My mother is living alone for the first time in her life ( my father/ her husband of 24 yrs died in August) and I worry about her sooo much. She won't accept help from us ( finicial or physical ) and she spends alot of time alone. How can we get her to see that she isn't a burden and we really just want to help?
2006-11-16 04:57:47 · 19 answers · asked by DEBBY'S BABY 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
first off, sorry about the loss
second of all, she needs time alone to grieve. Not everyone needs to grieve with others around. Everyone grieves in their own way.
Third... maybe she's enjoying time by herself? I know as a mom, myself, if something happened to my husband and the kids were not at home, I'd enjoy a little P&Q for a little while.
She'll come out of her shell eventually. She needs some time.
if she doesn't come around after a year, then I'd worry about her.
2006-11-16 05:00:22 · answer #1 · answered by Jennifer L 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm so sorry about the very recent loss of your father. That's terrible. And I can definitely understand how much worse it must make it all when you compound that with the fact that you're worrying about your Mother's mental and emotional (and financial) well-being. You are a wonderful daughter to be concerned about and there for her.
My advice would be to check with a grief counselor or therapist and ask them what you should be doing to help your Mom through this very difficult time. They would be best equipped to give you pointers. That's the first step that I would take... because sometimes what we think is helpful or best isn't. Look some up in your phone book and give them a call. They might be willing to offer the advice for free... or at least possibly provide you with a free resource, if that's an issue.
Best wishes to you and yours.
2006-11-16 13:44:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can visit her a lot, and call her on the phone. Invite her over. Show her that you love spending time with her. Just love her, and she will be fine. Don't worry...pray. My husband's grandmother is 96, and she lives alone AND manages a boarding house. We worry about her some, but she is headstrong and determined. Don't rush her into "help" if she doesn't want it. Let her be happy, even if that means her living alone. Also, get to know her neighbors, and enlist their help in discreetly keeping an eye on things. Best wishes!!
2006-11-16 13:01:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother just passed away in July and in the beginning I was worried about my father until I came by on a regular basis. I cleaned little by little, did small loads of laundry, brought food and hung out with him. My advice is plan outings doing the things she likes or ask her to come over and help you with something. Mothers love to feel needed! Another way to keep her from being alone is look into your community and see if they have classes that interest her and take one with her. In the meantime, maybe she could find a friend or two to do things with!
2006-11-16 13:25:51 · answer #4 · answered by evesmystique 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't. She hasn't let go and she is still grieving. All you can do it keep telling her you are there for her and it will sink in one day when she comes out or mourning. If it looks like she is going to hurt herself that is another story. I think she is just sad. Maybe give her a big hug and let her cry it out. Maybe you should suggest that you need to see a therapist and would she come with you, really meaning she will be able to talk too.
2006-11-16 13:22:36 · answer #5 · answered by Me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother just doesn't want to be treated like an invalid while she still has her wits. My husband's grandmother is the same way. Just think about if you were old right now. Would you want your family all in your business trying to tell you what to do? Nope.
It would be better if you and your family just spent quality time with her and invite her out sometimes. That way, she'll be out of the house and she won't feel like you guys are taking pity on her.
2006-11-16 13:01:58 · answer #6 · answered by Evoljz_Girl 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
your mother still needs time to cope with the event that has taken place in her life.she will need to know that she is more than loved. maybe you can help her with out her knowing it pay a few bills.
doing things around the house would not hurt at all and getting her back into her old routine would be a great thing to do. a family get to gather would be lovely. showing her that her family needs her might just be what she need to see.
she will be fine just needs a little time to deal
2006-11-16 13:05:18 · answer #7 · answered by cool cat2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just explain to her what you said to us and maybe she will take the help an who knows maybe she really does not want it or feel like she needs it and if she doest not then let her be alone and maybe later she will want some company or help. Good luck with this
2006-11-16 13:06:28 · answer #8 · answered by i love my dog 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just letting your mother know that you are there whenever she needs you, suffices for now. She most likely needs time for herself to mourn. Concerned faces around her might be in her way of recovery. Be there for your Mom when she needs you, but don't overwhelm her. She knows you care and love her.
2006-11-16 13:05:11 · answer #9 · answered by bluebyou 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her. Otherwise, you can visit her alot, she may just want some company occasionally. She probably is hurting and needs some time, but jsut show her that you are there for her.
2006-11-16 12:59:45 · answer #10 · answered by me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋