Whats the best way to tell your child about their father?

Question

I am pregnant right now. They are thinking I am due in the middle of Feb. One thing I have been thinking about even though I know I have some time to go yet is when my baby boy is going to ask me about his father. I loved his father and I was going to marry him. Unfortunately he started to get abusive towards me and he wouldn't get help like I asked him. So I couldn't stay. I asked the father if he wanted anything to do with his child and he told me it wasn't his. Anyone have any idea's of how to tell a child this?

Answer 1

Good for you that during this time of wild hormones you were able to get yourself out of a bad situation!!
Your child will be fine. You will be the perfect mom for him, and all you can really tell him when the time comes (it won't be for a loooong time!) you will be able to honestly say that you loved his daddy, even more because he gave him YOU. You will have time to research, ask professionals and others a good way to handle this in a few years when he starts asking.

May I suggest that within the first week of your child's life that you file for FULL legal and physical custody. You will NOT be sorry that you took those steps to ensure that YOU will be the only one to make decisions for your child, that your child will live always with you, and you will never have to worry if some time down the road this man will try to get shared custody. Beg, borrow or steal money for an attorney. It is worth it!!
Congrats and good luck!

Answer 2

When to begin telling him about his father is up to you. Some people choose to start at the very beginning as a way to help fill the void before it engulfs them and others choose to wait until they are asked in order to provide as much information as possible, including the reason why you couldn't stay together, when the child is more mature.
I would say that if you want to start from the beginning, tell your child about how you met, and the good moments you shared with his father. Most importantly, tell him how much love you felt (feel) for his father so that he can come to know and love the man you knew before he became abusive.
Be forewarned, there will come a time where your son will want to know why you felt you had to leave someone you loved so much. He may be 5, or 15, but it will happen. Be honest and explain to him that, in spite of the love you felt for one another, there were things being done that weren't good for you, or him, and that you chose to leave in order to protect everyone.
Keep in mind that these are only suggestions, and that you are free to word your explanation in any way you deem fit. I support you as strong woman who has chosen to survive and wish you all the best.

Answer 3

I have a nephew who is in the same situation. He is currently 6 years old and doesn't know who his father is. The good thing is that he has never asked about his dad. At least not yet. To him all there is is Mommy and a whole bunch of other people who love him. I think that when a child finally gets the courage to ask about his father then he'll be old enough for you to tell him the truth!

Answer 4

Children only need to know the answers to questions they ask and even then sometimes they are too young to understand. I think sometimes it is best to fib a little. My ex-husband is in our childs life after spousal abuse and I believe that you need to relax a little. He may change his mind about his child once he confronted with him. Our son is unaware of the circumstances to our separation and he is 8 and never even asked it is just what it is. You have many years yet to ponder how to answer your sons question and don't put the cart before the horse cause life has a way of changing very quickly. If he still doesn't want to be apart of this childs life after the child is born then you can decide if you want to tell him but I wouldn't. Step dads are amazing individuals and I wish you the best of luck in the future for you and your son.

Answer 5

My 16 year old cousin never knew his dad (his mom was a slut and his dad was in and out of prison) last year, his dad started writing him letters from prison and his dad's parents tried to take him away from my grandparents because they have all of his other kids too. But anyway, he has had anger issues his whole life, he just got a DUI and before he could drive he got an MIP, so what does this tell us, babies need DADDIES!! Take a DNA test to prove to him that he is the father, then set up supervised visitation, just because the two of you can't be together (not trying to sound like it's your fault you aren't together-I understand why you left) but this child still needs a father, no matter what.

Answer 6

Gosh I am sorry to hear that. I don't know what the best answer is. I am in that same situation with both of my kids father. My oldest ones father only calls when he wants money and hardly asks about her. I haven't heard from him in one year. She is always asking about him she is nine and I just change the subject. I don't want to degrade him in front of her so I will have to let her find out on her own and be there for her when she realizes that her father is a asshole. As for my youngest she is four her father denies her and it is sad because she is so sweet. Both of my children are. She has never seen her father and because my oldest one is always asking about her father my youngest one does the same. I will have to explain to them when they are old enough to understand that i am not being mean when I explain their fathers. Hopefully they will see in the long run as well as with your child that you were the one there being supportive and understanding through all that they have been through their life. Take is slow. You will know when the time is right.

Good luck to your new baby

Answer 7

Ok, after the baby is born, get your friends or family to help.
Get your family to go with you to domestic relations and file for child support....and if he objects to paying a certain amount every month, he can prove he's the dad ...or not....by submitting to a DNA test.

He has 18 years to help to support, and for you to save some for the baby's education....Get all the help you need!
Don't worry about telling the child anything....just love and support the child. When the child's old enough, the child will ask, you will smile and answer everything.

GOOD luck.

You deserve to be in a ROCKING RELATIONSHIP....AND I'M SO GLAD YOU GOT OUT WHEN YOU DID.
....I waited years, and I paid in many ways!

Answer 8

As a child who is still waiting to know about her father from her mother, I think that the best thing to do is be patient. Tell your babay when he/she is able to understand the significance of your act. But please...please... don't keep your child guessing for too long. Even though he/she may not say anything, it will be a daily thought. Good luck on your impending motherhood!!

Answer 9

Don't tell him anything right away. If he asks, just tell him his daddy doesn't live nearby or something. By the time he is old enough to understand, you might not even have to say anything to him; a lot can happen in ten or twelve years, so don't stress about it now. Your baby isn't even born yet; enjoy your son now, and worry about that a few years from now. Good luck!

Answer 10

There really is something to be said for dating and getting married BEFORE becoming pregnant. You have just pointed out a very good reason.

I know it's too late for YOU on that now, but maybe another young girl could be spared your problem.

The guy obviously doesn't want any part of the kid, so I wouldn't try to justify his parenthood. Perhaps by the time the kid asks the question, you'll be married to a REAL father!

Good luck