Every night when my partner gets home from work and is sitting down having dinner,our really starts acting up,jumping all over him and kicking his dinner etc!!
I kno it doesnt sound like such a big deal but it`s really putting a massive strain on our relationship as he starts getting annoyed and my son seems to enjoy it even more and eventually all hell breaks loose and me and my partner end up arguing or not speaking to each other.
We split up a while back and have been back together for 3 months,our son is 4 and has slight learning difficulties so cant speak,he also seems to get a bit annoyed when me and his dad sit together and cuddle,we do give him plenty of attention though but do you think this could be his way of getting back at us for splitting up,answers appreciated,thanx.
2006-11-15 11:16:21 · 20 answers · asked by onlyme 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Without having the chance to observe, it is hard to say exactly what is triggering the behavior, but here are a few ideas:
Does your partner get home just before dinner time? If the first thing he does is sit down to dinner, without giving his son attention, then he is not meeting his child's needs. His son missed him all day! He wants to be with him! This is how he is showing him that he missed him and wants his attention. Have your partner spend at least 10 minutes with your son when he gets home. Put all his stuff down, and spend just a few devoted minutes playing with him, asking him about his day, and just paying undivided attention to him. If your partner does this as soon as he gets home, your son won't feel like he has to fight dad for his attention. You won't believe what a difference it will make for your son to feel like he's had dad's undivided attention... then he will be able to leave him alone long enough to eat. Of course your son gets jealous when you and your partner hug, etc. You are HIS mommy, and he is HIS daddy. As far as he is concerned, you each belong to him, and you have to remind him that you all share each other. If your son still thinks he has to be in the middle when dad is eating, find something for him to do in another room (you could give him his bath at this time, or have him help lay out his clothes for the next day, help you put dishes in the dishwasher, etc).
2006-11-15 11:28:20 · answer #1 · answered by dolphin mama 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your son wants his father's attention. Does he eat as soon as he gets in from work? Would it work to eat together as a couple after your son goes to bed (he's only 4 so should not be too late) then you can enjoy some quality time together?
Ideally then your partner and son could have some playtime together when your partner gets home which would be good for all three of you.
I don't think your son is trying to punish you, but he may be insecure and want to know you are both there and care about him. He will feel a bit neglected if you are cuddling each other and not him. As he gets older he will need to learn that there are times when other people come first, but he will learn this more easily from a position where he feels secure that you both love him.
Good luck
2006-11-15 19:35:36 · answer #2 · answered by Bridget F 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel sorry for you I cant believe he's getting annoyed at this, your son, it sounds like he's just really happy to see his dad and the only way he can communicate this is by being all over him and being really excited that he is home and gets to spend time with him, it could be that it starts off by your son being really cuddly/clingy (holding or pulling trouser legs) and when he doesn't get any reaction apart from a negative one from his dad, then he has learnt that the only way to get a reaction from dad is to start climbing all over him. what I suggest is that the dad sets aside time to play with him when he gets back from work and time to sit down after dinner and either sit quietly having cuddles and a last drink for your son before he goes to bed or a bit of play a calm time then bed.update the question if i can either help more or got it totally wrong in your eyes
2006-11-15 19:30:02 · answer #3 · answered by zerocool 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you might all three need to find a good counsellor. Try Relate - they might be able to arrange something. Do you have family cuddles? Try doing that next time he starts acting out.
It is very important to make a pact between you and your partner. Talk about it at a time when your child is not around, and when you feel content with each other. No matter what the child does, you still behave toward each other and your child with love and affection. Having a learning difficulty, however slight, can cause big emotional problems, and I would imagine not being able to speak would be enormously exasperating.
Between you and your partner, you can try to make your home life as consistent as possible. Demonstrate love between yourselves and your child. Have a plan worked out for when your child starts to act out, and stick to it.
Good luck.
2006-11-15 19:39:19 · answer #4 · answered by Delora Gloria 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's gotten used to just you and him. Now he thinks that you sort of "belong" to him. I know it sounds weird, but a friend of mine went through the same thing, her son flipped out and she totally lost control of him, this may seem extreme to tell you this, but he eventually thought that he had a say in everything and that he was in control. It's a classic syndrom, there's even an old book about how a greek god (or something like that ) was jelious of his father so he killed him and married his mother. I would nip this in the but as soon as possible, psyciatrist are always helpful, you don't have to be crazy to see one either, lol. Family counseling is what i suggest. Wish you the best!
2006-11-15 19:46:04 · answer #5 · answered by Rhiannon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like separation anxiety to me - he does not want his father to leave him again but he does not yet have the communication skills to tell him this.
I think he needs to be properly assessed by a psychologist as this behaviour cannot go on. He needs to be helped to make himself understood. In any ease, he is not intentionally trying to 'get back' at you - that is an adult perspective and he is only a child, who is still living by instinct.
And MY instinct, as a mother, would be to ignore him entirely when he does this - he will soon get the message that no one is going anywhere and he will also realise that this kind of behaviour reaps no rewards.
2006-11-15 20:31:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he's looking for his attention and since he can't speak, he doesn't know how to get it the right way, I have a son with autism and he is 5 and non verbal, when he's looking for attention he pinches.
my other son is 3 and he act this way with dad when he doesn't see him all day, when it's quiet and dad is doing something or just relaxing he comes and jumps on him or hits him, we know it's about attention.
I don't think it's his way of getting back at you for splitting, maybe instead of fighting with your man when he acts up go cuddle with him, and don't give your son the response he wants since he enjoys when you fight.
2006-11-15 19:36:31 · answer #7 · answered by Nicole 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that your child migh nead some extra cudels during the day. Dont think for one moment though that you and your otherhalf neads time together I have herd that having like 45 min during the day. Do somthing speacel 1 a week for the kid like take him ice scating or to the movies for a walk somthing. Not only that have one and one time with the child. Like for the wick have 45 min alone with him, as well as his dad. It will help.
2006-11-15 20:09:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is perfectly normal. Maybe he wants some attention from his father. It sounds like he spends his days with you and gets attention from you during the day. He just wants some attention from his father too.
2006-11-15 19:26:11 · answer #9 · answered by DeAnna 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
kids go through various stages......my 3 year old has had no problem sleeping on her own for the past year or so,yet last week has had (sick fits) crying an trying to make herself sick because she doesn't want to go to sleep anymore!! we are still going through this stage (as we speak!!) but i have assured my self that if tackled calmly we can get through this slightly unusual situation...................
moral: tackle each situation individualy....their are no answers,just sollutions.
never,never,loose your temper!!! kids ain't stupid!! they WILL play on a reaction!!
take your son to a quiet corner (room) and ask him......why?
your son can "tell you" he may have slight learning difficulties but i can assure you he is not "stupid" and knows right from wrong.
never loose your temper........always keep calm.
sounds difficult and it is difficult,however heed the warning!
2006-11-15 19:28:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋