Am I being spiteful? My parents separated when I was 14, got divorced when I was 16, BUT that is NOT the problem. After they separated, I chose to live with Dad. Then, when I was 18, my dad moved some gf that I never met in. I was sorta ok with that. I understood he needed company that I couldn't offer. Well, after about 6 months, she convinced him to kick me out. I had no job, and wasn't even outta high school yet! ( I was held back a year) But they went ahead and kicked me out. So my bf & I got a place together. Then close to moving day, Dad's gf decided to leave dad. Before she left she told me that i didn't HAVE to move out now.5 years later, I am still upset with him. I hardly speak to him anymore, only at holidays. He never even apologized!! How do I forgive?
2006-11-16
04:52:46
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17 answers
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asked by
Anonymous
in
Family & Relationships
➔ Family
My schooling was held back due to medical reasons. I didn't have a job because I lived 20 minutes out of town and my mom didn't allow me to have a driver's license, and I still don't because I feel nervous about driving. So transportation to and from work would be very costly, especially since he wouldn't have done it.
2006-11-16
05:05:33 ·
update #1
Besides, I think you allare missing the real point here. My dad kicked me out because of a GIRLFRIEND, then asked me to stay when she decided to leave him. Not to make me go out on my own.
2006-11-16
05:34:02 ·
update #2
Actually, he didn't kick her out. She got homesick and moved back to where she was from. Then her parting words were, "now that I am leaving, it's ok for you to stay now."
2006-11-16
06:00:12 ·
update #3
Really, I didn't think he would allow a woman to come between us. You see, I chose to stay with my dad because he isn't healthy. I was there to look after him. Then she gets there, and he kicks me out, and then she leaves him.
2006-11-16
06:03:55 ·
update #4
if your dad dint have the balls to tell his fling that its his place, his daughter, and that your staying, then he probably dont deserve your forgivness. but...
even though its a "betrayal" that cant/shouldnt be forgotten
its best to put it out of mind and if theres an arguement tween the 2 of you about somthing dont use his mistakes as weapons,
you should probably set up a time with your father to talk about
your being wrongfully evicted from your home, even if you've done so alredy, its alwas a good idea to talk about this kinda stuff
whenever it starts bothering you
2006-11-16 05:11:25
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answer #1
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answered by sage knight 3
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Forgiveness is something you need to do for yourself! He was wrong - there is no way around that! Choosing a girlfriend over your own children is not ok by any stretch of the imagination. You were his responsibility and he let you down - BIG TIME!
That being said, if you continue to hold on to the anger that you are feeling, it will only hurt you. Forgiveness is not necessarily about forgetting. You need to tell your father that you forgive him for the poor decision that he made, and that you thank him for teaching you a very valuable lesson about parenting. (You will hopefully never do something like this to your children) Let him know that you are hurt deeply by the decision that he made and that you lost respect for him both as a man and as a father. Then, tell him that although you forgive him, you will always remember what he did, and that it will be difficult to ever trust him again.
Then, the most difficult thing will be, letting go of the anger! You have to let it go - for your own well-being. You appear to be a very intelligent young woman. The best thing you can do is to be successful and happy in your own life, be a good parent, and a kind, loving person. I wish you the very best of luck!
2006-11-16 13:06:03
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answer #2
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answered by Kailey 5
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Yes...that's your father, and really do try to forgive. Besides, doesn't seem anything really that bad..or that unreasonable but they could have handled it better.
At 18 you should be on your own - either in college working AND going to school...OR working full time and paying all of your OWN bills. If you were held back a year, that's a shame hon - BUT at 18 and an adult you have to take responsibility for your own life and all that's involved in it. Some of us have to get rides from others and get around on buses for YEARS before we could have a car to get around anyway..cars are expenses. Everyone has to do what they have to do.
My son moved out when he was 18 to go to college. Worked two part time jobs and went to school. (he did not have a car of his own until he was 23 yrs old by the way) I did help with his college tuition - NOT his living expenses...he did well got a job at 22 when he graduated and has been totally and completely on his own. His father and I were divorced too - and he too had to put up with parents dating & all that goes with that. Like so MANY. Not an excuse for not doing well. Most ALL of his friends put their own selves through college or support themselves. Kids should not still be living off their parents once they are adults.
I think your father and his girlfriend at the time should have handled it better - but I don't think they requested anything out of the ordinary or so wrong.
2006-11-16 13:00:27
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answer #3
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answered by svmainus 7
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You should forgive him, he is your Dad, he is not going to live forever, and it you harbor this ill will and something would happen to him. How would you feel? My guess is horrible, however, it would be to late to do anything about it. So go to him and try to have a relationship and even discuss calmly your feelings. He may surprise you and apologize, if not just move on. Just because he was and is an adult does not mean he will make all of the right choices. Good luck and God bless*
2006-11-16 13:19:35
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answer #4
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answered by ? 7
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You have to forgive. He may have made a decision he felt was good. Maybe he felt you would gain independence. He may have felt both of you needed to have a private life. It's silly to hold on to this for 5 years. He's human and it may have been a mistake to make the decision he made but he's your dad and you shouldn't let this get in the way of having a good relationship with him. Try to see it from his point of view and just let go of the anger. Think of the benift of gaining independence from your parents and creating your own life.
2006-11-16 13:19:13
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answer #5
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answered by damalala 2
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I think you should forgive him, if for nothing more then your own inner peace and well being. Nothing says you have to go and be daddy's girl like nothing ever happened....but to carry around resentment and such feelings when he obviously doesn't feel the need to apologize....wears on you, not him. Ultimetly by letting your anger go, you'll free yourself of the stress involved...and you can move on to happier paths in your life. Good Luck.
2006-11-16 12:56:16
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answer #6
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answered by bscottsbabygirl 2
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Sometimes parents don't always realize the things they do or say can be hurtful. It is sometimes down right pitifull. But sometimes we have to be more adult than them and just love them. Life is too short, live life to it's fullest, even if you think they are wrong. They realllly do love you, but everyone messes things up once in a while. Think about it. Hope you have a happy holiday!!!
2006-11-16 12:59:37
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answer #7
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answered by softail69 1
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Your father was wrong for allowing his stupid girlfriend to kick you out of his house! You need to talk to your father and tell him how you feel and tell him how his actions hurt you and deeply affected your relationship with him! Also, you need to forgive yourself because this wasn't your fault! Give yourself some time and hopefully, you can forgive your father for his foolishness! Good luck to you and God bless!
2006-11-16 13:41:45
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answer #8
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answered by Anonymous
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You need some guts! You need to tell your father how you feel and if he still doesn't seem to care then you tried and he's out! As for you driving go get your license and stop being afraid!!!
2006-11-16 13:14:10
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answer #9
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answered by Me 6
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You must forgive him because life can end when you least expect it. God had said you must forgive those who offend you because he forgives us for all of our sins. Just call your dad and talk it over he probaly wants to apologize but is afraid you won't forgive him.
2006-11-16 13:00:37
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answer #10
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answered by Anonymous
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