My 13yr old son hates when my husband and I cuddle!What should I do?

Question

My husband and I are still very affectionate with eachother after 15 yr of marriage. My teenager of course thinks its "uhhhh".
AS a kind of right of passage he has recently had his bedtime extended to 9.15. We all get up early so my husband and I usually turn in at around 10.30.
My son won't allow us even sit together on the suite while he is in the room. Originally we cooled off I mean all we do his have a little kiss and a hug occasionally and we cosy up beside eachother,nothing major.
My husband didn't like him calling the shots so told him he could go to his room if he likes as he is not allowed watch t.v in another room at that time of night.
He would go to his room and thencome back down,making things very awkward. We have now puched his bedtime back to eight thirty and he goes to bed at the same time as his12yr old sister.
He is naturally upset about this so do you have any other suggestions?Please help restore my relationship with my little guy.

Answer 1

First off, he is no longer your "little guy" (do you not remember being 13 and your mom still thinking and treating you as though you were still . . you know - 12!!??!!) And I agree with your husband, your son should not be allowed to "call the shots" concerning what you and your husband can and cannot do within the privacy of your own house. You are the boss, unless of course your son pays the mortgage, utilities and taxes. I believe you are to be commended for practicing scheduled bedtimes (most parents these days think the child should decide!!) but I am confused as to why you pushed your son's bedtime back to 8:30pm?? For what is he being punished for?? You stated that "as a kind of rite of passage" it had been extended to 9:15pm - and then you turn around and push it back to 8:30pm? What exactly did he do wrong?? Being uncomfortable with his parents displays of affection is not a crime, although I do believe that the situation does merit further investigation, but to be punished for it??? Have either you and/or your husband sat down and straight up asked your son what exactly it is that makes him so uncomfortable and why???? At this age, an open line of communication is extremely important although extremely difficult to establish and maintain. Children these days are immersed in a sexual society, pressured to declare their sexuality and are being exposed to sexual environments that you and I never even dreamed of, but that doesn't necessarily mean they are mature enough to deal with all the information (or mis-information). It sounds like he is experiencing serious conflicting emotions and feels like the whole world is throwing sex, sex, sex at him continuously and maybe he just wants to feel secure knowing that at least at home he will get some kind of break from all the bombardment of sex the real world is throwing at him. That maybe at home - things are calm and normal. I strongly suggest a conversation and if for some reason, that it not successful, try finding someone or someplace he can go and talk about what is troubling him. And please - give him back his bed time - unless he is acting like a 12 yr old he doesn't deserve to be treated like one!!! Good Luck

Answer 2

Well, u just have to explain to him -he is 13- that it is natural for parents that are together to love eachother. Just bring down the "snuggle" level when u r around him. Also, if he is 13, dont have his bedtime at 8:30. My son is 12 and his bed time is 9:30 and he functoins perfectly well. Children who are teenagers or approaching that time Should be given later bedtimes. My son complained to me about his bedtime saying all his friends have later bedtimes then him. Its just simple peer preasure. Also, just do something nice to him. Your his mom, you should know what he likes, right?

Answer 3

Hey your roof, your rules. YOU CAN'T SIT TOGETHER???
come on. Keep doing what your doing, you are keeping your relationship strong, that's more important then your son trying to control you guys. Your husband is right, he has a room he can retreat to if he doesn't like it. It's not like your making out like teens in front of him, in that case I would say save it for the bedroom.

Answer 4

Talk to your son about why it bothers him. Most teenagers are "grossed out" by the thought that their parents have sex, and if you are kissing a little too intimately in front of him, it might very well make him uncomfortable. Please don't continue punishing him for his feelings without trying to discuss the problem with him first.

I'd never make out in front of my kids, and I wouldn't want them to make out in front of me. Sitting together closely and showing affection is no big deal, but intimacy between parents should be kept private.

Answer 5

For crying out loud!!! Why should you have to justify yourself to HIM???!!! You've created some mess by allowing this kid to shoot off his mouth about that. I feel sorry for you when he gets older and you can't make him go to school, work, or whatever.

Best let your husband get tough with him now, before it's too late. Your little guy is turning into a monster.

I♥♫→mia☼☺†

Answer 6

I have five children, two of them are step-children. ALL of them get squeamish even when we show affection. We tell all of them it's natural for married people to show affection, you should worry if we don't show affection. AND, since I am the parent and you are my child, I make the rules, I will continue to show affection. YOU, TOO, will behave this way when you have your own family and your children will say "OH GROSS!" My folks have been married for 45 years and it tickles me when they hug and kiss....I used to say EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. Kids will get used to it. Keep up the good parenting!

Answer 7

You and your husband need to cuddle so the 13 year old can get over his mother fixation. It is a natural process.

Answer 8

He is 13, you are the adult..... You make the rules... And if you and your hubby still have that kinda marriage after 15 years you should do what you can to keep it..... if that means upsetting him... Maybe he will understand it someday..

Answer 9

Do not stop what you are doing because you are teaching him something valuable. It is obviously making him uncomfortable as he is facing his sexuality and going through puberty. Ask him if he would rather have divorced parents that hate eachother. You and your husband will have to ignore him and let time pass.

Answer 10

As a former kid, i can tell you that we find the fact that our parents may even think of that kind of stuff (and you know what i mean by stuff) as highly gross...it sends chills up our spine and embarasses us...so please stop..it makes us feel uncomfortable.