Anyone ever tried telling their bf/gf?

Question

that they needed to change the way they act? I am so torn between just waiting around hoping she'll figure out what I've been getting at or just laying it all out there and risking our relationship b/c I do care enough for her so that, if she did leave, she could be aware of this in her future relationships. Do I get greedy, try to keep her around? Do I act selflessly, hope she can do something about it in the future? Is there even a chance she'd stay if I told her? (If you want more details, you can read my last 2 or 3 Q's asked but I think this is merely a question of principle.)

Answer 1

(I read the other questions you asked.)
Generally, I don't think you have right to tell anyone that they "need to change the way they act". However, in this case you're trying to protect her from hurting herself (emotionally) so you're circumstances are a bit different. I don't think it would be wrong to passively suggest that you're worried about her. Maybe after she gives too much tell her that you love how caring she is but sometimes you're worried that she'll burn herself out. Make it's a positive; you don't want her to feel like she's being attacked. Let her know that you don't think other people appreciate her enough, but you appreciate her. If you say something along those lines everytime she seems close to burning out maybe she'll start to see your point. Don't randomly tell her-- she'll probably feel like you're attacking her and, like everyone else, don't appreciate what she does for you. Good luck!

Answer 2

Here's the thing- a real relationship is about being honest, and if you have a major issue with a particular way she's acting, nothing could be unhealthier than not saying anything and hoping it will blow over. First of all, she'll probably never change on her own. (There's quite a possibility that she wouldn't change even if you do tell her how you feel.) You need to ask yourself- isn't it better to tell her the truth and risk your relationship than to spend the rest of your days miserable with someone whose behavior you don't like? Just tell her in a non-threatening, gentle way, at a time when you're not arguing about anything, that whatever she's doing is bothering you and give reasons for why you feel that way. She may have never seen it your way before. Prepare for her to be hurt and/or angry, but then after that blows over, she might see it as you do and try to change it. Good luck!

Answer 3

Wow I am just taking a huge chance BUT you sound like my Randy and the issue sounds like it's regarding me.. Could this be you? If this is you Randy I would appreciate that you communicate this with me Via ASAP (If this is you babe, I knew something was up) If you love someone or care enough about this person and relationship you would tell them how your feeling. You can't just assume we can read minds. We do get vibes that somethings not right but if not communicated the relationship falls apart and (if this is Randy) I want to work out and work on a strong loving relationship..SO PLEASE Call me and we will work this out. I'm not paranoid but this sounds too familiar like you are my Randy.HUM? interesting. To give you a clue I called you around 12:30 today. If your not my Randy then this is what I would want.

Answer 4

You have to talk to her, but what is it that you really want out of the relationship. What do you need from her daily, weekly or monthly, be specific and let her know. Let her also know that it's nice that she wants to help everybody but sometimes it gets to be too much and is putting a strain on the relationship. You both have to come up with some sort of agreement on what is needed or expected from each other and you both need to give it an honest effort and enough time. If at any point your mind is giving you doubts or things have not improved, move on. It's pointless to continue a relationship based solely on the feeling of love.

Answer 5

Chances are your significant other isn't a mind reader. Somethimes we joke and tease about an annoying habit - but the person we're teasing doesn't realize that IT REALLY BOTHERS YOU unless you tell them directly.
It really depends on what the issue is as to whether or not she'll change her behaviour or walk. You should be more concerned with your decision to keep her around if she chooses not to change.

Answer 6

I would talk to her, but there is never a guarantee that she will stay or change. One of my ex's had some major issues. I told him several times and nothing changed. I finally ended our relationship and I've heard he's gotten a lot better, and that I supposedly opened his eyes by leaving him.

Answer 7

People you meet on an every day bases are excepted as they come or
you kick them to the curb.
What's the difference with this girl? Just find somebody that's just like you. Good luck buddy.
Next time you care, consider her feelings. Just steep off, leave her alone.
Remember he who lives in glass house should not throw stone.
NOBODY IS PERFECT!

Answer 8

yes i have tried telling my ex that he had to change the way that he act and treated me at times. and i tried holding on for so long but when its time to let go you just have to let go i guess. no your not being greedy by trying to keep her around thats true love and shes too blind to see that youre giving your all to pull through and make the relaationship work. she needs to realize that it takes two to make a relationship work and not just one. i dont think she'll leave you i think she'll try to work on it if she really loves you..... GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!

Answer 9

Yes, I have told my bf to change his act and he agreed on it, but later on it happened again. You cannot competely change someone's personality when they have been like that for years. You should talk to her and if she don't stop acting the way that is bothering you, it's time to move on and find yourself a new girl.

Answer 10

if she really loves you she will sit and listen to what you have to say and try her best to change and if dont then that means it was not meant to be. Just remember to be honset and if it dont work there are many other girls out there and one day you will find the right person.....