Serious depression (and it's all because i can't get girls)?

Question

For some reason my sole purpose in life at the minute is to get a girlfriend/girls' approval. I seem to place it as no. 1 in my life plans. More than a career, money etc. So much that I feel its affecting everything in my life. I have trouble sleeping, I'm grumpier than ever at home, I snap at my mum, I forget things, I beat myself up and I did cut myself once. I seemed to have had this fantasy to do something notorious like drugs or crime. Its not fair that people would suffer because of my personal problem. Girls have rejected and ridiculed me in the past-shunned, name called, been called 'ugly'-the lot. so much to the point that its led to years of distrust and fear of them. I cannot even look at them in public for fear that they will judge me or hurt me somehow. I am just plain looking apparently. Does that affect how girls view you positively?

Answer 1

When you are younger, unfortunately girls do seem to go for looks, its a status thing. You have got to remember when you are young you are just starting out on life's journey, there is so much you have to go through before you can start to know what it is that makes you really happy. Things never stay the same, so dont think you will always feel like this. There are genuine girls out there who lack self confidence the same as you. People can be horrible, especially when you are younger, they dont think that people have feelings and dont mind saying horrible things to bring you down. I honestly dont know what it is. Maybe its to show they are "cool" and want to fit into the "cool" set. It doesnt always remain the same, believe me and boys seem to age much better than girls anyway. When my son was 12 to about 16, he was considered fat and was constantly being called names. It hurt him terribly. When he was 17 he started to change, he got taller and man, is he a good looking guy now. He is 19. He is 6ft 3" tall, and girls are just after him all the time. He has been out and met some girls he used to know at school and the tables have really turned. He is the one getting all the attention and they are just plain janes sitting in the corner. Some of them have come up to him and wanted to take it further with him. He just laughs at them and says he doesnt go for "ugly, fat girls" He has gotten his revenge, and you will get yours. You will not always be the way you are. You will change both emotionally and physically and I guarantee you will find your perfect girl, one who loves you for who you are, not what you look like. I bet youre not ugly, I bet you are not just average looking. I bet you have more depth to your soul than anyone else around you. Just wait, things will change. I know its hard to do because you want results now. All you can do is to keep in the back of your mind that things never stay the same. The only thing you have to stop yourself from doing is to become so bitter and angry that you will not recognise when someone really good comes into your life. That happens a lot. You have to take nasty comments and ignore them somehow. It is not you, it is the people who are saying these things that have the real problem. The majority of people as they get older will not deliberately hurt anyone, and the ones who do are very shallow and not worth a second look. The people who will say nasty things to you will get their own in the end. They will the ones who will end up alone because they have not learnt anything about life except looks and status and its those kind of people who will be shunned in the future. Just take one day at a time. Open your mind up to new possibilities. Dont judge all girls by the ones who have given you a hard time because there are some wonderful caring girls out there and if you think all girls are the same then you will never meet your "special" lady. Be open to everything. Take chances. Dont do drugs or crime because that will land you up in jail and believe you you dont want to go there because all you will get are the attentions of another man. It will happen for you, believe it because it will, I have no doubts about that. You just have to give yourself the time. Just a tip. Girls/women love confidence in their man. If you are forever thinking of the worst and acting like no-one loves you then its a real turn off for most people. You need to hold your head high. Laugh at the idiots who call you names. Hang around with positive, good people. Dont stay on your own. Start making changes. Start doing things that will set you apart from all the other boys. Excel in something, show these shallow women that you are more than just your exterior. Dont be angry, show the world how confident you are and in no time at all you will have the girls crowding around you. Confidence in yourself is the key. You have to stop viewing yourself so negatively. You have to say to yourself every single day what a nice guy you are. Look in the mirror and pick something nice about you. Your eyes maybe, tell yourself you have lovely eyes. Tell yourself that you are capable of giving a special girl so much love and attention. Tell youself that its the girls who are missing out on the best guy in their life. If you tell yourself often enough how good you are, you will start to project that confidence to all who are around you. Stop not looking at girls for fear of what may or may not happen. Look them directly in the eye and while you are doing that tell yourself they are missing out on the best time of their lives. The only person you can change is yourself. Make positive changes, start thinking positive things. All the negative stuff you are thinking, get rid of it, replace it with something good. The mind is a powerful tool in turning your whole life around. You do have the ability to change the way you think about yourself. I guarantee once you start acting confident everything will be totally different for you.

Hold your head high and remember you are just as important as anyone else in this whole wide world. You are no-one's inferior...You are equal.

Answer 2

God is your reply. I realize you may also now not be given that, so my reply coming from a ladies factor of view: Make peers. It isn't difficult it doesn't matter what someone says. You simply ought to develop a couple and placed your self in the market. You are in university, take a look at becoming a member of the ones Fraternities. Then realize that you are going to reside your entire lifestyles now not being equipped to have what you wish. You can both recover from it and transfer on, or live depressing for the leisure of your lifestyles. Personally, that simply does now not sound like a well lifestyles. Next, get the notion of suicide from your head. Whether you believe so or now not, it's egocentric to kill your self and I promise you that men and women shall be harm. Resolve the conflicts along with your household. You will remorse it someday if you don't. I understand it is difficult, however you'll love men and women from a distance. I want I would support you out extra with the woman, however you have got to deal with your self first. No offense, but when I don't believe I would be with a person such as you. Women wish a powerful guy (Not actually) So be powerful.

Answer 3

Aww, I feel so sorry for you hearing this. It's a hard one, but maybe a makeover? You should be confident no matter what you look like. Try social clubs aswell to get to know more girls.
Also, girls won't hurt you in public, you just need confidence.
Oh and you should try talking to someone about your problems because it sounds as if it could get worse.

Answer 4

no matter what, the #1 MOST important thing is for YOU to view Yourself Positively. u can't get anyone's apporval, u will never be "good enough" until YOU feel that you are.

next, u have to constantly seek and learn and Improve yourself in a Positive fashion. whatever you Want to be, make little changes to your regimine and WORK at it. trust me, the more u work at something and achieve, the more confidence u will have in yourself, as well as actually do something Productive in your life.

knowing that people judge you is extremely debilitating... i understand, i used to be extremely shy and felt so ugly about myself, and thought no one would appreciate or know me even if i was smart, because of my looks. i thought people were laughing and making fun of me, even strangers (sometimes i still feel that way, but i ignore it.. i mean, am i really that Vain that i think everyone is talking about me? =T)

now, my advice to u is coming from the heart, cuz i have experienced it ok?

1) work on your Appearance: work out, exercise, get some stress out!! develop your strength, as well as you body. eat right, be healthy. take care of your skin, get a new haircut, get some new, flattering clothes. it won't happen overnight, but once u start going it makes a HUGE change in how you VIEW yourself; that u can transform from "ugly" to "ok" to even "good looking" :)

2) work on your MIND: study. learn more, keep an open mind. read more, learn about current events, excel at hobbies, get involved in activities. the more you KNOW, the easier it will be for you to have things to talk about with people.

3) work on your RELATIONSHIPS: with ur family (try to be more patient w/ ur mother, involve her w/ ur life), with friends, with friends of friends (parties, get togethers, etc), eventually leading to speaking out more with Teachers, Employers, Co- Workers, even strangers on the bus or a coffee shop. the better you feel about your Appearance, the more u Know, the less you have to "worry" about, or be shy about.

remember to Always seek out what is Positive, Healthy, and Happy. that doesn't mean temporary happiness either (like trying to instantly gratify ur feelings of crime or drugs or even cutting urself).... seek what will be a Positive, Proactive thing that will help you in your Future.. cutting urself will not really help u in the future, except give u scars, sorry to say =T. but remember, don't feel GUILTY For all the mistakes u've made. let it go, forgive urself, and START OVER. the future means u have the ability to Change!!! just keep working on it..and the more u respect urself, the more others can too. u can do it.

hey sometimes i still feel ugly, but ultimately i've learned to Accept and Appreciate my uniqueness. i feel beautiful... in my own way. of course compared to models, and my best friend, i feel kinda blah, but my boyfriend loves me and thinks i'm beautiful, and i feel great. u know? so don't worry , and just keep trying for the best. even if u mess up again, it's ok. :)

Answer 5

It doesn't sound like you have to much confidence. If you have confidence, that will show. Maybe try and get a new outfit and a new hair style... and go out and try and be confident. Because that's really attractive, being timid and scared isn't going to get the girl.

Good luck Hun!

Answer 6

You have to stop looking so hard. This is causing you to look desperate to the girls you talk with. I will give you advice my dad used to give me before I went out with my friends for a night on the town: Go ugly early, never go home alone

Answer 7

how you look can affect it in someways, but your personality is what should be getting the girls! i would suggest to get some counseling or therapy, you have to fix yourself and get your confidence back before you can go after a girl. the girls that treated you that way are not the type you want as a g/f anyway!

Answer 8

Try not to let foolish people and their foolish ways ruin your whole life. Love yourself. Give your self time to find someone to love.

Answer 9

how u see urself is how we r going to see u. seriously u r kinda cute in ur pic but what u talk about doing is stupid. if u care more about other's approval u will b disappointed cuz we r trying to figure out who we r.

Answer 10

dont let it get 2 u like that!!! that right gurl will come.