How do I change 18 month old boys sleeping pattern?

Question

Little bit of background: My wife is Thai and I am Australian. It is very common in Thai culture for children to sleep in the same bed as their parents right up until the teenage years. My wife was brought up this way as was all of her brothers, cousins and friends - I have to emphasise that this is normal.

To date our 18 month old boy sleeps in our bed. He is a dream of a child - very well behaved and sleeps soundly through the night. He says about 6 words but understands alot more - both English and Thai.

Should I challenge this peaceful existence by pushing fo rhim to sleep in his own bed?? Remember it is not only his behaviour but also that of my wife that will be challenged.

Also, he drinks milk from a bottle before sleep and he has one again at about 5.30 in the morning when he tends to wake - this dozes him back to sleep again. I didnt realise this would damage his teeth - is weaning him from the bottle and bed together too much??

Thanks for your help.

Andy

Answer 1

I think the most important consideration here is that you and your wife need to come to an understanding about your son's sleeping arrangement. Clearly, it wouldn't be fair to him to introduce the idea of sleeping in his own bed, if your wife would be distressed by it. Children pick up very easily on their parents' emotions.
You need to find a compromise which make you both feel comfortable - for example, you might try setting a target age of having him sleep in his own bedroom and then have a period of transition for all of you to accomplish this goal gently and calmly. You might think of the age between 2 and 3 as transitioning to independent sleep, so that by age 3 he is sleeping comfortably in his own bed. Hopefully, by making a plan with your wife, it makes it easier for all of you to adjust.
If you do decide that making this transition will be the right choice for your family, begin talking to your son about it now, by explaining to him how when he's a little older, he'll have his own bed to sleep, and how much fun that will be, because he'll be a big boy then. Another idea that can be helpful for an eventual transition is to encourage him to have a little cuddly friend with him when he does sleep, so that when he does finally start sleeping in his bed, he still has the same cuddly friend with him. You might want to read some books together which show children modeling positive bedtime behavior, such as sleeping peacefully in their own beds.
There is a very helpful book, listed below, which give many concrete ideas in helping a toddler and preschooler with this very transition. It is also remarkably respectful of the child's perspective, focusing on taking them step by step, as they become ready for each step. I think it will be particularly reassuring for your wife, for her to see that this transition can take place in a very loving, gentle manner.
As far as the baby bottle, I do think it would probably be too much for your little guy to work on weaning and transitioning from the family bed. If you choose to give him a bottle a little longer, make sure you don't let him fall asleep with it. You should also try brushing his teeth after his nighttime bottle, and then focus on getting sleepy with a soothing bedtime routine of stories, singing, and cuddling. Since he's 18 months old, he probably doesn't "need" the 5:30 a.m. feeding - you might try slowly phasing it out, by diluting the milk so that eventually you're offering him a bottle of water, which he'll probably find easier to give up. Make sure you substitute any weaning with lots of extra cuddling, so he still feels your presence and love.
One final point is to remember not to feel pressured by society into making a change that is not really necessary for your family. If sleeping in the family bed is working well for all of you - for your son, it seems to be, since he sleeps soundly and has a good disposition during the day - there is no rush in getting him to sleep in his own bed. There are countless families who have raised well-adjusted children, who spent their early years sleeping with their parents. It can give children a wonderful sense of security and comfort.
Good luck!

Answer 2

if he's sleeping during the day and staying up at night then wake him up after 4 hours of sleep when he does fall asleep and keep him up until 8 pm. Then give him a glass of warm milk.

lil girl he's only 1 year and a half old. don't give them a BED until they're 4, they need their own room at 2.

Answer 3

Buy a crib. Put in in your room. When he crys out in the night progressively lenghten the time before you'll go to him. Eventually he'll sleep the whole night and your wife will not feel that he is being abandoned.

Answer 4

I have raised 4 children of my own, + several others. He needs to be in his own bed and get rid of the bottle, he is to old for it. This will not be easy though, so good luck to you.