We have been together for about 3 years and have been living together for almost a year now. I do not have insurance at the moment because i work out of my house, but he has insurance. We are planning a wedding for May 5th, 2007, but are thinking of getting married at the courthouse so that we can make it legal and so i can get insurance finaily. Then continue on with our plans for the wedding in may and not really say anything to anyone about allready being married besides to the parents. i am wondering if anyone out there has done this before, what they thought about doing this, and if it effected them in any other way. or if anyone has any tips on doing this. please let me know! i would greatly appreciate it!
2006-11-15 15:43:42 · 19 answers · asked by annom2 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
My fiance (well, husband now) and I had been engaged for a little over 1 year when we went to Las Vegas to get married. A "real" (read: traditional) wedding was already in motion; we've kept our Vegas wedding secret.
We had diff reasons than you do; mostly, we wanted something special that was just our secret and we just really want to get married! Also, the wedding becomes more about everyone else than it does about you and your future husband and we wanted something just for us.
We love it. We're still having our big traditional (and expensive) wedding with all our friends and family. We'll have two anniversary dates, but yes, our first date of marriage will be the legal one (almost 2 months! :)
We've already talked to the minister who will be officiating our big wedding and he's cool with it.
As far as common law marriage, usually the time period is longer than 3 years in the states that actually still recognize CL marriage. And you have to be holding yourselves out as a married couple. Maybe check to see if your fiance's insurance offers domestic partner benefits, which may be easier to qualify for. Getting married for pragmatic reasons isn't unusual, in fact, it's what most marriages were about only until recent years.
Think about this: what's the bigger risk, getting sick with no insurance or getting married, getting insurance, and having family or friends find out and be miffed? That's something you'll have to weight personally as to what's more important.
2006-11-15 16:15:06 · answer #1 · answered by Candy M 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Go for it, plus if you do it before the beginning of the year, its a tax write-off! My Best friend's parents were completely against the wedding, (crazy b/c this is like the best guy ever, and he has been a fabulous husband-theyve yet to come up with a decent reason-it wasn't rushed or anything!) and she was 20 and not legal to marry w/o parental consent in our state, so the week before, she and her now husband went to the next state over where you can get married legally w/o parental consent at 18 and got married at the courthouse, and then had the real ceremony back home that weekend. They don't even acknowledge the couthouse one..to them it was just a formality. Just keep it under wraps if it bothers you, but they ussually post those things in the newspaper in some section that has the marriages and divorces, deaths and births, so it will be somewhat public....
2006-11-16 02:23:48 · answer #2 · answered by ASH 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, I don't agree with what your plans are.
You only get one wedding day (per marriage, at least). If you choose to have that wedding day be at a courthouse, then that's fine. If you choose to have a big wedding, that's fine too. But having two wedding days is just silly to me.
It sounds as if you are describing getting married in a courthouse, pretending (aka lying) to other people that you aren't married, and then having a big wedding later. That would be starting off your marriage surrounded by lies, and I don't think that's a good idea.
Why not get married at the courthouse, if you need insurance right now so badly and don't want to just get your own (you can do that, you know. Try Aflac), and then have a big reception later in May. But please don't hide the fact that you're married from others.
2006-11-16 02:00:37 · answer #3 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Somehow people will find out that you secretly married and feelings will be hurt. May as well wait until next May 5, which is less than 7 months away. If you have been living common law for almost a year then your fiances insurance should take affect after that date anyway. Have him investigate if this is the way his policy reads. Regardless of when you marry may you both be happy and healthy and not in need of the insurance for many years to come.
2006-11-15 15:52:00 · answer #4 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Technically the courthouse marriage would be your legal wedding date...if you are planning on getting married in a church you should set up a meeting and talk to the pastor. Tell him what you are thinking about and see what he says. I know that some churches will let you marry even if you've had a civil ceremony, but others will not. Since you've waited this long already...what is another 5 months?
2006-11-16 03:56:38 · answer #5 · answered by VAWeddingSpecialist 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not for deceiving people but , why not just do it & just keep quite about it?
The parents may feel cheated that they missed your actual wedding, since you have one planned in May.
As far as the anniversary, how many others but you actually remember the day. And if it is brought up later you may have to confess, which will cause some hurt feelings. Or you can have a smaller wedding now with close family & friends and then have the celebration in May. Why don't you talk to the parents & see what they advise.
2006-11-15 17:39:33 · answer #6 · answered by weddrev 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My daughter said she always dreamed of getting married outside. But her husband was of another religion, and had to be married in the church first. So because of scheduling, they got married in the church on Thursday, and in the garden on Saturday. That was only 2 days, and she said it really bothered her to have two weddings.
If it's a matter of not being able to afford the big wedding till May, I'd make it a smaller wedding and do it sooner. That is a day that is supposed to be special!
2006-11-15 23:11:16 · answer #7 · answered by Cat Lover 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how important is have this insurance it like 7 months away till your wedding i would say not to get married in the courthouse... i feel this will take the spark out of the real deal but then it sounds to me insurance may be more important to you if this is the case then go to the courthouse
2006-11-15 15:46:54 · answer #8 · answered by loveinit2345 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do no longer save your marriage a secret. Your actual ceremony would be your courthouse ceremony. somebody is for specific to be sure which you're married and then the secret would be out. in case you prefer a suited ceremony in simple terms wait and characteristic that one. in any different case in simple terms get married on the courthouse. you've a reception later yet having a precise ceremony feels like a moot element. you're already married. you ought to do a vowel renewal yet regardless of you do, do no longer deceive your loved ones via protecting your marriage a secret. confirm this is what the two one in all you prefer and the two one in all you're able to be keen to compromise.
2016-10-22 04:24:54 · answer #9 · answered by Erika 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is what marriage is all about. Not weather it is legal. If you really have to have the insurance then do it. But know in your heart that the wedding part that you want is what really brings you both together as one. If you don't have to have the insurance...then I'd wait. Make it legal, you both become one united force all in one wedding. Can you move the date of the wedding closer?
2006-11-15 15:56:50 · answer #10 · answered by suagr_britches 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋