How do I give my son more attention without him thinking he is getting away with being bad?

Question

My son is 5 and just started kindergarden. He is the middle child with 2 beautiful and very smart sisters on either side of him. He has learned to be funny in order to stand out among them.
Now that he has started school, that class clown attitude has carried over to the classroom. The reward system seemed to work for a while for a week of good behavior, but not anymore. I can tell his teacher is fed up, but he is just such a sweet boy she gives in to him. He has started waking up with nightmares the past couple weeks and has even wet the bed, which is very unusual. After thinking about it, and listening to him, I think he is grasping for attention...and to be set apart from his sisters and the other kids in his class in a good way but he doesn't know how. How do I give him the attention I think he is looking for without it being percived that I am rewarding his bad behavior? Also, how do I encourage him to be himself while making him understand he can't be that way in school?

Answer 1

Wetting the bed is not unusual for a 5 yo, its completly normal.

Using PR (positive reinforcers (the reward system) Can have a negative impact on his siblings, if he gets the reward system then they have to recieve it as well.

Then if one child recieves a significantly less amount of rewards than the rest, then that child may feel it is usless to try because they dont recieve the same amout of prizes as the rest of the children

Then you may feel it is nessasary to lower the standards for that child to recieve a PR. Then the other child that has recieved the most will say well this isnt fair and wont try as hard.

See what im saying PRs are good but should not be used primarly for rewarding good behavior because they can cause many more problems that didnt exist before.

I dont know what you all are doing on a daily basis, but try to have more family time. Where the whole family does something fun, educational, at LEAST once a week. They way they all get attention and you dont feel like you are rewarding him for bad behavior.
Plus if you focus attention to just him, trying to counter his bad behavior, he may catch on to that, (kids are smart) and keep up the bad behavior to get more attention.

My reccromendation a unreputable as it may be lol is more focused family time, activaly doing fun "stuff" together.

Let the children (wene they have been behaving) choose the activity. ok and Im spent back to work for me.

Answer 2

I just had a question similar to this with my six year old and I got some good advice. But the best thing I found was that all that clowning and attention grabbing was a way to fit in somewhere. After we found an activity that my daughter enjoyed and fit her "personality" with other children she could relate to(gymnastics) the behavior started to go away as she built friendships and confidence while being herself. Also it was something we could do alone since her brother had no interest in this. May be this could help your son, try Tae Kwon Do, T-ball, or your local YMCA might have some great after school programs for his age.

Answer 3

I agree with the others that he needs that alone time with you if you can possibly swing it off without the girls tagging along.

Another thing though that I'd like to mention here, is. You should ignore him when he's being the clown.. and not ignore him when he's not being that way. Always remember, reinforce good habits/behaviors,and ignore the negative. He will soon learn that when he's not acting up he will get attention.
Any child will seek attention in whatever format works for them, if one isn't working for you.. then just change it for him and make it easier on him to get attention the positive way.

Answer 4

Plan a day to spend just with him. It won't be a "reward" to get some time with Mom, it should just be like a normal activity. Also, sit down with him every night and do homework or read together - something educational. That will be like helping him in more than one way. Finding a sport for him to play (if he doesn't already) that his sisters don't play could help, too.

Answer 5

When my son went through this, I spent time with him alone, like when I went shopping I only took him, or any other errands I had to run I only took him. It gave us time to talk about school, and life in general. It really seemed to help, plus it didn't really take time away from his siblings, because I usually ran errands alone. The extra alone time will allow him to open up more.

Answer 6

Use the gold star system. For every week he is good, both at home and at school, give him a prize at the end of the week. Things like no chores for two days, or a toy etc.

Good luck.