How do I handle my daughter starting to talk to boys on the phone???

Question

I have a 12 year old daughter who has been talking to a boy on the phone. I do not know how to handle the situation. At first I just took the phone away from her. I know this is normal for jr. high and I know she is growing up. But this is my first and only daughter and I do not know how to handle it or what to say to her. I feel 12 is too young to be talking to boys on the phone. Am I wrong? I can't just lock her up...but yet I can't let her get moving too fast. Any advice would be appreciated. Please only serious responses. Thanks.

Answer 1

When my middle daughter was in the 6th grade she had a sleep over - boys and girls. They had all been in school together since kindergarten and had not displayed any signs of interest in each other. The parents knew me and not one raised any question about the co-ed sleep over. As we all suspected, the kids had all retained their innocence and we were not about to spoil it by imposing our thinking on them.

They played games, talked and listened to music in her room and when it came time to go to sleep, the girls put the boys out of the room out of modesty. I never had to intervene in anything.

Don't impose your thinking or past behavior on your daughter. Of course she is growing up and boys are a part of that. If you hold on too tightly she'll not only end up resenting you but also sneaking around for a taste of the forbidden fruit. Set a good example of how a young lady should act and be treated. Know who your daughters friends are - male or female and trust that you have raised her well.

(By the way, that daughter ended up coming home every evening after her high school job and sat at the foot of my bed telling me about her day - boys included. When she graduated from college we ended up working together.)

Answer 2

Talking on the phone isn't anything serious to be worried about right now! At 12 and 13, I talked on the phone with my boyfriend a LOT. We never talked about sex... we just talked about our days, people at school, things we liked, etc.

You can always talk to her about sex- anytime is a good time to start this talk- and make sure you tell her everything... how you can get aids, stds, pregnancy, pregnancy on birth control pills, pregnancy with condoms, pregnancy from precum (my 17 yr old brother at the time had no idea this could happen)... so yes, I think it is something that needs to be told. Talking to your daughter is very important- to have a good bond with her. Let her feel comfortable enough around you so she will come to you if she needs to. If you have to, ask her what all she talks about on the phone. I'm sure she's not moving too fast. I even had long talks on the phone in high school and wasn't sexually active. But I also had parents who warned me about sex- and I also took a Parenting and Family Relations Class in high school that helped me learn quite a bit as well. Communication is very important with your daughter. try not to judge her too much- maybe make a limit of how long she is allowed on the phone- my parents did that too. But don't grab the phone away from her, she will be so embarrassed.

Answer 3

This is a very critical stage in you and your daughters relationship, it can go in two possible directions. In her eyes you can either become the father figure she trusts and depend on to be there and is interested in her life...or(and this is the bad one)...you can become the one(in her eyes) that deprive her of all the joys in life.

As parents it is our jobs to protect our children from all the dangers in life, or rather to try and protect them. We have to worry about all these things. So don't worry, your not the only protective parent out there. But the sad truth is, that ultimately we as people can't protect them. So what do we do...We prepare them for the future, by expressing our honest views on things. Like this particular situation, My suggestion to you would be Not to take the phone from her or try to deprive her from talking to boys...This will only strengthen her resolve, and she will find another way of talking to them, and then she’s already hiding things from you.

My advice would be to allow her to use the phone, but to teach her the fundamentals of dating, How a boy should treat a girl, make sure she gets this at an early age. If she know how she is supposed to be treated, she might not settle for any thing less.

Teach her and give her advice, but also interact with her, let her speak her mind and share in her joy(that is if and when she falls in love). Warn her about the dangers, but don't deprive her of life. Protect her to the best of your ability, but not at the cost of your relationship...

Good luck, and hang in there, it all works out in the end. All you need is faith(and a lot of it) and keep praying that God will protect her.

Answer 4

Well talking on the fone is better then her sneaking out to see the boy!!
Just think, u doing that (taking the fone away from her) might actually make her want to be rebellious and actually go and see him!!
Chattin on the fone is harmless unless they are talkin about adult thigns then id say leave em be hun!!
I only have young daughters atm but im not looking forward to the teens yrs but u have to remember what it was like for u at that age....altho things have changed ALOT since then u do still have to be ur kids friend as well as their guider!!

Good luck and dont be too hard on the lil girl!! She is only a pre teen btw and still finding herself!!


=)

Answer 5

Let her talk on the phone, if you don't she will feel like you don't trust her and she might start to sneak around, this is such a hard age for girls to go through. You should tell her you'd like to meet these boys. Give her a little space but not too much, let her know you love her and worrie about her, you guys should talk openly to each other.

Answer 6

Ask your daughter who she was on the phone with when she is done talking. ''Anna, who was that.'' You will most likely get an answer like ''nobody'', ''a friend from school'' or ''andrew''. Be interested, if she answers nobody, explain to her that you would like to know who she is talking to on the phone. If she says it is a friend from school, ask if they are in classes together, are they working on a project together. And if she tells you what his name is ask a few questions. Try to ask the questions without drilling her, she souldn't feel uncomfortable and neither should you.

Good Luck
(mom of a teenage girl)

Answer 7

If you stop her, she will do it any way behind your back and other things as well.

If you allow her with guidelines, she will feel more comfortable talking with you and will even include you in the conversations.

I was this girl before... my parents were loving and did not want any boys in my life! But, that made me create a secret life. When they began to allow it with rules and guidelines, I followed and we had a open relationship.

Good luck! Raising children isn't easy. I give you much props!

Answer 8

Well wen i was in high school 13, i would c my best friend everyday at school,whos a boy,wen we would get home i would ring him or he would ring me and we would talk about all sorts of crap 4 hours,just yaknow normal teen stuff like who likes who or whos going out with who
so i think its ok 4 her to b talking on the phone with boys it normal dont worry about it there nothing thry would b talking about to worry you!

Answer 9

when my daughter started talking to boys about the age of 12 i had one rule, she had to be in the same room or very close to where i was. no, going off in another room to talk, i did not really listen much but i want her to know i was present, so, that really let her know to watch herself and what was acceptable and what was not.

Answer 10

well first off don't assume its sexual talk because she should be able to communicate with boys.. she may have been talking about a homework assignment or a hundred other possibilities.. im sure its nothing to worry about. twelve year olds usually don't have anything in mind except holding hands and maybe watching a movie together.