My five year old that is adopted asked last night whos tummy she came out of we tried to explain things to her In a way that a 5 year old could understand did we make a mistake?
when i picked her up from school today her teacher told me she has been telling people that she has a Mother and a momma. And the other kids didnt understand what am I supposed to do??
It was a step parent adoption so her dad is her real father. But coming from the same background and being adopted I thought it would be ok to be honest??
2006-11-16 04:44:24 · 11 answers · asked by momof2 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
You did the right thing by telling her. The sooner the better. My daughter is adopted and has heard about it since she was a baby. Of course she couldn't really understand, but better to start using the vocabulary early. There is a great book for young children called "How I Was Adopted" by Joanna Cole. It used straight-forward terminology and is very positive. Check it out! My daughter loves it and she's only 3!
2006-11-16 05:24:14 · answer #1 · answered by jodybird511 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a very similar situation. My daughter's bio father wanted nothing to do with her. (ok that part is different)
From the time she was very little (like 2 yrs old) I told her that her father wasn't ready to be a daddy yet. She would wonder why other kids had dads. I explained that it had nothing to do with who she was and she had no control over it. Some people are ready to be parents before others and I was ready and he was not.
By age 3 she was telling people that her "daddy" wasn't ready to be a "daddy" so she just had a mommy. She wasn't upset at all (although I think she freaked out an adult or two). It was a fact and we treated it as a fact. It was never something to hide and it was never treated as "a situation".
She's 16 now and is doing great. She never met her bio father (she's had a step dad since she was 5) and that's ok with her. Honesty is good even with young children.
If she feels that you feel badly over this situation or that you are embarrassed by it then she may have an issue over it. Right now her talking about it is a great sign. She's dealing with it as a "fact" just something that is. NO BIG DEAL.
Give her a big hug when she comes home. I think YOU could use one.
2006-11-16 13:10:45 · answer #2 · answered by Ticia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I think you did the right thing. It would've been worst to lie about it; and even if the other kids didn't understand, your child certainly did! So don't stress, you didn't do anything wrong. It would help if you explained that you also had a mother and a mommy. Even if others don't understand, at the end of the day, it's important that your daughter understands; forget about other people. Other people are not your child. Good luck!
2006-11-16 12:50:50 · answer #3 · answered by *Jessy* 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The truth is always best. She's probably too young to completely understand. But I think you did the right thing. My sister was adopted and she didn't really understand until she was about 7 or 8.
2006-11-16 12:55:23 · answer #4 · answered by lv82 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's done is done, eh? Let it go. Kids don't dwell on stuff like that. The teacher should just forget about it (I wouldn't count on any wisdom from the teacher; many of them don't even have kids). At five, your daughter isn't capable of really understanding the whole story - and it's not important. She's loved and wanted. That's all she needs. Don't discuss it with her any more. If she brings it up (she won't, I'll bet), make light of it. After all, it isn't IMPORTANT, is it!
2006-11-16 12:51:25 · answer #5 · answered by Miz Teri 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not that it was a bad idea it is just really confusing for kids at that age to understand. Sit her down and maybe as you are explaining it used stuffed aniamls or something to act out the sceniero. She might understand a bit better. Also you could talk to the school's guidieness counselor and see if they might have any suggestions for you.
2006-11-16 12:48:41 · answer #6 · answered by Candi 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your right to be honest with her. you should be. she knows that you are her mom. My mom did not tell my older sister that she was not her mom till my sister was 9 it really upset her. she says it would have been better to know when she was younger. it would have made it easier. i think that you did the right thing. Its not up to you to help the other kids in her school understand. You have to just worry about your daughter. Good luck and you did the right thing.
2006-11-16 12:49:11 · answer #7 · answered by littleluvkitty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is good for U to tell her the truth. However, U must be prepared to face the fact that she may look for her real mother one day.
2006-11-16 12:56:53 · answer #8 · answered by atbt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes but she is realkly too young to under stand all you had to say was that you came out of your momma tummy. Your not lying..
2006-11-16 12:47:14 · answer #9 · answered by mary3127 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is absolutely nothing wrong with having two moms. I praise you for teaching the truth. good job mama.
2006-11-16 12:47:24 · answer #10 · answered by sr22racing 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋