I am a single mom who has been burned but also wonder if Im just doomed to not trust. I think my mom kinda ruined me because she always thought up crazy stuff about my dad. So, I never really trusted my exhusband and now I'm even more leery. I have to now worry about a guy being close to my kids. I don't want to be like this especially now that I'm seeing a guy I really really like. I had answers to my last question about him and people said that he seems like he's not a player. What about trusting my kids around him? My first instinct is to trust him, but I over-think that even! Am I just crazy? Anyone relate?
2006-11-16 05:24:08 · 15 answers · asked by johannacass@sbcglobal.net 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i can completely relate!!!! but as for your kids i think you should follow their reactions about the guy your seeing. if they like him and get a long good then 9 out of 10 times he's gonna be OK with them and vise versa. in my experience I've learned that my kids are often a better judge of character than i am, you should probably give your kids more credit than you do. kids can sense the good and bad in people.
2006-11-16 05:30:25 · answer #1 · answered by thinkofmealwayslver 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not at all crazy. You are only human. It is natural to feel the way you do after bad experiences in your previous life. Sometimes, really bad experiences can leave ugly scars that do affect our future relationships. It does not make you a bad person in any way, but a more protective mother and indiviual. If you are not at a comfort level of trust with the person you are seeing, just don't rush things and continue to take your time and feel things out. Think of the things that are important to you in a relationship and write them down, then take them one at a time and see if they are a part of your new relationship. If there is something you need to know, like his opinion on something, just ask him and when he respond, think carefully about his response and how you feel it would affect you and your kids. See if you are at ease with his response. Always keep your eyes and ears open and if he says something you are not sure of, ask what he meant, this way, you get a clear understanding of what he is telling you so later he can not say, that is not what I mean. As long as you are not at ease, don't rush anything. Just let it all flow and if he can not work with you that way, then he is not the one for you. Sometimes hiding your feeling too is not good. You should let him know how you feel so he does not misunderstand you either. Everything will be fine. Just follow your heart and pray that God will help you to make the right decisions and trust that he will. I wish you and your kids all the best and that you have a blessed day.
2006-11-16 05:46:18 · answer #2 · answered by killerlegs 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are crazy in the least. Everyone who has been hurt has some sort of trust issues. Trust is a difficult aspect in any relationship. Especially when there are kids in the picture. I am also a single mom in a new relationship after being crushed by my ex, however fear will not stand in my way of being happy. This man I am with is great to me and my children. It did take a few months before he met them, I was just being cautious. That is what being a parent...ahem, a good parent is all about. Second guessing yourself is never good, it hinders progress, and if your first instinct is to trust, then go ahead and trust. Trust untill he gives you a reason not to. Good luck and I hope my rambling helped ;)
2006-11-16 05:33:41 · answer #3 · answered by skittles 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm also a single mom w/ daughters so my biggest concern is to keep the girls safe (lot of whackos out there). I don't jump from one to the other b/c I don't want my daughters to think that's ok (to just sleep around) and I am always worried that they will get too attached to someone and then things won't work out. It's a tough position to be in. But I keep relationships casual (at least for appearances sake in front of kids), I am honest with my kids that things don't always last..and don't involve the kids too deeply too quickly into the relationship so they don't get hurt over & over. You have to let 'mommy instinct' be your guide along with women's intuition. And always put your children first. Trust him til the red flags start popping up or the gut instinct tells you otherwise. (and be smart - like don't leave him to babysit your kids when you've only known him a couple weeks - stuff like that)
2006-11-16 05:34:41 · answer #4 · answered by ohkathy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I am a single father, with sole custody of my 2 daughters, and I know what you might be going through. My advise and its just my opinion, you have to try and trust so you can get a foundation started and you can still be concerned (its natural for the protection of youself and the kids), but by all means never judge him by your past problems. Many guys are different and only because one was a butthole, does not automatically mean the next one is. I am also having my trust issues, but no matter what, my daughters come first, and then my heart to someone else. Good luck.
2006-11-16 05:33:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can relate. I have never been burned or cheated on that I know of. I have troubles with trust issues and just over thinking everything. From small to big I have these ridiculous thoughts. I let my bf borrow my phone last week and when I got it back a girl called and hing up. I called the number back and it was Baker Square. I thought he must be talking to someone from there. I didnt even think it was a coinsidence. So I asked him if he called someone in (310) area code. He said no. I was suspicious but let it go. Then later that night I got another call from them asking if I had reserved my holiday pie this year. How stupid of me but its that problem I have with my mind running away.
2006-11-16 05:31:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not easy to be a single mom and indeed, you do need to be cautious these days about people around your children, but you also need to learn to trust your own instincts, at times. No one can influence your heart. Mistrusting everyone is unhealthy because that simply means that you don't trust yourself. You know how to find out what you need to know by simply having a heart to heart talk with both your guy and your children and base your decision on what you'd learned from both sides.
2006-11-16 05:29:54 · answer #7 · answered by HGS 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am just like you and I am going through a hard time with my boyfriend now because of this. I think that being a single mom like us and going through heartache makes us not trust. I would say try to trust until you feel that he has given you a valid reason not to.
2006-11-16 05:32:04 · answer #8 · answered by Singlemom32 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally agree with "thinkofme" and "ohkathy" on this one, I can't say it any better than they have. I have two kids, age 12 and 7 and they come first before anything. I learned the hard way that no man is ever worth your children and that it's true kids are a better judge of character than we are sometimes.
2006-11-16 05:57:12 · answer #9 · answered by FoxyFoxy, Kickass Drama Queen 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am like u, a single mom with kids,,....--this is my theory
I trust someone until I have a reason not to and by all means ALWAYS trust your gut feeling even if you cannot explain why u feel that way
2006-11-16 05:26:28 · answer #10 · answered by sunbun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋