If my lesbian girlfriend is uncomfortable with public kissing, does that mean that our relationship won't work

Question

I am a 21 year old female student in LA. I met another woman my age and we're in love. There's one huge issue that is troubling me: my girlfriend doesn't want to be my "girlfriend" in public. She's an aspiring actress and thinks being publicly perceived as a lesbian would harm her career. My girlfriend has said that it is OK for us to tell family members about our relationship (we have, and they all approve), but that in public, we need to be "just friends"--and that from time to time she will have to appear to have a "boyfriend" in order to squelch rumors she is a lesbian.

I am torn. I love my girlfriend and want to be with her. I also want to be honest about who we are. I don't want to put unreasonable demands on her, but as time goes on and our relationship deepens, I am afraid that this will be a secret impossible to keep--and both of us are going to be terribly hurt. My father agrees that being "publicly lesbian" CAN harm her acting career--and I don't want that at all!

Answer 1

If you really care for her stick by her. May be she is having a hard time dealing with her sexuality. It sounds like she is into you. She told her parents.Just give her time.

Answer 2

You have already got the answer to your question. Let's not forget that love does not find ant better expression in public view. Could you imagine making love in public view?

Your friend is not uncomfortable with the public view of it. So, you should respect her feelings.

The important part is 'the feelings' and there seems no problem on that count. You are alrady in to a kind of relationship that most of us (human beings) do not recognise or approve. And that is the problem with your 'friend' who might very well become a celebrity and who knows when she achieves her professional goal she accepts it and fights to get it sanctify as well. In any case, she has been true to you and she has laready expressed her point of view. I believe that you are taking it too far and I'm afraid: it is your own sense of insecurity or may be you yourself do not consider it good.

Answer 3

If you feel torn then maybe you should separate for now at least. You want a woman who is like you or else you wont feel TRULY happy. You want to find someone who is on the same wavelength as you. I am sure you love her but if she cannot see it from your perspective or vice versa, you should separate and see other people. It seems a bit extreme of her to go there to prove she is not lesbian. I wouldn't be cool with that if my woman did that. I'd leave. Best of luck to you, and no attachments!!

Answer 4

As long as this is an issue with her, you had better learn to live with it or without her. If she becomes more involved with her acting it may get worse, she may have to decide between her career and you, and it sounds like her career is pretty important to her.

Answer 5

Please dont hurry and do not put pressure on your friend. Is it necessary that you should display your relations in open public? She will surely take some time to be comfortable with you in relations and will agree to your demands but have some patience for that. For further help in this matter, you can mail me at [e-mail]

Answer 6

just hope that that's the case and not that she is ashamed of being a lesbian cause you can bet it will cause a lot of problems in the future if she is going to worry all her life about what other people think.

Answer 7

she has a point - being labelled as a lesbian can actually harm her budding career ...

Answer 8

Give her some time. But if she is ashamed of being wid u then leave her.

Answer 9

if she chose her career over your love, i think u should totally dump her

Answer 10

Hey it may really harm her career, even I think so........