Is this hate justified?

Question

I was molested by my mothers boyfriend as a child and when I told her, instead of leaving him she turned around and married him. I was raised in the same household with him until I moved out at 17. Now I hate my neglectful mother. Is the hate justified or should I "love and honor" my mother no matter what?

Answer 1

I am sorry for what happened to you..
It is a diificult realization to make that you are more mature than your parents, but it's one you need to come to grips with. Your mom lacks the self esteem and maturity to have handled that situation the way it should have, she will always be a woman of dependence, hopefully you have seen what the reality of being this way has done to her life and you will rise above it. Hate your mother, I could understand it if you do, but at some point, Turn that hate into pity. Forgive her and thank her for the harsh life's lesson that has made you a stronger person than her..

Good luck..

Answer 2

Hate will destroy you. What your mother did was dispicable, but it was her doing and not yours. You should not continue to suffer by churning up bad feelings and harboring hatred.

One of my friend's mothers once told me that maternal love is sometimes over-rated. After all, in nature some mothers eat their young. The lesson there is that a child should not waste their time looking for love where it does not exist. Get on with your life and give love where it will do the most good and bring you and your loved ones the most satisfaction.

Don't wait for an apology or seek some sort of justice. Just put it behind you and do the best you can with your life. Let the pain in your past help make you a better person.

Answer 3

Your hate may be "justified" because your mother did not honor what should have been an overwhelming commitment to protect her child, but it surely will suck your spirit dry. You certainly don't need to love and honor your mother, but maybe seeing a therapist to help you get past the anger and hate can just put you in a better frame of mind.

Answer 4

First of all, I want to say I'm very sorry for what happened to you. The worst of it is, the person who should have been protecting you turned away from the situation. I don't think it's healthy to go on in life blaming your mother, hating her. It will only do more damage to you. Get it out by all means. Pitty her. Tell her from your heart what it did to you. What's done is done. Move on and learn from it. If you feel you need professional help to deal with it, seek it out. You should not feel that you have to have unconditional love for your mother. You can love her, but you don't have to like her choices she made affecting your life. Again, I really wish you the best and hope you will be at peace with things. Hugs

Answer 5

The Bible says not to hate anyone. But as a human you can't forget, but you can forgive. You won't believe the relief of pressure and weight that will be taken off of your shoulders. I don't believe that you should have to subject yourself to her or her husband. I'm sorry that happened to you. My best friend had a similar incident and her mother did the same thing except DFCS came in and took all 3 children. She still wants a relationship with her mother, but her mother treats her as if she has done something wrong. I would make sure that you get some counseling it will help you alot. Pray to God that he would give you the ability to forgive, and he will. I hope the very best for you. I will be praying for you also.

Answer 6

Gosh!
I really hate that this happened to you. (My prayers go out to you). Your mother married this man because she was determined to have a man in her life,no matter what the price (Sorry I had to say that). She proved that,when she did'nt do anything about the molestion. It is not too late,to tell the Police (but your mom could be arrested too,for neglect). Maybe your mom needs to spend some time in jail,to teach her a lesson. YOUR ANGER IS JUSTIFIABLE.

Answer 7

You can honor your mother by telling the truth even if she doesn't like hearing it.

If you were violated by a man she brought into your life and if, when you told her, she failed to protect you, then your anger at her and this man is totally justified.

Honoring your mother does not mean being quiet about what happened to you or acting like it doesn't matter. It does matter. A lot.

Honoring your mother means not shielding her from the truth of your experience. It means treating her as an adult. You don't have to treat her badly, or insult her, or even yell, but you do have to be relentless in telling her the truth.

Answer 8

You have every right to feel the way you do. Don't add guilt to it as well. Your mother should have listened to you, instead she ignored you and married your abuser.

It might be a good idea to seek professional help or, confide in a very close friend. You need help in resolving this. The way you are feeling is justified.

Answer 9

You have to face and let out your anger, bitterness, disappointment and whatever BEFORE AND SO THAT you can forgive her, and learn to love her again.

I was brought up by my grandmother and had terrible issues to deal with about her, which I'm still dealing with at age 56. But you have to let your true feelings rise up and see what you really feel, and remember what really happened, sometimes in detail, until maybe you'll be surprised at the depth of your own hatred. When you face it squarely like this and intend and try to forgive (you know God says you must) then there's a chance of truly forgiving. Less than this is just shallow pretense.

Good luck with it; it's probably the hardest thing you'll ever do.

Answer 10

Justified? I don't know Jennifer. Understandable? Absolutely. Nobody could argue that you are wrong in this feeling. If you have not done so already, it would be in your best interest to seek out counseling though. For your future happiness, you will have to come to terms one day with the fact that your Mom is weak and has misguided priorities. Hate is a heavy load and a very self destructive one. You can forgive her her weakness without condoning what she did, or failed to do. Talk to a counselor, you will feel better I predict. Hang in kiddo.