my first son is 2 when i fell pregnant for two years hes seen him best part of 10 times its me that makes the first move. we started to see each over again in march then i fell pregnant again im now 33 weeks i really want him to be apart of the childrens life but hes not interested do i leave it ?
2006-11-16 03:31:04 · 22 answers · asked by mummy19 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
yeah leave it - let him see them if he wants its up to him. When they grow up the main thing is you never stopped them seeing their Dad and they'll know it was him thats wasn't bothered. get some money out of him though he should be paying child maintenence.
2006-11-16 03:33:28 · answer #1 · answered by Katie G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do would be to look at the whole picture. You have a son already. You are trying to make this work and you are now pregnant. He hasn't really been there for the first one. Is he around now? If he's not being an active role in your current son's life and is not supportive of the pregnancy, then he will surely act the same when the new baby arrives.
2006-11-16 03:35:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
From experiance I know that you cant make someone do something they dont want to. I was married for 6 years and had 2 children, when we divorced it was like pulling teeth to get him to take his children. And when he did he pawned them off on the grandparents. Then he moved out of state and that was it. He would call sometimes but most of the time it was me calling him and putting the children on the phone. Later I started to let him make his own mistakes. He does not pay the court ordered child support, but when he called I always let him talk to the children. My oldest is 14 now and he has his own oppinions about his father, he wont talk to him any more. And by me letting him make his own mistakes it cant back fire on me being the one not letting him see or talk to them. I am married now to a wonderful man who loves my children like his own. So I say yes leave him and start making your self happy. You cant change a lemon in to an orange no matter how hard you try. By making your self happy you will inturn make your children happy. And keep letting the man make his own mistakes, when the children are old enough to start asking questions just let them know you can not speak for their father you can only encourage your children to talk to him and ask him the questions they have. Let him answer for his mistakes and as long as your always let him know where you are and a number where he can reach them he cant turn it around like alot of men do. And this is ONLY if the man is not abusive and a threat to the children. Which since you didnt mention that I am to assume he isn't. Good Luck its a hard road as a single mom, but God made us strong for a reason and You Can Do It.
2006-11-16 03:45:39 · answer #3 · answered by lothlorien30 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same situation. I hung on hoping he would get interested in having the family thing. I wanted my kids to have their father and I put up with way too much just to make that happen. Then I realized would you rather have your kids have loving people in their life or the insecurity and rejection that comes from deadbeat dad that uses their mom for sex. Dump him, cut it off. Don't let him use the kids to get to you either. If he wants time with the kids then it needs to be all about the kids and you need to stand firm. Get back up from family and friends and always have a 3rd party as a buffer for awhile if you can. You can find someone who will treat you well, or in my case I decided to concentrate on my kids and career and I have never been more fulfilled.
2006-11-16 03:38:25 · answer #4 · answered by ape2016 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's not interested then don't force it, because at a later date he might say that he didn't want to be apart of the child's life and you forced him into it. What you should do is just make a life for you and your children and don't worry about their father, because he obviously is not interest.
Does he pay maintenance for his little boy and will he for this one. What you need to do is sit down with him, and say I know that you don't want to play a role in our children's lives and although it upsets me, i can live with that. However you are their father and I need money to help me look after them. If he refuses then get yourself down to the Citizen's Advice Bureau and take him to court.
Its nice for children to have both parents in their lives but if one parent isn't interested then you will have to be both mother and father and bring them up the best way that you know how and love them
2006-11-16 10:25:22 · answer #5 · answered by Baps . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its difficult. I encouraged my son's father to visit but he couldn't be bothered and pointblankley refused to pay support but he told everyone that he was paying and I refused him access. Now i'm frightened for my son's welfare by seeing his dad who does not have him high on his list of priorities. I think it could be damaging to have contact with a father who doesn't really care for him and is prepared to defame his mother at the drop of a hat because its convenient. Personally I think no contact is better than a dysfunctional one and that children need love (real love) and support from parents and nothing less will do. I have never tried to stop contact and never will but this does not reflect my feelings on the matter. Good luck
2006-11-16 09:23:18 · answer #6 · answered by druskininkai 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same kind of father for my 3 year-old daughter. Her father hasn't seen her since she was 9 months old. He had always said that he wanted to see his little girl but he never made an effort to try. So I moved on with my life, as what you probably need to do. Now I have a wonderful husband, my little girl calls him daddy, and we added a new addition to our family. It took awhile for me to accept the fact that he may have cared for her but not enough to see and know her on a daily basis. If he's not interested in being in your children's lives then you shouldn't let him be in YOUR life. It's just not worth it. So my advice is quit making moves on him and move on with your life, there is someone good enough for you to care for your children as they way you would care for them.
2006-11-16 03:46:43 · answer #7 · answered by MARJ213 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, as harsh as this sounds, you need to keep your legs closed when this idiot is around. If he wants no part of the children's lives, trying to make him so will only irritate him. You need to do what is best for the children and either take care of them yourself and forget him or find yourself a man that will not only be there for the kids, but treat you right and be there for you too. This other guy needs to have his pecker cut off and fed to dogs.
2006-11-16 03:41:20 · answer #8 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with others who say leave it. Your children may be more messed up if he's round.
Find a decent sort who wants to be a Dad.
Otherwise, let the sperm sprayer go fertilize someone else.
Do yourself and your childeren a favour, loose this tomcat like a manky old sock.
2006-11-16 10:22:51 · answer #9 · answered by Charles-CeeJay_UK_ USA/CheekyLad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope you are at least receiving child support from this man! Honey, why did you get back together with him? He left you high and dry the first time...and now he's doing it again. Really. Get child support but leave it at that. He sounds like a deadbeat and you and your children deserve better.
2006-11-16 03:53:41 · answer #10 · answered by Christabelle 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For some, once bitten, twice shy.
But for you lady, I feel you may go for third time lucky.
I mean, how many more kids do you have to breed for this person before you wise up to the fact that he is only using you not as punchbag, but breeding pouch.
Get a life and get a MAN.
2006-11-16 03:37:28 · answer #11 · answered by Latoya. 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋