I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. Before that, we were best friends for 3 years. We've lived together for 2 years now. We've been through everything together. Like any other relationship, we've had our ups and downs...
Anyways- we've talked about marriage only a little. I get that he isn't ready...but the way he acts is so discouraging. He says he doesn't want anyone else, that he's 100% happy with us...and I know he loves me.
So what is the problem here?
Not to mention, that when we first got together HE was talking about marriage and whatnot. Now it's me talking and he doesn't seem so interested.
HELP! Please!
2006-11-15 16:22:35 · 16 answers · asked by ilpbab 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Now he is comfortable ... living the comforts of marriage without actually doing the marriage. Sometimes you have to give slight ultimatims. Because it's something YOU want. And if he isn't even considering it, you may be wasting your time. Have that talk with him. " I need to know ... is marriage even in your near future?" It's a fair question. I'm assuming you're of that age. Good luck in whatever you do, but don't give up without a good talk. And don't settle for "playing house" for the rest of your life either!
2006-11-15 16:27:40 · answer #1 · answered by Recreantess 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you said when you first got together he was talking about marriage----you weren't living together then. Now that you have been living together for two years, why should he bother to ask you to marry him? He has all he wants and needs without the committment.
That is one good reason NOT to live together! I'm not preaching to you, just stating a fact! They always used to say, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free." Makes sense.
If you want to get married, you will have to have a talk with him and find out what his intentions are. I don't know how old you are, but if you are ready for the responsibilities of marriage and he isn't, then I guess I would get my own place to live and tell him you can no longer go on this way. If he really loves you, he will have to make a decision.
Only you know what you want to do! No one on here can make the decision for you. Good luck!
2006-11-15 22:45:11 · answer #2 · answered by Cat Lover 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he isn't ready. are you both young? i have been with my boyfriend for 9 years, we aren't married and i am not rushing into it. i feel we are as committed and devoted to each other as any other married couple. the marriage license is a piece of paper and won't promise happiness. i will admit i get tired of people asking me when we will get married. like they are shocked it hasn't happened already. our relationship goes through its ups and downs but i am amazed at how the relationship continues to evolve. if you are in it for the long haul focus on the things that will make your relationship stronger and communicate more with your partner because its crazy how two people can misinterpret each another. its so easy to want the diamond ring, and the dress and the guests, the whole big day but what does it all mean? you've spent thousands to publicly display your love but at the end of the day how is your relationship functioning? we're in a different generation than our parents (i am 28). settling down at a young age was the norm, today its different. maybe you both want different things. do you want to get married because you are ready to start a family? maybe he is not ready for that?
2006-11-15 16:37:03 · answer #3 · answered by cami 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hang in there!!! my fiance and I were dating nine years before he asked me to marry him. And for a while it was very discouraging. I was very frank and up front with him and told him how I felt. Then when he still didn't ask me I became a little distant and made Him feel just a touch jealous. I am not one for games but Some times men have to be pushed. Nine years is a very long time to wait.
2006-11-15 16:33:39 · answer #4 · answered by KT 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is thinking about it more than he wants you to know...a lot of times guys don't want us ladies to think so much about marriage and the future. He may have a ring waiting for the right time and he wants you to be surprised. If he talks about it all the time with you, and then proposes you might be expecting it...maybe he just wants it to be special.
2006-11-16 03:58:32 · answer #5 · answered by VAWeddingSpecialist 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't push it, don't rush it. He probably just wants to feel more than sure.He may not be ready.But if you rush it and pressure him, he will back away more or do it because you want and it won't be what he wanted-so he will not be happy with it. Take your time.I know that sounds crazy because you been together for a while but when it is time, the time will come.
2006-11-15 17:39:16 · answer #6 · answered by RoxieC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, how old are you? It may depend on your age. Maybe he feels that the two of you are still too young for marriage. Or maybe he hasn't thought of the perfect way to surprise you yet. Or maybe he's just timid. If you really want to marry him, why don't you ask him to marry you yourself? It's not a bad thing for the girl to ask for marriage instead of the guy, I know that's how my cousin got married. His girlfriend asked him to marry her.
2006-11-15 16:27:04 · answer #7 · answered by Kayari of Midnight 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem seems to be you want to get married and he does not. Well, he doesn't really need to; you are living with him and he doesn't need anything else - why would he need marriage? It's too bad, but you made your own bed....
2006-11-15 22:28:59 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i think he might be scared since marriage is a big step. even though he loves you and all its something that would really change your life. so i guess he just doesn't want to rush into things. dont think about it too much just let it flow dont pressure him. hope that helps good luck!
2006-11-15 16:31:12 · answer #9 · answered by confused 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't wait too long for a proposal.If he wanted to get married, you would be the first to know.They only ask the woman they truly Love to marry them.Are you willing to wait?Are you in love or just comfortable with him?Remember where there's doubt, you should get out.........Don't wait and be old and bitter.....
2006-11-16 02:41:08 · answer #10 · answered by Maw-Maw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋