If my lesbian girlfriend is uncomfortable with public kissing, does it mean that our relationship won't work?

Question

I am a 21 year old female student in LA. I met another woman my age and we're in love. There's one huge issue that is troubling me: my girlfriend doesn't want to be my "girlfriend" in public. She's an aspiring actress and thinks being publicly perceived as a lesbian would harm her career. My girlfriend has said that it is OK for us to tell family members about our relationship (we have, and they all approve), but that in public, we need to be "just friends"--and that from time to time she will have to appear to have a "boyfriend" in order to squelch rumors she is a lesbian.

I am torn. I love my girlfriend and want to be with her. I also want to be honest about who we are. I don't want to put unreasonable demands on her, but as time goes on and our relationship deepens, I am afraid that this will be a secret impossible to keep--and both of us are going to be terribly hurt. My father agrees that being "publicly lesbian" CAN harm her acting career--and I don't want that at all!

Answer 1

If its that important to you that you should be able to be yourselves in public then it MAY not work... however, if your love for each other outweighs this need/want to go public, then you just have agree with her. Its tough for you AND for her as well. She took a RISK for you, by being your girlfriend, even if it harms attaining her dreams...try to look at it from her side, if you still think that being "together outside" is important to you then maybe its time to rethink the relationship.

Answer 2

If you feel torn then maybe you should separate for now at least. You want a woman who is like you or else you wont feel TRULY happy. You want to find someone who is on the same wavelength as you. I am sure you love her but if she cannot see it from your perspective or vice versa, you should separate and see other people. It seems a bit extreme of her to go there to prove she is not lesbian. I wouldn't be cool with that if my woman did that. I'd leave. Best of luck to you, and no attachments!!

Answer 3

CAUTION! STRAIGHT MAN RESPONDING TO QUESTION ABOUT LESBIANS! MAY BE STRANGE AND OFFENSIVE!

There is nothing wrong with publically being a lesbian. First, its who your girlfriend is and nothing should stop her from being who she is! Second, guys have nothing against lesbians. In fact we tend to drool slightly at the thought. A lesbian star in a legitimate film will make the fundies mad, but making fundies mad seems to be a great way to produce publicity if the Da Vinci Code is any guide. She just needs courage.

Answer 4

I would wonder if she is lesbian or experimenting! If she does not like public displays that is fine, I have been married for 12 years and I am not to fond of mauling my hubby in public, I understand people are judgmental and all but if she is denying who she is to herself how can she be real with you?? Maybe she should be asking the??'s

Answer 5

I think that this is an instance of "wrong place., wrong time". You are both young and have a lot of things going on! She needs to be seen as a "single" female. She cannot give YOU what you need in a relationship.
I think that you should let her do what she needs to do for her career and that you should define some goals for your life.

Answer 6

Ok It can damage her career but she being with other guys, is she imbarrased to be a lesbian?
I would tell her you don't mind not being intimate in public bt being with other guys is just wrong, it sound like she doesn't respect you

Answer 7

hey i think that's really messed up and stuff I'm also a lesbian but I'm single i guess i haven't found the right one yet but anyways i think its just plain wrong that she is actually considering having a fake 'boyfriend'

Answer 8

maybe she doesn't want people to know her business. if you love her you would respect her decision.