please i need a good advise, about my situation with my mom?

Question

am 24, and NEVER got along with my mom, til this day. we are very different people. she has hurt me so much and put me thru things that i would NEVER put my daughter thru. anyways last year after thankgiving we were not talking until i found out that her chihuahua, had died after 11 years. trust me you guys, she loves her dogs more than me, by now i really dont care. so i called her, i knew she was very bad, depressed, wouldnt eat, even wanted to kill her self, and i was there for her..but did not last, we havent spoken for 5/6 months now, but i feel horroble cause she is all alone, am the only child. the first annyversary of the death of her dog is coming, i could bet she is already crying about it. and am worried about that, the holidays, the death, her being alone. should i call her, i was thinking maybe my husband could do it for me. i really feel very unconfortable with her. what should i do?

me and her CANNOT talk, we crash, she yells i cry..no i do not whant to talk to her, just to make sure she will be ok this holidays

i have tryed, to get along with her but she just steps over me, when i defent my self, she feels offended

Answer 1

If you live close enough, you might stop by with some flowers for her, or if you're uncomfortable with person-person, send her some with a note that says, "I remember. If you need me, call me." It will go a long way in letting her know you care and hurt with her. I handled my dad losing one of his horses this way, and it helped to mend some fences.

Answer 2

There are obviously more feelings coming through than what you have said here. Either she has always been a less than perfect mother or there was a huge hurdle along the way. You both need to come to terms with the origin of your discontent first. Have either of you sought counseling for this? While I am not in agreement, is there a reason that the dog was her best friend? Do try to talk to her. It is really not your husbands responsibility, but kudos if he wants to step to the plate and offer some assistance for both of you. Sounds like it is really hurting all of you. Good Luck!

Answer 3

It sounds to me like you might feel pretty guilty if you don't call her. So you should probably give her a call and let her know you were thinking about her, and ask if she needs anything. If she seems receptive and you feel you want to get together meet for lunch or have coffee.
On the other hand, It also sounds like you have already tried to mend fences before, and she isn't trying to keep the relationship going. Trust me I know how that is. I had a very difficult relationship with my father. It's frustrating to reach out to someone who does not want to have a relationship with you. Maybe over time it will get better. Unfortunately, sometimes it even takes a tragedy to bring a family closer. Bottom line is you only have one family and you never know what could happen. Try to let your mom know you care without making yourself miserable in the process.

Answer 4

6 months is way to long for your mother to go with out a phone call or a visit even. do not feel bad for her she is the one that needs to apologize to you. she needs some parenting skills big time she needs to grow up as well come on i can see if it was one of your siblings if you have any? i can not believe your mom crying over her dog instead of being there for her daughter that woman is to much. don't even bother calling her she can care less what you have to say only will cause more problems between you two mother knows best. sorry if i offended you in any way but a parent should never treat their kids the way she has you in the matter of speaking.

Answer 5

This is a real catch 22. You should do what you think is right. That could be a lot of things. One fairly safe technique would be to write her a letter. Tell her that you are thinking about her and worried that she might be sad because of this upcoming anniversary. Send a bouquet of flowers in memory. This might melt her heart a bit and you could feel better too. Don't make your hubby do it. I'm pretty sure she'd resent that. Good luck and remember that if you give it your best shot and she doesn't respond, you have nothing to feel guilty about or responsible for.

Answer 6

you should call her.. Try and tell her how you feel about things cause she should understand that oneday she wont get to say good bye or you wont be able to and that would just be sooo hard. There are just some cold hearted ppl in this world trust me i have a lot of them in my family... but just call he and be like mom i just wanted to talk to you and see how your doin.. tell her you miss her maybe she never got much love from her mom and dad so she feels that's how she has to treat you. tell her you miss her..

stuff like that i mean that's what i would do you might be like this girl is crazy she dont know my mom and your right but i have a son and i could not imagine not talking to him or seeing him everyday.. same goes with my mom and i, i have to talk to her i would go crazy but i also have never had a father in my life so that might be why.. but there was times that i was so mad at my mom cause she would just hand me off to the 1st person that said they would take me i lived without my mom half of my life..

well i hope things work out for you Hun
bye bye
Erica

Answer 7

I would call her. My mom once gave me some advice that I have taken to heart. Granted it wasn't about the relationship between she and I but my ex hubby and me instead. Anyway she told me to try my hardest to do what was best to remedy the situation, so that way if things didn't work out I could walk away saying I gave it my all and with no remorse. You see my conscious is clear to this day after my divorce just because I did as she suggested. Hope this helps. Good luck.

Answer 8

I never got along with my mom either.

She was a drunk and a pain in the ***.

She died a 1 1/2 years ago, I was 30

Be the better person and call her. If she gets in your face about anything just explain that your not going to talk to her when she acts like that.

When she is gone you will wish you had called her.

Just call her up and see how she is doing. Just be strong and know she can't hurt you. You can just hang up the phone.

Answer 9

moms are really great with theguilt games.I think that you know a child now adult should come first.i wonder if your mom recieved the unconditional love for a child from her mom,if not that may be why she keeps you at arms lenghts.sadly relations cannot always be repaired . a pet is a wonderful friend ,but its feelings and heartaches no where equal the pain your feeling from the rejection from your mom.I might simply send a card stating your in my thoughts .It may not be what your mom wants to hear but dont allow yourself to be a whipping post.nor should you do the same back as they say we do not get to choose who are family members are but we do choose our friends so pick those who have similar emoitional abilities as you do.not evey son out there would even care .your a good son you obviously love your mom but she needs to return the love.

Answer 10

Mothers have a way of always getting on your nerves and hurting your feelings. But you only have one mother and even though you guys are not close, you will miss her when she is gone. I would call her just because it is a nice thing to do and she IS your mother. But if you choose not to speak to your mother over the holidays, you may regret it later.