why am i so stupid over a guy???????

Question

i met him 7 years ago, we fell madly and passionately in love. his divorce devastated him as he was disfellowshipped from the JW faith, he lost his family and friends. he was a broken man. distance tore us apart. we cannot be together at this time due to an ocean keeping us apart. he is starting to find himself (its taken him nearly 4 years) he is still not the guy he once was. now he feels alone when he gets home from work. i can't be there with him right now, but he needs me. he has been divorced now for two years. what can i do? i can't go and live in a different country and he can't either....in the meantime he tells me he will always love me. i want the love we once had.....will it come back?

Answer 1

The "guy" mentioned in this question was *NOT* disfellowshipped for divorcing his wife. Divorce by itself is absolutely *NOT* considered a "serious sin" which merits removal from the congregation; in many cases divorce is appropriately tolerated by the congregation.

Jehovah's Witnesses practice the Scriptural practice of disfellowshipping for unrepentance of such serious sins as fornication, drug abuse, stealing, and apostasy. Baptized Witnesses who join the military or publicly engage in worship with another religion are considered to have disassociated themselves from Jehovah's Witnesses.

Contrary to the misinformation of anti-Witnesses, it is quite possible to become inactive in the JW religion without becoming disfellowshipped. As long as one's lifestyle does not bring reproach upon the congregation, and as long as one does not advocate one's disagreements with the religion, the congregation has no interest in "investigating", exposing, and disfellowshipping an inactive former Jehovah's Witness.

For those who are disfellowshipped or disassociated, a primarly goal is to shock the person into recognizing the serious of their wrong so that they rejoin the congregation in pure worship. Since the primary bonds that are broken involve friendship and spiritual fellowship, it is well understood that family bonds remain intact. Parents, siblings, and grown children of disfellowshipped and disassociated ones sometimes choose to limit what they may feel is discouraging or "bad association" but that is a personal decision and is not required by their religion.

Former Witnesses who are disfellowshipped or disassociated are typically treated in accord with the Scriptural pattern explained in these Scriptures:

(1 Corinthians 5:11-13) Quit mixing in company with anyone called a brother that is a fornicator or a greedy person or an idolater or a reviler or a drunkard or an extortioner, not even eating with such a man. ...Remove the wicked man from among yourselves.

(Titus 3:10) As for a man that promotes a sect, reject him after a first and a second admonition

(Romans 16:17) Now I exhort you, brothers, to keep your eye on those who cause divisions and occasions for stumbling contrary to the teaching that you have learned, and avoid them.

(2 Thessalonians 3:6) Now we are giving you orders, brothers, in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, to withdraw from every brother walking disorderly and not according to the tradition you received from us.

(2 Thessalonians 3:14) But if anyone is not obedient to our word through this letter, keep this one marked, stop associating with him, that he may become ashamed.

(2 John 10) If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, never receive him into your homes or say a greeting to him.

(Matthew 18:17) If he does not listen to them, speak to the congregation. If he does not listen even to the congregation, let him be to you just as a man of the nations

Becoming baptized as a Jehovah's Witnesses is not a trivial step. At a minimum, a student must demonstrate months of regular meeting attendance and public ministry, then must himself express the desire to be baptized. The candidate then spends hours answering hundreds of bible questions wherein he expresses both a clear understanding and personal conviction regarding Jehovah's Witness teachings in at least three separate interviews with three different elders. The candidate must vocally agree to be baptized in front of hundreds or thousands of eyewitnesses, and must be publicly immersed in water. This is not a momentary emotional decision by an unreasoning child. Dedication as a Witness required hard work and determination at the time.

Learn more:
http://watchtower.org/e/19880415/article_01.htm
http://watchtower.org/e/19970101/article_01.htm

Answer 2

Although he says he still loves you, he may in a way blame the falling in love with you for the breakdown of his marriage (I'm assuming it was when you both got together) & the subsequent disfellowshipping from his religion. I'm not sure this relationship with you will survive that I'm afraid. Things will never be the same, it may be time for you to move on & let him try to pick his own life up the best he can.

He probably carries a hell of a lot of guilt & will unfortunately perhaps always see you as the one that brought this about...not fair I know as it takes 2 to tango.

Most probably what has destroyed this Man is not so much his divorce but more likely his getting disfellowedshipped from Jehovah's witnesses. What he needs to do is get himself sorted out & become re-enstated back to the religion (which includes all his friends) that was clearly his life, then & only then will you see a return of the Man you once knew.

Answer 3

You sound like the only thing you feel for him is pitty. He sounds like a pathetic mess. You met SEVEN YEARS AGO! that is a long time, and as you say he is a different person. He will suck the life out of you as he is a needy depressed shadow of a man, it will take all your energy to help him, when he is the only one who can help himself (healing comes from within etc)

You say he cant leave his country and you cant leave yours. Well, looks like you have to accept that. Don't waste anymore time and heart-ache on this, get out there and find yourself a proper man who will treat you how you deserve! At least you know you are being stupid over this guy. There are better men around. Your friend will have to work this out himself and it could take another 4 years! You shouldn't have to pick up the pieces for him, he sounds like and emotional drain. Love your life x

Answer 4

If he is finding himself and making changes, that means that he will be not be the same so your relationship will not be either.

BUT, that doesn't mean it has to end. If both of you truly love each other for who and how you are now, the relationship can evolve and survive the distance until you can be together.

If you are in love with the idea of what the relationship used to be, then it will never work because it already is different than it was.

Good luck. I hope you find happiness with or without him.

Answer 5

An ocean is keeping you apart!!! My God woman you fell in love with the Man From Atlantis!!! What the hell does he do under the water all day ? Hang around with Sponge Bob Square Pants and Gary the Snail. ?? Move on from this aqua marine man and find someone here in the real world.

Answer 6

right. well, the best thing i can suggest is to keep in touch through phone or e-mail, or even get a web cam so you can talk to him and comfort him. then, if you can, maybe you can visit him every so often, then he can do the same. that way, you will never lose touch and will see eachother aswell. Then one day one of you can get a job in the others country again. But don't don't pressure him into this, it might make him do something stupid. Good luck, and i hope everything turns out well.

Answer 7

Why do you want a man who is clearly depressed? Move on, if its taken him 4 years what the hell are you doing???? waiting. The love you once had was a chemical attraction, the brain will react differently this time round.

Answer 8

Hi Honey,

Let me be honest with you.
I would move on. There are some great guys out there, but don't hang around for somebody who might rekindle the love you once shared.
There is a guy out there who won't mess you about, go get him and forget this one!! x

Answer 9

if he loves you that much he would move back over to this country to be with you so you can share your love togethet instead of by phone etc. and if he only moved away coz of family drove him away or whatever they shouldnt care that hes with you if they dont want to speak to him. (i obviously dont know the whole story but thats my point of view) good luck xx

Answer 10

oh my god it must be really hard for you.
Just try and do the long distant relationship thing and im sure everything will ci=ome your way soon i really feel for you both good luck