What would YOU do if ...?

Question

1. You were in a marriage that hasn't worked.
2. There is a kid involved.
3. Both partners have decided to stay as family as it is.
4. The female partner has very very low sex drive.
5. The female partner is genuinely happy if the male partner wants to be involved in another relationship.

P.S. I didn't say it's me!!

Answer 1

Talk this thing out. Set some ground rules if you want to establish another relationship. I stongly recommend that you look for a relationship and not just sex, not just friends with benefits either though it may start out that way. To the extent that she is comfortable with knowing, let her know exactly what your doing, who your seeing and how much you like this person. A long term committed loving relationship is not out of the question. Let the other person know that your wife is part of your life and that will never, never change, no matter how involved you become with her.

If you exclude your wife from knowing this other woman, knowing what your doing (and I don't mean all the sexual details) and when, giving your wife an opportunity to know her (her choice to act on it) then your marriage will fail and badly.

Honesty, which it seems that you have with your wife, is key.

What you should be looking for is some form of polyamory.

I have much (though not in every way) the same situation here for the past 15 years and my marriage is wonderful. But it takes work and honesty.

If you'd like to learn more about this you can find out more information at:

http://www.polyamorysociety.org/

or you can email me. I have an email link in my Answer profile.

Answer 2

A friend on mine was in a similar situation to this around 10 years ago.

There was long discussions about Divorce, they went to councilling and decided they would stay together.
I think the main reason was because of the children, most kids do suffer because of the break up no matter how much adults tell themselves otherwise.

They stayed for a completely unselfish reeason and i admire them for that although i'm not sure i would do the same.

She had a brief fling, he did too a few years later but they are now back together as a normal couple because they enjoy being with each other.
I'm not sure about the sex situation, us guys don't discuss that as much as you girls but i guess everythings ok or close to it.

I'm sure many will disagree with what they decided, some may say well done, i just know that their 2 children are now in a loving enviroment with both parents, and most of all they are happy together.

Maybe not the answer for you, it might not end up being the same success but it's something to think about.

Answer 3

Its difficult as theres usually the financial aspect of ending a long term relationship which is why some people stick at it, even when they have lost the will to carry on in the sex/loving bit. Its best to be honest with all parties, its not worth suffering, you have the right to a life, even if it hasnt worked out the way you planned. There is no guide book to life and things change, the best way to move forward is to find out what you dont want your life to turn out like, then move towards what you can achieve to make things better. Communicate with the partner and say exactly how you are feeling, rather than letting them dictate to you the way things should be.

Answer 4

If that were the case with my marriage and my husband was perfectly happy with me being with other men, then I would leave. The child will never benefit from a deranged relationship between his parents and that shouldn't be an issue. The child should go with the parent who is a better role model for him or her. I get so sick of people blaming lack of sexual desire on the fall of their marriage. If you truely want other partners, then you need to leave the one you vowed to only love and be with. You are supposed to forsake any others. I think you should pray on this. Your marriage is definately over, you just need to make sure your soul is okay. Good luck and GOD bless.

Answer 5

Ok, I was in the same boat. It will not work if you two stay in the same house. For your kid it would be better to have two homes, with two loving parents. If you play happy family and he sees one of you with different partners, could shock him. With us we live next door to each other. Our child can go to mom or dad. We both go to pta meetings and soccer games. And you know we are the only divorced parents that attend pta meeting together. My kid has alot of friends with divorces parents and he sees the difference. He has two parents who he can trust. You two can act as if you are happy but remember when you were a child, you knew when something was not right. Your kid will also feel that somethings not right. And what if he finds out that it was all not real? It could make him feel as if he was living a lie.
But whatever you decide to do, I hope it works out for you. It did for me and I am sooooooooooooooooooo happy.

Answer 6

Think of the kid. Always think of the kid...what's best for the kid in something like this depends on lots of stuff, eg is the kid happy for his dad to have a relationship with someone else, would the kid in fact be happier (in the long run) if his parents divorced etc etc

Answer 7

leave right now, your only kidding your self, you cant possibly have respect for each other if the male partner is happy sleeping around and deep down the female will be devestated, plus when the child grows up and leaves home what will you have left
NOTHING!
and you will realise you have spent 18 years together (misreble) when you could have been truly happy with someone else,
plus the child will know you are both truly not happy with each other, as he/she will pick up on the atmosphere,
the right thing to do is split

Answer 8

What is the problem then,you seem to have the best of both worlds,the only thing stopping you from going forward is you,but remember your child must never be upset or hurt in any way,sex drive has nothing to do with it unless you think its high on your priority list is it?put your house in order and have things the way you want them to be

Answer 9

Everything sounded fine until you got to 5.
So is he going to a prostitute, or is he going to find some woman to use for sexual favors? I don't know why the wife can't please her husband a few times a month.
I have a very low "house cleaning drive" but guess what- I do it three or four times a week. I have a very low "do laundry" drive but I do it. Sheesh! People are so unwilling to do anything that makes them the slightest bit "uncomfortable" and go hide behind their little neurotic issues.

Answer 10

Contact Relate.