Am i rushing into marriage?

Question

so my old friend from elementary, middle and high school jus came back on his 20 day leave from the marines and when he came back all the feelings came back for me and him because we used to like eachother before. the weird thing is that we havent seen eachother for 5 years and all of a sudden it all come back. i broke up with my boyfriend at the time to be with him, and we both have been going back an forth seeing eachother and right before he left to iraq, he proposed to me. i jumped up and said yes right away. we're both 20 yrs old. so he's in iraq right now but our love still feels the same since the day he left. he wants to get married in a court when he gets back so we can get more money so we can save up for a house and the big wedding wtih the family and friends. so is it a good idea to marry in the court and then a big wedding after he's done serving his time in the marines? because im willing to wait. and do u think this is true love or just puppy love? i DO love him tho =]

Answer 1

In my own opinion, I would say you guys are rushing this a little bit, but as always, only you know your heart. If you had deep feelings for this guy a long time ago and you two just drifted apart, then that would explain the intense feelings you both are having now. Chances are, during the 5 years that you haven't seen each other, you both have growed and matured and just because you have such intense feelings of love, doesn't mean that you will always connect on a deeper level. I hope that makes sense. Before jumping into marriage, you two need to slow down and have some serious conversations- is he making a career out of the marines, are you willing to continually uproot yourself to move with him and put your hopes and dreams on hold? How do you both feel about having children and all that entails, are you of the same faith....the list could go on and on and on.

I know this is probably not what you were hoping to hear, but I really think you both should slow down and date for a bit. I know him leaving for Iraq makes that hard (I'm married to an Army man who deployed- we had 2 kids, ages 4 and 2 and I was 7 months preg. with the 3rd when he left), so I hope you understand where I'm coming from. If you love each other so deeply, then that love will still be strong after some time after taking it easy before taking the leap of faith into marriage.

Answer 2

Is he the kind of guy who'll make the Marines a career? After 20 years of service, the retirement benefits are pretty good.

If so, are you ready to travel around the world, work whatever job is available in the area or on post, and be willing to be without him for long stretches while he attends various schools or heads out on deployments such as Iraq?

Being a military wife is a tough job and it takes a definite commitment to the relationship to keep it strong through it all.

On the other side, the military has many support networks available to you. Medical care if cheap while he's in. The schools are good if you plan to have kids, and so on, and so on.

It's a good way to see the world.

20 isn't necessarily too young. I'm 40 and have been married almost 19 years. It's been tough at times, but we've stuck through it. Comprise is important in any marriage. Some of his little cute habits now will irritate you later on. You have to look past that when you start to feel the change. He will need your support always.

As for the wedding, the expensive part is really the reception (and the dress of course). There are ways to have a big wedding and keep those reception costs down. You could probably have a nice wedding without waiting. Of course, if your folks and his folks help out...

Good luck to you.

Answer 3

If it was me, I would have not have broken up with my boyfriend for this Marine. Just because you have feelings for someone, doesn't mean that you love them any more or less than the boyfriend you had. When people don't see each other for a long period of time and then suddenly meet again, things can get complicated. You had a life and you dropped it all for this guy...why? You are only 20 years old...ther eis no reaosn to rush into anything, especially something as important as marriage. Think it through before deciding anything.

Answer 4

You should both seriously consider going through premarital counseling...especially if you are questioning whether your love is real or just puppy love. All of the hype and puppy love feelings will fade after a while and you need to know if you will love him through thick and thin. Don't go into marriage blind. If you can not attend counseling together because he is away, there are several christian marriage books that come with workbooks that you and your man can work through together. It asks the hard questions...gets you thinking about stuff you wouldn't have thought about.

As far as the wedding. I would wait until he is finished serving (how long is it though until he's done?) Like that guy said, it'll be hard to be a newlywed and be separated. The first year of marriage is a very important one and you don't want to spend it apart.

good luck !

Answer 5

If you truely love him then it won't hurt to wait. You really only have one wedding day- if you don't mind it being in a court then do it but if you want to have something special that you have planned then wait. You are very young- why not date for a while. WHy rush into marriage. Get to know him completely once he comes back and you two can spend more than a month together. Not marrying right away doesn't mean you don't love him any less it just means you're being responsible and watching out for yourself.

Answer 6

If you love him and he loves you and you still have feelings for him then do it. You could have a wedding in a court and then afterwards have the big wedding with all your friends and family

However you still need to consider this. Your husband will be away a lot and you are going to be by yourself and although right now you are thinking about how great it will be to get married and that you are going to have a big wedding etc. Also remember that he is going to be away a lot and when you first get married that it's going to be hard to live with. I know that the two of you love each other and I don't want to rain on your parade or anything like that, but it's something that you also need to consider.

Why not get engaged first and then see how things go, and if things are working out then get married

Answer 7

I think puppy love and true love feel the same at first, the only way to know if to test it over time. What's the rush? If it's real can't you simply have a longer engagement and have your big wedding with the family later? That's want I would do not to make a mistake. It may be a cliche but "fools rush in"

Answer 8

please wait. you ARE rushing into it.

1. you're 20

2. you're not even spending time with him now! you only had the 20 day leave.. and it may just be feelings in that short span.

3. who knows how HE might be feeling now that he's apart from you for this extended period of time?

before you marry him, you have to make sure this is the man you want to be with for the rest of your life.. and i think you should date for months at least before stepping into this big decision.

life IS short, but there is no rush.

Answer 9

When your in love it is a temporary madness, it erupts like a volcano and then its subsides and when it subsides you have to stop and think whether your lives have become so intertwined that you cant be with any1 else. Honey the everlasting love is that that can last past the fireworks, when the heat has died down. Right now your still in the fireworks wait for the excitement to die down and then you can ask yourself wetha you really wanna marry him.Marriage is no joke so be very careful!

Answer 10

the best thing you can do is seek a marriage counsleor to see if sanding out the rought spots will still make for a great marriage. Trust me they think of things you haven't. Going on all emotions or physcal isn't a good thing.