I have another question about how to write a prayer. I wrote one, is it good?

Question

The guidelines are:
Line 1: One noun (love)
L2: Two adjectives to describe the noun seperated by "and"
L3: A verb (action word) and an adverb (describing the action)
L4: Start with "like..." and compare it to something
L5: Start it with "If only ..." and state what you with it could be

It's for a childrens prayer book, and I've been sitting here for an hour trying to figure out the perfect prayer to match the guidelines.
This is the one I made up:

Dear God, I love thee with all heart and soul
So God please help those with no true heart and an empty soul,
So that those people can live happily,
Like my family and myself,
If Only we could all feel happy.
Amen.

Is it good, and do you think it follows the guidelines pretty good? I stil have 2 more to go, so I wanna make sure i'm doing it right.

By the way, I'm supposed to make it up on my own, can't be from books, bible or internet.

Answer 1

Very inspirational...

Answer 2

You have followed the guidelines for writing a prayer. I am not certain the content is appropriate for a child.
You might want to think more in a child's terms. Look at a child's world, see things on their level. What does God give a child that the child knows of.........a child might not say I love thee with all my heat and soul, it's too adult sounding and a child will not relate well. A child might be more likely to say: Dear God, I know you love because you gave me my Mommy and Daddy.

A child can relate to the blessing of parents. Empty hearts and souls....I hope there are no children who can understand that.

I am sorry if I seem overly critical. I have written for children, it is not always an easy task.

Answer 3

Great work in keeping to the guidelines!

And a good prayer is all about wishing the best for others in their spiritual life too.

Sounds awesome.

One thing though, your assignment has you meditating on God, so God in your heart will inspire you to write better and better poems!

I'll bet you'll start to feel the love.

(BTW, I'm sure you know you don't need to capitalize "only"... just being picky now, lol.)

Answer 4

don't use happy & happily in the same prayer.

don't say "So God"

don't focus on the negative (those with no true heart and an empty soul)

keep repeating the prayer, changing it here and there and make it sound like it comes from the heart! (and will work for everyone from the near-saint to the worst sinner)

Answer 5

Prayers are not good or bad and you cannot tell someone how to pray, for that is their communication with God and for them only. By setting guidelines to a prayer you in turn do not allow for that communication between the person and God, which is a necessity in any religion.

The best way to learn how to pray is to tell God what you are really feeling and how you give thanks, ask for forgiveness, or ask for something to happen. Your prayer is generic and does not mean much as it does not apply to those who live in different situations. Thus it is well written, yet does not mean much.

Note:
Some of the best artists of their time were not appreciated until they died

Answer 6

It is beautiful. If you wanted to make line 3 rhyme with line two and omit using soul twice you could change the word to whole.

Example Follows:
Dear God, I love thee with all heart and soul
So God please help those with no true heart and "make them whole."
So that those people can live happily,
Like my family and myself,
If Only we could all feel happy.
Amen.

However, I still like it the way it is.

Answer 7

Prayer should not be a mere ritual, nor should it be read from a book; neither should prayer contain repetitive phrases as though repetition makes it more effective. And prayer should not be “performed” for show or to impress others. Jesus gave this good counsel about the form our prayers should take and what we should avoid: “When you pray, you must not be as the hypocrites; because they like to pray standing in the synagogues and on the corners of the broad ways to be visible to men. . . . When praying, do not say the same things over and over again, just as the people of the nations do, for they imagine they will get a hearing for their use of many words.”—Matthew 6:5-7.

No particular bodily position is prescribed for prayers to be heard. However, the one praying would need to be humble and respectful both in posture and in the words used in his prayer.

To whom should prayers be addressed?

The Bible book of Hebrews speaks of a person that “approaches God.” (Hebrews 11:6) Who is this God? There is but one almighty God, though there are many man-made and false gods. (1 Corinthians 8:5, 6) The almighty God of the Bible is named Jehovah. (Psalm 83:18) He is the Creator of all things, and for this reason prayer should be directed only to him. Jesus Christ clearly taught his followers to pray: “Our Father in the heavens.” (Matthew 6:9) No, Jesus did not teach his disciples to pray to him, to his mother Mary, or to any other person. But God now requires that we recognize the position of his Son and offer all our prayers in Jesus’ name. That is why Christ told his followers: “No one comes to the Father except through me.”—John 14:6.

For prayers to be acceptable to God, then, they must be addressed to Jehovah God through his Son, Jesus Christ. That is, they must be said to God in the name of Jesus.

Answer 8

Dear God of Love,

You are faithful & true Love.

Thank you for perfectly protecting my family and friends,

like my mom & dad and my friend Sally.

If only we could all feel your love more and more.

Amen

I don't like the part that prays So God please help those with no true heart and an empty soul.

Answer 9

I thought the adjectives were supposed to describe the first noun (love). Like - (L2)-"My love is true and beautiful"
(L3) -"Who could happily live without you?"
(L4)- "Like a summer's breeze your love refreshes me."
(L5)-"If only all could feel that breeze"

Just an idea.

Answer 10

Hm, I was never taught to pray like that. It sounds different.

But it looks fine to me. I would only fix the second line. Sounds like you mean to describe the noun "love", and not the nouns "heart" and "soul"; thus, something like "absolute, unchanging love" or something.

At least, I think so.

Answer 11

It's ok to call God "You" Thee is just the old school way of talking. Children may not understand what it means. I don't like line 2 - it sounds judgmental and weird.