Well my girlfriend is talking about how depressed she is and how much she hates her life and it gets pretty intense. She tells me not to say anything but I do lover her and I wanna help but how? Just so you dont ask she's 17 & I'm 18.
2006-11-15 13:35:06 · 17 answers · asked by Terrell S 1 in Health ➔ Mental Health
wow i really cant tell you really
2006-11-17 12:50:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't say how serious her depression is.Considering your age I would imagine one reason for her reluctance to talk to anyone is that neither one of you have had exposure to therapy and have many preconceived ideas. And let's face it ,getting psyhciatric help still has a stigma attached to it in our soceity.
I suggest you start by attending an Al-Anon, ACA (adult child of an alcholic), or Ala-teen (Al-anon teenager) meeting. (ACA & Ala-teen are subsidairies of Al-Anon) Although the name implies the meetings are just for people dealing with an Alcoholic, this is not true. People from disfunctional families, people who feel disfunctional, etc.., etc..., attend these meetings. There are no therapists, the meetings are run by peers. They are all run "anonymously", meaning no one gives their name (only their 1st name and if that makes you uncomfortable give a fake one). Everything that is said in the group stays in the group. They are run by the Alcoholics Anonymous model - the 12 steps.Everyone gets a turn to talk but if you don't want to talk you don't have to, you can just listen.The meetings are free, though sometimes they pass the hat for donations to defray rental expenses for the room. You are not usually expected to donate at your 1st meeting. There are meetings all over the world. And you can usually find a meeting in your area several times a week. Look in your telephone book for Al-Anon and ask them when and where the meetings are. You can also talk to the person on the phone, remember ,it's all anonymous. If you can't find Al-Anon call Alcoholics Anonymous and ask them for Al-Anon information.
I suggest you attend different meetings, even if the 1st one 'feels right'. Each meeting has it's own atmosphere. Attend the meeting with your girlfriend, or if she won't go, attend one by yourself and afterwards tell her all about the meeting (keeping the anonymity of those that attended).
Although Al-Anon is not therapy, it is a therapeutic environment and thus, in my opinion, a baby step introduction to what the world of therapy is all about. The meetings may be all she needs or at least they may help her see she needs more help.
Meanwhile, remember you can not 'save' her. She can only save herself. It is too much responsibility for you to carry this all by yourself. It doesn't just take a village to raise a child. We all need "support systems" not just "a support".
Be there for her and listen. Men often try to "fix" things, when often what a woman wants is just someone to "hear" them, to listen. Ask her what she wants from you.
Good luck. I will be thinking of you.
2006-11-15 19:03:01 · answer #2 · answered by fbbfh 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i have been going through the same problems as your girlfriend so i understand where she is coming from. She needs someone or something to talk to. you have to let her know that you love her and that you are not going to leave her. do something spontaneous like buy her some flowers or chocalate i know that sounds corny but it will let her know that you are thinking about her when you are not with her and that you love her. DON"T judge her. it may seem like she is just whining or being overly dramatic but let her be. that is how she express herself.
Get her a diary or a big stuffed animal. in the diary she can write down everything that she thinks is going wrong in her life and get some relief that a way. With the stuffed animal she can tell it everything that she is scared to tell someone else and not have to worry about the stuffed animal telling anyone.
Just be patient with her and be there when she needs you.
2006-11-16 06:40:04 · answer #3 · answered by Pamela P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be a good friend to her, and a good lover. Make sure she knows that your always there for her. She could be depressed due to school, family, or other general problems. I know this is tough, but if you had to, reccommend a Phychiatrist for her. Im sure shes a great person when shes not depressed just be kind and let God decide the rest. Pray for her and i will as well.
2006-11-15 13:40:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
She has to know you are there for her. Build her confidence in that trust. As you build this trust, watch to see how she progresses towards a more positive light. Once you see her strengthen start to encourage her to speak with someone.
This person could be the school counselour, a relative or perhaps a neighbour she has great confidence with, maybe clergy...someone who is outside of her circle that can give her an unbiased perspective.
Best of Luck!!
2006-11-15 13:40:04 · answer #5 · answered by Jerzey Daze 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't leave her alone!! You need to tell someone else what is going on-her parents, your parents, school counselor, teacher whoever you can trust to help you. I have been there and if I hadn't gotten people around me to help me through the rough times I am sure I wouldn't be here to day. Love her and help her get the help that she needs. It may be a long road, but it is worth it if you keep at it.
2006-11-15 13:46:24 · answer #6 · answered by Jen C 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
By asking you not to say anything she is putting a big burden on you. I would encourage her to talk to someone about getting some help and tell her that you cannot keep a secret that could potentially hurt her because you love her.
2006-11-15 13:41:08 · answer #7 · answered by Daisy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a serious thing, depression. Is her family life the pits?? What can you do to try and bring her out of it? If her family life at home (if she lives at home) is a bad situation, she might be old enough to move somewhere else where she might be happier. Try to find out what it is that is making her so down. There has to be a reason. Try going to church????
2006-11-15 13:38:35 · answer #8 · answered by LARGE MARGE 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sixteen and my boyfriend is seventeen and he just listens to me ( I have severe depression, I have been in a psych ward, and am still being treated), he reminds me that I am a beautifull intelligent girl, and he reminds me how much he loves me. When it was really bad he told my parents(I overdosed one time) and they were able to get me real help. I hated him at the time, but now I realize that he was just trying to save my life because he cared about me and he loves me. Be supportive, listen to her, and if things get too bad, like she feels like hurting herself or someone else seriously get help.ie. tell her parents....
You can be one of her biggest support systems. Be there for her.
2006-11-15 14:35:18 · answer #9 · answered by Kayla B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have her talk to a therapist at your local mental health clinic.
They keep talks confidential. Won't tell parents unless
she says it's okay. She needs to find out why she is depressed and then talk to someone professional.
Perhaps if she volunteered some of her time with a
local charity her outlook might pick up.
2006-11-15 13:47:01 · answer #10 · answered by Precious Gem 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She is suffering from depression and she needs to get help. Without treatment, depression gets worse. Tell her that she has to talk to her parents or you will have to do it. You could save her life.
2006-11-15 13:45:05 · answer #11 · answered by notyou311 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋