Would this relationship work?

Question

Just for arguments sake if you met the following person and you thought you really, really, really liked them would you consider a relationship with them?

-11 years age difference
-Has bipolar/histrionic
-Has 3 kids
-Has a string of blokes on the side
-In Lots of debt

I feel like I am infatuated with her and I need you people to say don't be stupid..back away for my own good. What do you reckon? I could handle the kids, and help with the debt, the age gap doesn't bother me. Just unsure bout bipolar and whether she would give up other blokes

Answer 1

Do you enjoy torture?

Answer 2

No the relationship would not work out for the following reasons. 11 years difference is way to much. Someone that is much older is unlikey to be more mature then the much younger person. Its some rare cases, it may work as long as your willing to settle the difference between your age.
I was not sure what bipolar/histrionic meant, so I looked it up online. I am going to assume she is taking drugs. It depends on what type of drugs she's taking. If she is only doing weed, its not that bad, but if she's doing something like meth, then you should break up with her.
The three kids is really no problem.
im not sure what has a string of blokes on the sides mean
You should be careful of her debt. She could be using you to help pay it off. Why should you help her with her debt, you didn't create it, she did. I do have some advice for her though. She can seek a debt managment program to help her with her debt. She can rap all her bills into one monthy payment that she can offord. They can also reduce intrest rates as well.
The bottom line is shes trouble. I wouldn't go out with her until she straightens her life out.

Answer 3

Wow, that is certainly alot of things to think about. It sounds like you are a nurturer, a person who likes to take care of people who have problems. There is nothing wrong with that but you need to look at the big picture before you jump into a relationship like this.

The age difference should not be a major factor though I wonder if you are 11 years older than she. Is she in her 20's & you in your 30's? The reason why I ask has alot to do with her maturity and ability to take responsibility.

You say you can handle the kids. How old are they? Are you ready to be a dad? Is their father in their lives because you will also have to deal with him. How does she get along with him? If she doesn't than that is just one more thing you will have to deal with. I think it is wonderful that you are willing to take on responsiblity of another man's children but it's alot of work.

Wow, not many men would be willing to take on a woman's debt so freely. That's awefully nice of you but you need to know why she is in such debt. You can pay off her debts but will she continue to spend money and cause both of you to be in debt in the future? Just something to think about.

I know what bipolar is but do not know what histrionic is. Bipolar can be treated with medication and have a very positive affect as long as the person stays on that medication. Is she on meds? Have you seen her having an episode? If you have can you help her through it? If you are with her when she has an episode are you willing to stay with her until it passes and give her the support she needs? Bipolar will never go away. With the proper medication and therapy a person can live a normal life. If she isn't taking meds and/or seeing a therapist than there is nothing you can do to help her and you'll be in for a very bumpy ride.

Now for the string of "blokes" as you call them. Here is my honest answer. If she is unwilling to give up her string than she obviously does not have the same feelings for you and all you are willing to sacrafice for her would be in vain. Why would you want to pay her debt, take care of her children, and deal with her mental health if these other blokes could be doing the same thing? If she is willing for you to do all that you say you would do but refuses to stop seeing the others than she would be using you and I don't think you want that either.

Obviously I don't know all the details but if you are really serious about her and she knows it, she would be willing to give up the other blokes and work hard to make a go at a relationship with a wonderful down to earth guy like you. Good luck!

Answer 4

I would first try to identify the reason for the infatuation? Do you really feel a connection with her? Do you see something in the future that resembles Happily Ever After? Or is there an overwhelming need to "help" her?? I'm sorry to say it but if she didn't drop those other blokes when you came into the picture, then you have just become another one of them. It sounds like your sincere in your feelings but if they aren't reciprocated, then your out on that limb all alone.

Answer 5

If you think you could love her than be there for her cuz it probably is hard 4 her 2 find sum1 that would have her best interest at heart and not take advantage of her being bi polar. my best friend and ex suffers from bipolar disorder but takes meds for it. he's not crazy at all,just can be moody and selfish at times and lash out. but he can also be very caring and sensitive and sweet and kind and gentle. So I would be there for her and try to get her to respect herself cuz if she's with a few guys let her know that's not love and you can show her what true love is. I guess it depends how much u care about her being with other men. if you love her enough to not care about that and only care about the time u 2 spend together than be together but just try not to get yourself hurt.
this is coming from a 24 yr old female.

Answer 6

Hey you are a good bloke if you can pay her debts and take care about her baby but everything has its limit tell her to leave the blokes or you run away.

Answer 7

Goodness....
Shes insecure thats for sure i would stay away theres nothing wrong with being friends helping from the sidelines but apart from that its chaos....
Its hard thou ive been there ive done it go careful u cant help who u fall for....
Just take ur time....
11yrs isnt alot...
debt isnt ur problem...
kids??!! just depends how willing they are to except u...
string of blokes, doesnt this tell u anything?
Go careful thats all i can say but seeing as in ur question u want us all to tell u to leave off then to be fair ur answering the question urself leave her alone....

Answer 8

First, ask and write down why you like her. Do you just feel empathy or sympathy for her? Second, you said infatuated, not in love. You don't know her well enough to say that. I think you can do casual dating, giving her advice (not money) along the way so she can straigthen out her life.

As for me personally I like things simple, so I would run away. But life is not simple, you gotta be brave enough to go through difficulties to find what you seek. In life you also gotta take it slow and know who you are.

Best of luck.

Answer 9

It sounds like a dangerous situation to me. You can handle most of the problems (kids, age, and debt) but bi-polar, and off her medication, plus the other guys, I think that is a little much.

Answer 10

Ask yourself are you there to save her or because she has a quality that you adore?Or are you settling? Sometimes we have "sympathy feelings" for people. But in the long run...Love is first....but that is a HUGE responsibility, financial and physical....mental would be the worst! But it's up to you I have seen that work and fail with people.

Answer 11

You yourself have answered your own questions...Funny how the red flags are everywhere, but we coose to ignore them. the question is not that she has issues, it's obvious, but can you handle them, are you equipped and do you have the maturity? Relationships take work and you have your work cut out on this one. Not that she doesn't deserve a chance but this relationship is going to require all kinds of professional help, are you willing to help her help herself and yourself also, you may be co-depedant...Are you eqipped to be a father? Can you handle it?