When should you move in with your boyfriend?

Question

I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and he still doesn't want to move in together. He feels it's ok for me to go to his house and stay 3-4 nights a week whilst I pay rent on somewhere I hardly ever stay in. It also involves long drives for me and he hardly ever reciprocates. Is this a one sided relationship and should I stop staying at his. At the moment I just don't know where I stand.

Answer 1

You know exactly where you stand with him and that's right behind him. He doesn't want you to move in due to he's got it good with you coming over and spending the nights at his house. He isn't worth your time or your body. You need to dump him. If he comes running back to you, try it again. If this time nothing changes, then call it quits for good. Life is too short to waste time wondering how someone feels about you. When someone truely loves you, they show you and then tell you. That's the sure way of knowing who to move in with. Good luck and GOD bless.

Answer 2

A relationship is a partnership, and he should be able to come see you once in a while. There's a variety of options:
1.) Break it off because he's not holding up his end of the bargain, and noone wants to be the one side of a one-sided relationship (trust me I know, I did it for about a year and a half of a 2 1/2 year relationship).
2.) Cool it on the constant visits, and see if he makes an effort to see you, contact you, etc. If he does, great, if not, leave him.
3.) Go on with your life where you live and get more involved there. I'm sure you have a job where you are, and the expenses of visiting him all the time are tough. Get involved where you live, hang out with your girlfriends more, etc. If things do end up sour, you'll have a support system where you are that'll make it easier.
4.) Confront him and give him an ultimatum. This may not be taken well, and he may dump you just for making an ultimatum, but at the same time, you deserve to be treated well and not to have to do all the work. Be prepared that he's not willing to give the effort, which means that you can't be with him.

You deserve to be treated well, and it seems that this guy isn't doing it. If it were me, I'd confront him and say that you're tired of putting forth all the effort, and that if he can't put forth some effort then he's better off single. It may seem harsh, but you deserve better than he's giving you.

Answer 3

I can hear my dad now saying "why buy the cow when the milk is free?".

Dr. Laura agrees with me when I say, be with someone for at least a year before contemplating marriage. The stage you're in right now, is typical. Although marriage hasn't been confirmed, moving in together is the last step before "i do". If your boyfriend is happy with you staying at his place multiple times a week, but isn't willing to make the drive to stay with you, than there is more on the line right now than 'sharing rent'. He may not take the relationship as seriously as you do. Or he might not be ready for a committment. To protect yourself, you should start slowly changing things. Stop staying at his house. Tell him that you just can't keep making that long drive all the time, and express your feelings of paying rent someplace you aren't even at. If he asks you to move in after that, tell him you aren't sure that's a good idea. If he's not willing at this stage in the game to stay at your house, than what kind of a live in boyfriend do you think he'd be? Think beyond your problem right now. Read between the lines. Right now, your being at his house is convenient for him. He has his things, he's in his comfort zone, and you're there. You will find your answer if you begin staying at your own house. Tell him you need to be at your own house, and that you would love for him to be there too. He might suprise you and start coming to you. If he doesn't, at least you'll be used to being home again. I went through something similar to this. And a year and a half later I was back at my house, alone. My beau was an opportunist. As long as he didn't have to exurt any effort, it was cool.

Buy the book "10 stupid things women do to mess up their lives" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Answer 4

I think you need to take a step back and really think about this? Why should you be the one giving? I used to be like that too. My situation is perfect now though b/c I'm neighbors with my man. I still hardly ever stay in my bed, but we eat dinner at my house, and stay at his overnight. Anyways....STOP going over there. Stay on Fridays/Saturdays, and that's it. If he wants to see you, then he can come over a couple nights through the week. Stop giving him so much. He's getting used to it and he knows you'll give in and stay at his house this much. After a year? He still doesn't want to move in? Why? Does he doubt your relationship??? You need to ask him that. You guys have been together long enough to know whether or not you can live together....it's a big, huge step to make that move.

Answer 5

you staying at his house a few days a week is not the same as you two moving in together. it might not seem like it, but it will be very different if you guys move in together and i'm sure he realizes this, which is why he told you he's not ready to move in with you.

if you don't like paying rent for somewhere you hardly stay, don't like the long drives and most importantly don't like the fact that he's not reciprocating, then stop staying at his place for extended periods of time because at this point, you have nothing to work with. you have no leverage. he's very spoiled and won't be inclined to reciprocate if you're making things this easy for him.

Answer 6

Honey, if he's not willing to even make the drive over to yours and stay there for a few nights a week, what makes you think that if you live together things will be any different?

Obviously you'll be sharing the same living space but if he can't even be bothered to make a small sacrifice like that what else will he forego?

Are you sure that this guy is ready for a committed relationship much less worthy of you living with him? He sounds a littel selfish and a good indication of this would be to see that if you withdrew your readiness to travel to him........would he make the effort in order to see you?

Harsh but true.

Answer 7

My boyfriend (who is now my husband) moved in with me after only a week and a half of meeting. Our situation is one of the rare kinds though so I wouldn't recommend it for everyone. However, I think there's another problem here. You say the relationship is not reciprocal....I would step back and evaluate the relationship itself. If he's not willing to give to you as much as you give to him, then I'm not sure he's in it for the long haul. It almost sounds like you've become a "convenience" and as long as you'll do all the work then he can do what he pleases the rest of the time. Good luck with your situation. Sounds like you need it.

Answer 8

Is he even paying for your gas??? I would be rethinking this whole relationship if he has a problem reciprocating. I know someone who went through somewhat the same thing and after 4 years there still wasn't anything. So, be smarter. Good Luck.

Answer 9

It sounds frustrating, Ive been there too. You should tell him exactly what you have said here. Just be straight forward and tell him what you looking for. It would be better if he could come stay with you sometimes to make it fair, if he doesnt want to move in together, considering the long drive and such. I would probably ask him why he doesnt want to live together, if its not too much of a touchy subject.

Answer 10

Its obviously one sided since he wont make the effort to come stay with you. You might want to rethink the whole situation. But the question is when to move in and Id say when youre both ready. Otherwise it will cause a major rift in the relationship if one person feels pressured into living together.