How to cope with Husband - Lawyer - Arguer?

Question

I have been with my husband 11 years. He is an attorney from England and a good one. Problem is - he argues about EVERYTHING. I realise it is in his nature to do so with all his training, and he doesnt even seem to notice he is doing it as is evident from his reaction when I have had enough and blow up.

But he doesnt realise that this constant disagreement creates so much distance between us and I no longer feel close to him at all. I tell him this and he agrees but nothing changes. I love him dearly - but I just dont want to get close cause he always has to start disagreeing with everything I say - even at the most sensitive moments.
I am a scientist and he will even disagree with fact when it is placed in front of him. To him he is never wrong. He has no friends or social life outside of work and me. It think that is not good as well.
Help!

It isnt like he is out to get someone - he almost doesnt seem to realise he is doing it. Maybe a professional hazard. I am a biologist and I am always worried about germs on everything as most biologists are.

Answer 1

Um, did you not notice this quality before you married him?

You can try counseling as others have suggested, but won't you feel badly if the counseling "undoes" his training and he becomes a lousy lawyer?

Does he show that he loves you in other ways?

Answer 2

I'm a lawyer too and have been accused of being argumentative, if you dont want to argue about something you have to try to talk to him about this, dont wait until you blow. Be really patient, some people like a bit of a debate about everything and will eventually come round to the other party's view. If its still not working write him a letter, an ex of mine did this once and refused to talk to me for a few hours. At first I left voicemail telling him how wrong he was but eventually I started thinking about it and could conceed some points (not all). Above all remember he is an English male so probably a bit emotionally stunted and finds talking about that sort of thing difficult.

Good luck!

Answer 3

permit's only call it a "Mid-existence 2d look." LOL... have self belief it or no longer, he's grieving. He has misplaced his little ones and the sensation that his existence is in front of him. try telling him this: maximum persons stay to be approximately 80. he's barely midway by way of existence. in the 1st a million/2, he had no administration over the 1st 18 to 2 many years, so rather... he's barely been in charge of his existence for greater or less 2 many years. Now, he's smarter and has approximately 40 greater to pass. that's an entire different lifetime! in effortless terms this time, he gets entire administration... locate new and exciting events to do mutually, plan mutually each and every of the relaxing issues you may contain into your lives as a pair over the subsequent ten years. He needs the attitude that existence has rather only started, no longer ended... i'm hoping that made experience... lol ...and if he's no longer keen to snatch existence by utilising the kahunas and characteristic some relaxing... then he definitiely needs to be smacked with the iron... LOLOL

Answer 4

U could talk with him let him know that it bothers u that he keeps disagreeing with u all the time and u jus want him to agree once or pretend to agree with u at least. He has to come to the fact that noone is perfect and to some standered he has to be wrong everyone has opnions. Tell him to lossin' up a bit! u can't jus let 11 yrs. go down the drain though talk it through a bit tell him wat's really bothering u maybe if he knew how everyone else felt bout it he will understand and cope with u.

Answer 5

I'm an arguer as well and I'd argue that the sky was purple when it was obviously blue, we know we are wrong, so no matter how much fact you provide you are just adding fuel to the fire, and we thank you for that. But if you want to stop the arguing, let him be right even if he's wrong. He already knows he's wrong, he just wants to argue. It takes two to argue and you are being the second party, just let him win, and you'll see before you know it, he'll come back with your side of the arguement and say it was his, you get what you want and he wins the arguement.

Answer 6

He sounds a bit insensitive and pompous, doesn't he? I think you both could use some counseling- he may be good at arguing but he's lacking some basic communication skills, and your blowing up isn't the best reaction, either. He needs to learn to communicate, and you need to learn how to better guide the conversation as he learns to change.

Answer 7

You won't change him so you will need to figure out how to live with him. One thing I would try is to convince him to recognize a signal from you that means he's doing it again. For example the American football signal for time out, putting your hand in a "T" and saying "time out". It may help him become aware of just what he's doing and how often he's doing it. Don't wait until you blow up to signal him.

Answer 8

i have a husband like that. and he's not even a lawyer. he too will argue the sky is purple when it is blue. and he blantantly says he is always right. he was like this before i married him so it's not like it's gonna change.

sit him down and let him know, that when you argue a point all your doing is deliberatly not listening to the other party because you don't care. arguing is a form of not listening.

Answer 9

i think he needs therapy, and maybe you can just agree to disagree but even that doesn't work for everything. so since he argues about everything tell how much of a wonderful person he is and he can argue againest it and realize how much of an a@# he is.

Answer 10

I dated a lawyer once for a short time - NEVER AGAIN - always analyzing everything...I feel for you...he will probably never see things your way. My suggestions - either you both go into therapy where he learns to change his ways or make adjustments, or you go into therapy to learn how to live with it. GOOD LUCK!!!