One day on Myspace, I happened across my b/f's daughter's profile. He has 2 kids that live in another state and have kept in contact with until recently. He sends them cards(w/ money) for their b-day's and holidays, and if they need money for something they want, he sends what we can afford to. Since we have not heard anything from them lately, we contacted his daughter through her profile and told her to give us a call..(we have incoming service only on our phone, due to me being sick and not working) After a few messages back and forth with his daughter, who is 16, b/f's ex has gotten on there and sent a very nasty message calling my b/f a Deadbeat and saying that us calling and leaving messages before our phone service was downgraded was bull, etc.
I know he has paid no regular child support, but we do send what we can, when we can...(I met his ex 1x, when we brought his kids here for Christmas and got along fine with her)
Now I am wondering if I should message back or let it go?
2006-11-16 00:09:07 · 16 answers · asked by Termite 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
When I say send money to them, I am not talking about $10 or $20..b-days are $50 or more and Christmas is at least $100 or more for each..
As I said, phone is on limited service, we have only our trailer payment and lot rent..had to get rid of tv service, electric is paid through Soc. Services, which I get bc of my illness.. The computer I am on is my sister's... no way we can afford one..
I am not trying to make excuses, but we are financially depleted because of my illness..
and I hate it. I love his kids as my own...and if I could I would send them the world, as he would also.
2006-11-16 00:55:47 · update #1
My gut reaction is to tell you to send something back. But that won't do much to help matters. You really should let him handle it and deal with it how he chooses to. It could be that the ex is still angry about him leaving. could also be that she's having a tough time and is mad that she's not getting support from him. I know you said that ya'll send money as you can and as much as you can. From what you have also said you guys do your best to make sure that his daughter is taken care of and that is what matters. If she is ok with things then that is what matters. The ex is probably just mad cause she feels that he should be doing more and if he's doing all he can and the best that he can then that's what matters and his daughter will know and understand this.
2006-11-16 00:42:56 · answer #1 · answered by Rebel Princess 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Child support is a responsiblity and should be paid OFF THE TOP before any bill is paid. You have to understand that its cool he sends what he can when he cans BUT thats not enough. His kids have the same daily needs he has and they are his financially reponsibility. REGULAR CHILD SUPPORT is what parents who do not have custody of their kids should pay NO MATTER WHAT!!! Now, to answer your question, since things are getting nasty you should step back and let your boyfriend deal with his daughter.
2006-11-16 01:26:22 · answer #2 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Dealing with an "ex" isn't always easy, it's probably better if you let your boyfriend handle any "issues" with her, she will only resent you if you interfere.
Maybe she is having a difficult time raising their children with no financial support from your boyfriend. Was their any court ordered "child support"? Has he ever sent her any financial support for his children? If she was getting "support" before he hooked up with you, her anger would be understandable.
Please don't take this the wrong way but his children were here "first", he is equally responsible for them. It isn't fair for him to expect his "ex" to provide all the financial support.
You aren't married to him, whether or not you work is actually "irrelevant". It has nothing to do with whether or not he pays child support. If he doesn't make enough money on his job for to meet his payments, then he needs to get another job.
I have been on "both" sides of this issue so my opinion is not "biased". My husband was married before me, and had three kids. I was married before also, with three kids. I knew that my husband was "financially" responsible for his children before we got together. That arrangement had nothing to do with me, just as the child support I received from my "ex" had nothing to do with him. We both worked, and my husband always had a "second" job so we could make ends meet.
If you get "involved" with someone who was previously married with children, you should understand that he is "financially" responsible for them "first". The "gifts" and "extras" are nice but they don't make up for the day-to-day expenses involved in raising children.
I'm not trying to be "hard" on you, I think his "ex" simply resents the fact that he dumped all the financial burden on her. I'd be angry and resentful too.
Good luck.
2006-11-16 01:53:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess...it's better just to give your bf's ex...a cold shoulder...nip it in the bud...it will not do you any good if you will keep it going and parry hurting words with her...it will just start a never ending head-ache...heart-ache ...tooth-ache...and all the kinds of ache in your life. Divert and focus your mind on something worthy of your time. Good luck and God bless!!!
2006-11-16 01:50:53 · answer #4 · answered by dimma59 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is none of your business. This woman is supporting HIS kids without regular payment from him. What does "when you can" mean. What is his priority over supporting the kids? They (the mom and dad) need to get regular child support payment set up so that she will have a consistent source of help, and he can budget what he needs to give.
2006-11-16 00:12:48 · answer #5 · answered by just browsin 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋
no you shouldn't answer back. she is complety justified in being angry. sending money for birthday, xmass is NOT support. your husband IS a deadbeat. the only way to fix this would be for your husband to start supporting his children. since I don't see that happening, say goodbye to your step kids
2006-11-16 02:59:01 · answer #6 · answered by Crazy dog lady 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Let it go.
If you can afford a computer and a phone, he should be sending more towards child support.
Perhaps.. He should have considered his ability to afford kids before having any?
-HtJ
2006-11-16 00:15:54 · answer #7 · answered by hesterthehester 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
It if really not your place to message them back, if your boyfriend wants to persue this futher let him deal with it. You don't need to get in the middle of this!!!
2006-11-16 00:35:23 · answer #8 · answered by Veronica 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would leave it alone. most likely there will always be bitterness between yall and fighting about it wont help. just keep sending what you can when you can and things will work out.
2006-11-16 00:13:28 · answer #9 · answered by dr_pepper_girl19 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Deep breath, and then let it go, they just want to vent for some reason.
2006-11-16 00:13:38 · answer #10 · answered by newcovenant0 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋