, in my opinion, I think you should. Sometimes I think about when I have to take care of my own parents, how will I manage? I'm alone. I don't have anyone else to share my thoughts, my frustrations, my sadness. I have my son, but I don't want to be a burden to him. Believe me, I wish I would be blessed enough to have more children; so my case is different than yours because you actually have a choice. But I'm blessed to have my baby.

Think it through; and do what you think is best for your family. Good luck!

Answer 3

I was raised an only child. The only issue I ever had growing up was never having anyone to blame the broken lamp on, or pick whatever a child might get into and break. Blaming it on the cat never really worked...

I really don't feel like I missed out on anything when it comes to siblings, to be honest I'm rather glad I didn't have any when I see the bitter fights that I see friends of mine with siblings get into with their siblings. I was never one of those kids that had imaginary friends, I was a pretty normal kid growing up.

If you don't want more children, by all means, don't have any more children. You'll have more love, time and money to devote to one child, versus spreading it out among another or many children.

Answer 4

My best friend is a single child. She used to say she felt she missed out by not having siblings but when she got married her husband and her decided to only have one child... so I figure it couldnt have been that bad. I think it has to do with "the grass is always greener on th eother side". I have 6 brothers and sisters and I always wanted to be an only child, while my best friend would have glady switched places with me (if only for a couple days).

Obviously your not being selfish because your looking to all aspects of it before you make a firm decision. If you were being selfish you wouldnt be concerned about how other people felt being single kids. Take care.

Answer 5

No it's not selfish, I have one and I'm done. I'm a single mom. My daughter is my life and I would do anything for her. But I had her young and I want to do more things with my life. She's 13 and I'm 34. If you don't want another child then so be it. Don't feel guilty, you have one and you love her right?? Then give her the world and live your life with no regrets!!!! I was not a single child, but sometimes it's true mothers can play favorites. My mother comes from a culture where the boys are more favored, I was the youngest but NEVER treated as such. But, I don't regret it, it made me who I am today. Strong and independent. There are pros and cons to being an only child, but do what makes you all happy!

Answer 6

No it is not selfish- you would be selfish if you had another child considering your lifestyle situation. And no, an only child doesn't miss a beat- in fact, they are the center of attention for their parents, their grandparents, their uncles, etc. Having another sibling is no guarantee that they will get along-- that experience is worse, especially if they turn out to be same sex (girls especially) and their is extreme jealousy amongst them. I have 2 girls, 3 1/2 yrs apart, and they are 23/26 now and they STILL DO NOT GET ALONG---It was constant bickering, fighting, and moaning who got what and we ALWAYS played fair with all their presents, even to this day. But there is severe animosity between the two of them- both are beautiful, one is blonde and one brunette- So, I hope I clarifyed that you are not being selfish--because you are not, the alternative may be more than you are able to handle with your work schedule.

Answer 7

I come from a long line of only children, and I'm the first to break the tradition! I missed the company of siblings when I was growing up but I suppose that was amplified because I was allowed to do so little that involved other children (my parents had very high standards and were quite strict!) As long as your little one mixes with plenty of other children, she will be able to learn valuable social skills and she'll have the benefit of being around other little people without the stress and infighting that comes along with competing with a sibling.

Sometimes I think that I should have just stuck to having one child - don't get me wrong I adore my children, but they are as different as chalk and cheese and continually fight like cat and dog. I've come to the conclusion that the only time they will ever get along is when they leave home and just meet up to socialise!

The other important thing you have to remember is that if there is any significant age gap between siblings, the first child can feel somewhat put out by a new baby encroaching on their territory. The novelty value of a new baby soon wears off when number one child realises just how much of mummy & daddy's time is spent devoted to the baby - it can be a bitter pill to swallow when the first child realises that mummy & daddy's world doesn't revolve around just them any more.

Personally, I'd stay as you are and shower her with love and attention like you are doing - she can get anything else she needs from having friends.

Answer 8

Quite the opposite. I think it's selfish to have a lot of children and I commend you on doing your part to curtail overpopulation and global pollution. Sibling rivalry will NOT be something your child will have to deal with, and she will feel all the more special for it. How about a family dog or cat that would belong to her for companionship? I was a single child until my sister came along 8 years later, and I still remember how totally my parents changed towards me. It was like I didn't exist anymore. Not saying that you would do that, but it can be quite inadvertent. Parents are only human and they can easily have "favorites." I don't know how old your daughter is, but maybe you could ask her, indirectly, if she would like a baby brother/sister. If she says no, then you needn't feel guilty. If she says yes, then it's "we'll see."

Answer 9

if your child still a baby i think its fine just to have one child for now because it cost money to put your child in daycare and its kinda bad to left ur child with someone else other than parents for a loong time. 1st its bad for your child habbit your child can learn a bad habbit from the day care giver.
2nd the child might get confuse which one is the parents.

BUT

to be the only child in the family is also have the bad effect.
when your child need to talk about something that they feel that the parents should dont know a lot of times first they talk to their siblings (if they have good relationship) then talk to friend and the last one might be the parents.
the first friend is should be the family. but since the child have no one that have almost the same age then the child probably go to friend, but what if this child have wrong type friend and endup in drugs or those kinda thing.

my suggestion is 2 kids . sounds good



i have one sister
love her

Answer 10

Don't worry so about it. Love your child. Provide her with the support and understanding she'll need. Teach her the skills that will take her far into a happy life. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt that you will raise your daughter to have self-respect, confidence, and integrity enough to make the best of what she was blessed with, whether it includes a life with siblings or not. We already waste too much time in our "The Grass is Greener" state of mind. Make the best of what you have and what you will be given in life.

And besides, how can you say this may be a selfish act, considering one of your main concern includes the welfare of your daughter and her 50 hours away from her mother.

Answer 11

No.
I respect people who do not make these decisions based on what other people want or expect. I had a cousin and a good friend who were both an only child and they did not miss out on anything I had with 2 brothers. In a way I think they had some advantages. Make sure your child has lots of other children around and teach her social skills - like sharing. She will be fine. You need to make the right decision for you.