My future Mother in Law is a walking nightmare?

Question

My future mother in law hates me because I take offense at her trying to be my boyfriend's wife. She lives next door and comes over whenever she feels like it, sometimes before we are out of bed. I started world war 3 by asking her one day not to...now i am devil spawn and she hates me.Please help

Answer 1

I tried to read all of the other "answers" above, but most people kept saying the same thing. So, if I repeat I am very sorry.
First of all, I have a fiance with a pain in the rear for a mom.
One thing I can tell you NEVER to do is to sit down and talk with her. You'll get absolutely nowhere and she'll probably just tell everyone about your conversation and make you sound terrible. That's what my honey's mom does.
He and I have been together for 4 years and have a 1 year old daughter. I think since we've had our daughter, he sees more and more how rude and intrusive his mother is. She has a comment for everything.
I get so frustrated I could just scream...sometimes I have! When I first started bringing things up to my guy, he would get really defensive of his mom. I've had to learn to choose my words carefully, especially because men don't pay much attention so he misses most of the crap that she pulls. Now that I can talk to him about her and he understands my frustration, I feel so much better. It's almost like I just wanted my feelings justified by him. He has gotten better about being stronger/tougher with his mom.
Pretty much you just have to suck it up and deal with her. It won't hurt for you to say things back to her. Don't give her all the power because it sounds like she will abuse it. Choose your words very carefully when responding to something she has said or done.
So don't have a "conversation" cause it will probably bite you in the tush and don't push your man to confront her because that will only cause strain in your relationship with him. Just tell him you need to have a real discussion with him about his mother. Try not to say anything terribly bad about her, just tell him how things make you feel. Ultimately, he needs to be doing what makes you feel better and happy because you are the one he is sharing sex, a home and a life with. Ma-in-Laws need to figure out that the girlfriend/fiance/wife should be the most important woman in a mans life. Would they want their Ma-in-Law to act like them....I DOUBT IT!!!!

Good luck with everything.
I feel your pain!

Answer 2

Why not try and sit down with this woman, just you and she, over a cup of coffee or tea or whatever. Try to have a mature conversation with her without apologizing and inform her of how much you love her son and want the best for your relationship etc. Then go on and explain that you don't mind her coming over now and again but she needs to have some parameters and not just show up unexpectedly especially when your not even out of bed. She may still think you the spawn of the devil, but at least she may respect you a lot more for confronting her woman to woman on this topic. Keep an open mind on what she has to say and speak only when it is your time to do so. Best of luck.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, this will not get better. I suggest moving. This is her way of showing you that she still has authority with him and that she can run his life. Now is the time to make him stand up to her. Ask him to change the locks, and have his mother wait til a decent hour to visit. I have a nightmare for a mother in law too. It has finally gotten better after 10 years.

Here are some things I have learned over the years. Pick your battles. Let the small stuff slide and fight tooth and nail for the big stuff. Don't allow her to run your life or keep her nose in your business (finances). If you let her now, she will only want to continue when you are tired of her. Never live within yelling distance of her. It is best to put distance between you, everyone will get along a lot better. NEVER ask for money, NEVER live with her, NEVER loan her money, I am sure there is another one but I can't think of it.

Be civil to her, treat her with the same respect she shows you. Let your husband learn to stand up to her (make him). Things will most likely get worse before they get better, hang in there!!

Answer 4

I hope you're not buying into all this crap about if you marry him you're married to her blah blah , pleaseeeeeeee if you think you have a bad mother-in-law to be it can't be any worse than my mother-in-law. She'd tell my husband to come over and do her dishes, laundry, put a roof on the house, yadda yadda(AND SHE'S 47 YEARS OLD). My husband works 6 days a week. She wanted him to come over and do these things on his only day off. He finally realized just how evil she was. Don't put up with that crap. That's your home not hers. Let her know she is not welcomed at certain times, and she should respect that. It's your home honey not hers. Who cares if you're with her son? He's a grown adult. Don't waste your time trying to patch things up. If she get's upset over privacy she'll be pissed at you no matter what. Good Luck, and stand your ground!

Answer 5

Marry him, and you're married to her, whether you like it or not. Always good to get to know the family before getting married. I would back off if I were you. Or at least have a frank talk with the boyfriend. See if he chooses you over her, but then move to another planet, or at least to another continent.
The other solution, of course, is to find a way of being reconciled to your mother in law. That is the best. But it takes two of you. You could do something like this:
"Your son and I are going to be married. So you and I will be in the same family. We obviously don't get along together, and I would like to do something about that. It will be difficult for the two of us to talk this through, and I suggest we see a counsellor together. I am willing to pay the cost for both of us." Perhaps just your determination to do something about it will impress her. But counselling would be good.
But don't get into a relationship that could become hell on earth.

Answer 6

This is not a typical mother in law!!! Try you best to make peace and find a happy ground. I know its hard, but you will feel better for it later. The mother is just stuck in her ways. Don't make it harder than it already is for her to back down. You make the first moves as long as it takes. It will hurt and feel bad sometimes, just don't take it to heart. Good luck!

Answer 7

uh oh. repair the damage ASAP - you don't want bad relations with your mother-in-law. it will haunt you for the rest of your life and you will be miserable. just call her, apologize, and explain that you meant no harm - it's not that you don't want to see her, it's just that you get caught off guard before you're ready in the morning and you're not your best at the time. tell her that you want her to feel free to come to her son's place and you're not trying to take that away from her. kiss up for a while, at least until she doesn't hate you anymore. try to find other ways of dealing with this problem...locks on the door, etc. even if she's hard to deal with, be accomodating because she's your fiance's mother. it's worth it to put in some extra effort in this case.

Answer 8

it's your house! if you don't want people coming round before you get up, i think that's completely reasonable. she is going to have to learn some manners and not treat your home as though it's her right to stroll in and out whenever she feels like it. she is going to have to deal with the fact that you have spoken up, it's her problem now and she has been asked, if she continues to do it then she obviously has no respect at all for either of you. don't let her walk all over you, it's your family now!

Answer 9

OMG! There is another one out there like mine! I would have never guessed! ---- Guess what I got to do..... my in-laws asked if my husband and I would drive their moving trunk to Phoenix, AZ if they moved. I said, YES I love road trips! I moved her ass from New York to Phoenix, AZ last summer! It was by far the best thing I have ever done! I made a deal with her and she gave me a 2000 Blazer for driving her away! My payout was so big. How could I have passed this opportunity to move her over 2,000 miles away from us? Then I got a cell phone and now I don't even have to her her voice. I suggest you do the same!!
Good Luck! It doesn't get any better!

Answer 10

The most important thing is if you and your future husband are on the same page with her. Does he support your wanting to have her not come over unannounced? What does he tell his mother about this?

If not - beware - you will always be "devil spawn" to her, and only second place to her with your husband.