Is this the most absurd and innapropriate advice you could ever hear?

Question

I attended a workshop today at my childrens school. The aim was to equip us with the knowledge of how to deal with a bullying situation, if it were to happen to our children. When leaving, i was handed a leaflet with advice on, which they told me to read through with my son. Well, how glad am i that i read it alone first!? On the section covering 'why are people bullied', this was a way to avoid it....." No1:Try not to get on peoples nerves."
Am i alone in thinking that my child has the right to be himself? Or that the idea of saying this to your child when they reveal they're being bullied, is as bad as saying they deserved it???? Its ridiculous that this is the advice being given out in school and to such young children! Im so mad!

Answer 1

I'm right there with you. My 7 yr. old came up to me and told me some kid was picking on him and pushhing him. Well, being a father who was raised a little rough-and-tumble, I told him to defend himself and not let anyone push him around. (He Know Tae-kwon-do) His response to me was "No,Daddy, we are not aloud to hit or hurt anybody. I told him it was alright if he was protecting himself or other people, and he told me that the school wouldn't care and he would still get in trouble.

Our school systems are so afraid of the responsibility, that it would rather give a blanket policy and hope they can catch the bad things when they happen, leaving our kids at the mercy of those children who have not been raised proper. It seems that if we teach our children to be good, the bad ones can take advantage of those who are so brainwashed as to not even defend themselves.

I told my son to puch the kid in the nose and if he got in trouble for it... I would take him and his brother for ice ceam later.

Answer 2

First of all I'm sorry this has caused so much upset. I hope it's just the way it's been phrased that has given confusion. No-one has the right to bully and zero tolerance is the only way to proceed but I'm hoping that the leaflet was an attempt to help children become empowered and proactive about a situation which, if left unresolved could develop into a bullying situation.
Children should always be encouraged to tell an adult, absolutely, but unfortunately all the way through life ( we all have bullies at work don't we ) we have to learn to deal with difficult people too, nasty, antagonistic people.
But a lot of 'ordinary' people bully from time to time to.
It is important that your child knows how to deal with an irritating behaviour or bullying incident so they have to know that if they are distressed by someones behaviour the first thing they are allowed to do and encouraged to do is to say stop. This means they don't store up incidents to tell an adult without developing any proactive responses.
They do have to learn to recognise signs in others too though and to read social signal if they are annoying someone too much, this is learned human behaviour and a vital life skill. I'm hoping that this was the message that was misconstrued.
I hope it doesn't put parents off going to your school and being part of such workshops. It is only by actively involving the whole community and everyones parent that bullying will stop.

Answer 3

You are 100% right in being upset with the advice in this way. every person is an indiviual and should have the right to be so. what one person constitutes as getting on peoples nerves, can be good humour to someone else. Also i would think that getting on peoples nerves, would be the part played more by the bullier rather then the one being bullied. Have a quiet word with the head/teacher as this leaflet was written obviously by a uneducated elf who probably has no kids of their own.

Answer 4

You are the childs best defense aginst bullies and for them to say that proves teach your child what you know is right and try to keep you kid talking about whats going on(which is hard) so that you can help them out. the biggest problem with bullies is teachers looking the other way the parent of the child being bullied as well as the bullies parents should be informed as well because most kids are getting teased and pushed around right in front of the teacher

Answer 5

WOW! That's not right at all!
I think that you really need to make a complaint about this because reading that is just like telling the children that the bullying is their fault, and it isn't. I understand the thinking behind it, but it isn't logical thinking and if a child were to read this information, it's going to stop them wanting to go to school even more, for fear of getting on someone's nerves and it also gives bullies license to pick on anyone they want because they can claim that someone was getting on their nerves- youngsters may think that this is now a legitimate reason to pick on someone.

I do think that wins dumbest advice of the year award!

Answer 6

Bullies are bullies because they want to be. They will pick on anyone who appears weaker. That advice is stupid. Kids who are being bullied often avoid the bully, so how can that get on the bully's nerves?

And yes, you child should be himself or herself. The school is putting the victim at fault with that kind of attitude and I think you should bring that to the school's attention. By blaming the victim, they are abdicating their own responsibility to discipline the bullies and protect the victimized children. What an easy out for them, and how horrible for the poor kid who is being bullied and possibly physically injured! No child should have to deal with that when they are required to attend a school!

You go Momma! I'm with you on this one!

Sue

Answer 7

I think you are all reading it wrong ....... to avoid being bullied try not to get on peoples nerves. I agree with that. If you are bugging somebody and they get frustrated with you then you are setting yourself up to get bullied. I have a 6 yr old with turret's ADHD and Fetal Alcohol Syndrome,( adopted son) his tics and delays set him up everyday of his life for bullies. As a matter of fact this is the second year he is being bullied by the same kid at school. I have talked to the teachers principle even the boy's parents. this kid is so good at it that the teachers don't see him doing it. I tell him everyday not to bug this kid or any other kid in school because they will start to pick on you. SO far this year he hasn't none anything yet this child continues to punch bite hit my son and steal his snacks. My son set himself up last year and now he is an easy target.

Answer 8

WHAT?!! That is just plain wrong! It is saying that being bullied is your own fault and if you just leave people alone it won't happen. What a load of crap! Most people get bullied simply because they are "different", not because they are purposely irritating someone. I hope you have complained to the school district! Talk to other parents and if everyone complains, maybe they will listen and stop using this pathetic literature. How sad that they would actually give this to parents. Stupid people.

Answer 9

WTF!?! When I was in school bully's didn't pick on people who got on there nerves. They did it cause they felt like it. Who ever wrote that leaflet must not know what a real bully is. Cause that just sounds stupid. Try not to get on peoples nerves, who in the hell would actually tell their child some thing like that!?! That was very inappropriate. In my experiences the best way to deal with a bully was to let them know you wasn't taking that shyt and tell them to leave you alone. Basically stand up to them and it usually worked. You should really find out if the the people who did the workshop know who is responsible for that cause that's just putting little children down.

Answer 10

I agree with you, I hate to admit, but I am a former bully. I am now 24 and have kids of my own, and i watch them with other kids to be aware of how they treat everyone. But I never picked on kids because they got on my nerves...... I think that the kids that get bullied don't do anything wrong. They are just the quieter ones. sometimes the smarter ones. I would bring up to the schools attention, that it is the kids that are the bullies that need to be talked about. they are the ones with the problem. but hey, now you know why there are bullies, they blame it all on the kids who get bullied. Isn't that bulling?