Mums who are horrible to their kids - advice?

Question

There are two mums who are best friends that come to a lot of the same playgroups that I do. They have 2 kids each and they are constantly shouting at them, threaghtening to smack them, making unreasonable demands and generally being horrible to their children. They seem to expect their toddlers to do everything perfectly and go mad when that obvioulsy doesnt happen. They never praise them, they are always picking at them for completely unimportant thingsd like their shoe has a scuff on -"Right thats it they're wrecked you stupid girl I only just bought them", and other such things.
My question is, is it any of my business that they do these things? Is what theyre doing against the law in any way or is it just strict parenting. Can I do anything? I feel really bad for these kids.

Answer 1

It is very hard to turn a blind eye to this kind of poisonous pedagogy and abuse of children. Sadly, I have learnt that there is little you can do. If you are confident enough to say something to the people that run the playgroup, that may be a way forward. Maybe the playgroup owners could instigate a group discussion on the benefits of positive parenting.
There is little that can be done until physical abuse is banned in UK. Until then this kind of parent will always legally be able to abuse their children in public. And we just have to stand aside and watch helplessly. If only Tony Blair would follow the lead of Sweden instead of USA.
Don't become apathetic and resigned to this though. Why not join the NSPCC and pledge support for the 'Full Stop' campaign?
Good luck.. Oh yeah ... give yourself a big 'well done' treat for recognising this intolerable behaviour. To own a dog in UK we need a dog licence - but anyone can have a child.

Answer 2

Depending on the extent it could be mentally abusive. it's definately not healthy for them to do that.

If it was me I'd say something to them. My sister had a friend that was like that and if she would make little comments to her here and there. Not directly say "your a bad parent" but you know, help her see that whatever the mother is freaking out about is not something that she should be. Like the shoe scuff thing, my sister would probably say oh, my kid does that every time she gets new shoes.. it'll come out by using this or doing that... and the kid that gets screamed at all the time is actually an awesome kid, and we make sure to vocalize that. We'd say " oh austin, you're so smart.. or you're such a good helper.. or praise them on.. whatever. that way even if the mom doesn't get the clue that they have a great kid and should appreciate him, then at least the kid is getting praise from somewhere.

Answer 3

They sound a little harsh, but at least they are attempting to discipline their children, that is not child abuse. I would say that these women are possibly scared that their child might turn out to be neds and are trying to ensure that doesn't happen by being cruel to be kind. I wouldn't feel bad for these children, because if they remain strict with them right through childhood then they will grow up to good people. I'd rather see a stricter upbringing like this than an upbringing where they have their children on a pedestal and are subserviant to their children, like the parent is the childs servant, that only makes the child think that they are in charge and come 14 or 15, they will have no respect, and I'm afraid this is how we come to have chavs, because they were let away with everything when they were toddlers and small children. I think with children, you have to have a pecking order, parents are the childs betters, the parents are in charge and the child should respect and obey their parents and they should be disciplined when they step out of line, I don't know whether I agree with smacking, but they should be disciplined with something they don't like or something. Probably you think I'm terribly hard for telling you how I think it should be, but being like this when they are young will bear fruit in the teenage years.

Answer 4

Speaking to your children in a less loving way than you should is (sadly) not against the law. BUT! Think of it this way, if they are willing to treat and talk their kids like that in public, imagine what they may be doing behind closed doors. I cant even count how many times I have called the cops on neighbors, strangers and even my own family for assumed child abuse or neglect. Even if the mother isnt doing any physical harm to her child, wouldnt it make you feel better to just call the police anyway? What if these mothers ARE abusing their children.. then your call would have saved a child's life. If you do not know who these 2 women are, dont know where they live or really anything about them, you can still get their plate numbers on their cars. Call the police right away and report possible child abuse. Give them the vehicle descriptions (color, make , model, etc.) and tell them when you witnessed the supposed abuse and where they were when you saw it. Police can get her name and address within a matter of minutes with the license plate number alone. I say call!!! It's better to be safe than sorry!

Answer 5

I can't say too much because I do get angry with my kids I yell and can make unreaasonable demands but on the other hand I praise them hug them and let them be kids. Sometimes they just get my soo upset that I don't know what to do so I yell and when i calm down we talk I do apologise( sometimes depends on the situation) and can move on. I am not a mean mom or overly strick. Every parent has there way of doing things I may not agree with you and you may not agree with me but they are our children and unless the children are in an unsafe unloving enviornment it is the parents right! I think I made my self sound like someone who yells all the time i am really not maybe once a week.

Answer 6

You can report as mental abuse... the parent is obviously feeling insecure and is making the child feel the same way... the parent needs a bit of counciling.. if the parents is at the same playgroup as you..then perhaps saying something to the playgroup organiser or to your health visitor will help the parent and the child.. something has to be done ..as the child .. in later life will feel very insecure and not which way to turn..

Answer 7

It breaks my heart when parents mistreat their children. In this day and age, children need all the support and encouragement they can possibly get to succeed in this world. I wish more parents understood that. I can't imagine why parents who would take the time to take their children to a play date would berate their kids so much. It's not against the law to pick on them for small inconsequential things, and I'm glad that is so as I have a bad day here and there and end of apologizing to my children for being short of patience. I would try to be a good example when you are around these parents. Make a point of saying positive things to your own children, especially like "Oh, honey, it's okay that you scraped your shoe. I'm just glad you are okay. That's what's important." Maybe you being positive will make the other parents think.

Answer 8

those are the variety of comments that carry tears on your eyes...Bless... Im so sorry for this occasion you're in, i won't be able to think of how stressful it would nicely be. Spend as plenty time along with her as you may - even nonetheless seems such as you have been doing that already - with the aid of fact it's going to probably be maximum severe for her which you're along with her. Brace your self for a stressful time comin up, sweetie, yet only undergo in recommendations that it will no longer final perpetually, you will finally be waiting to ensure the gentle on the tip of the tunnel and get returned on the right music.. And only undergo in recommendations that only with the aid of fact she's left this existence, does no longer mean she's long previous... She'll constantly be observing over you. Do her proud, and don't enable all of us inform you that's not precise to grieve. stable success contained in right here couple of hours sweetie, and that i'm hoping you and your Dad can get via this time arising ok mutually and that i'm hoping issues get plenty greater effective for you quickly. Bless

Answer 9

its not against the law just because they are speaking to them like that, though it should be because i reckon its just as damaging to them! its not strict parenting its being abusive of being a parent full stop! I have contacted social services myself over something simalar and was told no further action would be taken because they would rather i would able to come back with further evidence for example hitting or smacking, thank fully i have not yet seen this happen but it makes you wonder, what do parents have to do to be persued over the matter?

Answer 10

i've witnessing mothers even slap their wailing kids in public in asia where i live.so...it's sometimes how certain ppl is brought.up its the ethnics ..how they view kids.how they suppose kids are to be brought up" "seeing" but not "heard" certain parents were not cut out to be a parent,and they come into parenthood for the "wrong reasons" mostly to fill up a gap in society.or in their personal lives.or sometimes they are angry at their own spouses and vent it in their kids.isntead..its a vicious circle... what makes me antgonized the most is..that those are lil kids we are talking about.those kids have barely learn how to accept the world and get used to it.and are already treated this way...and some are not even hypers!! like i had my 4th child a son,but i have not ill treated him even does.if i were another type of parent.i guess that i have hurted him badly for the things he has been doing to me like beating..throwing things even money way..and used to beat up our pets and other kids..but now..he's ok thanx god. i viewed those parents as not wise.not qualified yet to have kids.i hope that in the future..parenthood will be regulated and limited to those who are older enough and matured to raise kids..for kids cannot raise kids..i was 18 when i first had my first child.but i was not that overbearing ,,i have been protective and loving mother,but today..my kids then adults and teens are ..a dissapointment.i guess that they needed have a mother like those described by you..unberable ,impatient and hysterical.so that they will learn how to give their mother more value.however i do not neglect be the type of mother that i were,.cos they were young,and it was my duty to be loving and patient.what they ve choosen to be right now.is their solely business not mine.for.,i won;t l ose out in the end.