Hi everyone. I've read a few articles on this topic I am about to divulge on, and know that it probuly isn't right or even normal, but I just wanted to see how many of you have been in this situation and IF things worked out.
For about 1 1/2 years, I have dated this guy, who now is 27, who is still living at home with both parents. During our time dating, I have done my fair share of aging him to move in with me (I'm 22, been on my own since 19) or him moving out on his own into his own apartment and he doesn't bulge due to one excuse or another. I even signed a new lease for a 2 bedroom apartment so he might move in, and nothing, I'm still here all by myself :). Has this kind of situation ever worked out with any of you reading this??? Where the guy actually moves out, gets married, has kids and has a house one day? Or even moves out? Am I dealing with a perpetual co-dependant guy, or is there a ray of hope in these types of situations. Please Share. Thanks!
2006-11-15 16:02:29 · 8 answers · asked by inquisitive_grl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Wy would he move out of his parents house?
Free room and board.
He has the best of both worlds.
A girlfriend, a mommy, and free rent.
He will never move out
2006-11-15 16:06:49 · answer #1 · answered by ABYSS 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
All I can say at my ripe old age of 31 is don't cause your stress trying to change someone or force an action.
I dont think 27 is so old to be living at home with his parents, depending on what hes doing college-wise, career-wise of if he has some plans hes trying to jump start. So being there now doesnt necessarily point to "co-dependency". there's not enough infor provided in yr question to really say that. You are there and see the total picture so I would ask these things: Has he received any advanced education or career training? Is he working at a job where he has increasing responsibilities? Is he responsible with the money he does have? Is he paying his parents any money for allowing him to stay there at his advanced age? Has he ever said to you he prefers living at home becuase he doesnt have to deal with all the expenses? Does he now how to clean up/cook/take care fo things around the home? Is he independent in mind, if not in his living situation?
If predominantly your answers are in the negative, I would say that while this person may be kind and pleasurable to you in some ways, there may be a mismatch of ambition and/or motivation between the 2 of you and even if he moved in tomorrow, that difference in you two would most likely allways be present and wld cause some resentment and/or some nagging down the road...
at 22, you have your own 2 BR apt, so i think that means u have a job, a place to live, and the good sense to ask the right questions before embarking on something bigger with this fella...so even if it doesnt work out, give yrself a wknd to cry it out, then stand up, breathe out, then in and know that you are a good catch for some other man who can keep up with you....WORK IT GIRL
2006-11-15 16:18:55 · answer #2 · answered by kinduvabrat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its hard to get someone to move that seems like they dont want to. Sometimes they come around and sometimes they dont. I know of a couple where the the lady moved into the house with the mom and dad of her boyfriend (she was miserable) but when she finally gottem to move out everything seemed to be going extremely well. You seem positive, keep being you and he should come around.
2006-11-15 16:15:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this guy is to dependent on mom and dad. He wants to have a grown up relationship, but he is not acting grown up.
You might reconsider dating this man. You don't want someone who is to needy, or a mommas boy. His parents need to kick him out. Talk to him about your feelings on this matter. If he loves you, he should listen. Watch the movie, Failure to Launch.
That is about your situation. It is a real one, and these men need help. They need to grow up, and get their own life. Before they can have a romantic relationship.
2006-11-15 16:10:06 · answer #4 · answered by woman of steel 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YOU NEED TO TELL HIM THAT YOU WANT A RELATIONSHIP
WITH HIM BUT THIS AT HOME MESS AT 27 . IS FOR THE
BIRDS. IT REALLY SOUND LIKE HE NOT GOING NO WHERE
SO, YOU MAY HAVE TO FIND A REAL MAN. SORRY TO SAY
ANY MAN THAT HOME WITH MOMMY AT HIS AGE. HAS
SOME ISSUES. HE WILL NOT CHANGE UNTIL YOU
STEP UP AND PUT HIM ON THE MAT.
2006-11-15 16:10:39 · answer #5 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're dealing with a man who is afraid to grow up. You may want to let him know that you're not going to wait forever.
2006-11-15 16:10:48 · answer #6 · answered by Mille_D-Gurl08 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it means he's not ready to be responsible and he can't survive on his own. don't wait for him. your just wasting your time.
2006-11-15 16:09:00 · answer #7 · answered by Coolitz 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's not responcible enough.
2006-11-15 16:07:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋