My girlfriend apologizes to me about everything, I tell her its ok and she still persists! Its making me horrible... what does that mean? Is there anything I can do?
2006-11-15 17:44:53 · 10 answers · asked by Zach S 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
feel horrible lol
2006-11-15 17:47:13 · update #1
Well... I have known her for about 4 years before we started going out, and we have been going out for about 8-9 months...
2006-11-15 17:50:49 · update #2
It's about really insignificant things too... Like she was apologizing profusely for not sitting next to me in physics...
2006-11-15 18:06:07 · update #3
Does this mean she cares about what I think?
2006-11-15 18:12:15 · update #4
Don't feel horrible. My fiance' does the same thing, and we've had many talks about it. It's a security issue for them and means she cares about you. She gets worried that you're going to be upset or angry(yes, even though it can be the most insignificant little things) and thus apologizes profusely. It can be aggrivating but go with it, explain to her that she doesn't need to be sorry for whatever trivial thing it is and make sure she knows for sure that you aren't upset with her over it.
2006-11-15 17:52:16 · answer #1 · answered by Sir Guardian 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hey, consider yourself lucky. A lot of women can't bring themselves to even say the "s" word.
She must be insecure about her relationship with you. And, she might be very insecure about herself. Granted, this can be a turn off. Do everything you can to assure her that you like her just the way she is and tell her that a good relationship does not depend on just one person, but both. She's trying to carry the burden of staying together and that's about the best way to see that it doesn't.
Be kind. Be gentle. But, be firm, too. She's got to learn to grow in confidence. You can be a great help to her.
2006-11-16 01:50:34 · answer #2 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is a great question! I'm not certain what the age of your girlfirend is (it seems to happen more with younger girls) but I think it's fantastic that you are so aware of it, most people just overlook it when people appologize for things that they have no control over.
Often the case is people (not just young girls) want to be liked or thought of as considerate. While that sounds nice in theory, it can also be viewed as a sign of weakness or just flat out annoying to those on the receiving end.
It wasn't until I started listening to people closely that I realized this "apology" thing was happening.
I became aware of this issue when I witnessed a man in a restaurant responding to a server. The server asked him if they could start him off with something to drink and he responded "Yes, I'm sorry, but may I have a glass of water?" He continued to appolgize for everything while dining. "I'm sorry, but may I have some salt?" "I'm sorry, but may I have more water?" "I'm sorry, but can I get the check?" I thought to myself at the time that he sounded like a wimp, not a polite person.
It is especially true in business. I have yet to see a man in a business situation appologize for something that was beyond their control like a woman (including myself) would.
Example: "I'm sorry your shipment didn't arrive on time, but bad weather delayed all flights out of Atlanta. I'm really sorry about this, but they can't tell me when the flights will be taking off. I'm sorry this has happened...I'll keep checking on it for you"
However, men in the same situation will say things like this: "We understand that your shippment didn't arrive when expected. Unfortunately, as you know, the weather is something we can't control. We have confirmation from Blah Blah, that as soon as weather permits, all delayed deliveries will take priority and you will recieve your shipment as soon as possible. Thank you for understanding and we appreciate your patience."
Same information given (without being percieved as rude) delivered without appology for things beyond one's control.
With this new awareness, I began to notice that most of the time it was females participating in this appologetic practice. I then realized (though not to the extreme of 'Diner Man' that "I" was doing it too!
Since that time, I have made an effort to change this habit. Not only do I not appologize for things I have no control over, I also let young women know (when they appologize to me without cause) that they have nothing to appologize for.You should see the looks on their faces when I tell them this...it's complete shock!
Though they may not appreciate right now, I can only hope that one day, when they least expect it, they'll remember that crazy woman giving them unsolicated advice and take it to heart.
As for your girlfriend, explain to her that she need not appologize constantly. The only time an appology is required is when you've actually done something that requires one.
Good luck to you! You sound like a good guy. If not...
"I'm sorry for thinking that of you" LOL...just kidding!;)
2006-11-16 03:41:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like she's really insecure about herself. She obviously feels as though she is disappointing you or doing something you don't like. I don't know if it's actually something you are causing, or something that's just imbedded in her brain. Maybe you should sit down and talk to her about her constant need to apologize, ask her why and try to get her to explain herself. Tell her it makes you feel horrible, ask her what she needs you to do. Tell her you want to help.
2006-11-16 01:49:44 · answer #4 · answered by sweet_bella06 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe she has low self esteem and feels sorry for her actions, deep inside. Just tell her it's ok and that you forgive her for whatever she has done ( if it's not to bad) Hug her and change the subject. * Yes, she must care what you think.
2006-11-16 01:50:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just tell her that youve noticed she has a habit of saying 'sorry' ...that youre not her mommy or daddy or the teacher at school. ;) She'll realize it and stop herself eventually. She's a people pleaser but tell her it's not necessary all the time! ;) Peace.
2006-11-16 01:53:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I do that all the time too. Everyone hates it, it wont even be my fault and I'll say sorry... IDK why. I guess Im more insecure then most people... and I feel akward and dont know what else to say... so I just say sorry. It's just a habit I guess. Don't worry though its nothing you did wrong and not much you can do other then say... "what are you sorry for... don't be."
2006-11-16 01:47:42 · answer #7 · answered by yourguardianangel88 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
A combination of lower self-esteem and the desire to please everyone. I did it to for a long time, especially with an ex who I felt was much better than me.
(Thankfully I learnt to not give a s*** what anyone else thought LOL)
2006-11-16 01:50:38 · answer #8 · answered by Monika M 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
hmm,
just hearing this small bit, i think you are in a new-er relationship.
she is probably just not 'used' to you / not completely at ease around you, yet.
i think she's just a polite person and hasn't lost her formalities around you.
keep her around, she'll loosen up.
2006-11-16 01:49:23 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
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2006-11-16 01:47:51 · answer #10 · answered by sndn_21 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋