Someone offended me today and I was wondering if it was right the way I retaliated?

Question

OK, so I was eating lunch in my university dining hall today, and while I was eating, a girl at a nearby table shouted randomly, "Holy sh*t!" (just due to a conversation), two times in a row. I don't find it polite at all when someone curses loudly in public, so I decided to retaliate by turning around, giving her the finger and mouthing "**** you!" to her several times. Although she didn't do or say anything to me, I'm pretty sure she saw me; I mean, I HOPE she saw me because she deserved it. It disrupted my meal and stuff. Having said that, I can't help but wonder if what I did was "wrong" or if I overreacted a bit? That's certainly not the first time I've heard someone curse in public, but I today I just happened to be in the mood to retaliate. I'll admit I do have an anger problem, so that plays a big role. But still, was I overreacting? I'm not sure how I should feel about it.

Answer 1

Yes, you overreacted, and your response was childish - might as well run over and dump your food on her head.
If someone offends you, don't assume that they will just magically realize this. (and how is your swearing and vulgar gesture any more polite than her swearing? two wrongs don't make a right!)

What you should have done is gone over to her and politely said, "Pardon me, but would you please refrain from swearing so loudly? It is disturbing other people. Thank you."

Also, part of your anger problems stems form the fact that you perceive this act as an attack on you, something you need to "retaliate" for. You need to remind yourself that people do not do these things to piss you off, it is nothing personal against you. They are simply absorbed in their own lives and actions - they are thinkig about themselves, not you... just like you.
Please consider anger managment therapy, and try to let other people's rudeness be your inspiration to be more polite, not less.

Answer 2

If you were a physician and a troubled person acted out in such a way, you would not be helpful to that unbalanced person by acting out yourself. You would assume a calming demeanor and be a lifeline to that person back to a place of balance. You never know what people are going through. Once, I held an old man as he sobbed his heart out when his wife of sixty years passed away. Later that day, I got caught in sixteen lanes of insanity on highways. I was in a hurry and the road was filled with morons. Someone cut me off as though she or he hadn't a clue about anyone else on the road. I got mad. I roared past the offending driver and flipped a vicious bird at him. Thank goodness he didn't notice. It was that same poor little old guy whose wife had died earlier in the day. He was driving to the airport in a state of shock to pick up family for the funeral.

Answer 3

I don't think you handled the situation very well. It may have made you feel better; but first of all, you just added to the issue becuase how many people may have seen you giving her the finger. Secondly, she probably had no clue what you were doing. If you don't like profane language then you shouldn't also use it. If it bothered you that much you might have nicely walked over to her and politely ask that she lower her voice and if she could possibly not use that type of language in the lunch room.

Answer 4

Ok, this is my take only. I don't think you over-reacted, so much as put yourself in danger. Unless you know the people you're with, it's best to keep a lid on that sort of reaction. In some places it can get you shot, in others, beat up. People today do not recognize consequences of their actions, so they wouldn't mind kicking your hind and then being surprised when arrested. All that said, I'd have felt like you did, and quite probably, when your age, would have reacted the same way. It's only since I've gotten older, that I've gotten more cautious, and of course, all the random shootings and crime you hear about doesn't help!

Answer 5

OK so she was wrong for being so loud in a public place, but you weren't involved in her conversation, and your response to her only made you look foolish and immature. Maybe you do have an anger problem and should look into anger management. If it was just a bad day and you're feling bad, maybe you should find this other woman and apologize.

Answer 6

I have to say I'm proud of you for feeling you did overreact. That means you're a good person. I can't say for sure... I'm no saint and sometimes really go overboard, too. I think that if you Mouthed the words, however, that's alright. Besides, she didn't say anything to you, water under the bridge. Now you have an experience to relate to if/when this sort of opportunity arises in the future. :)

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Answer 7

Hmmm kinda like ppl thinking that the way to teach their kids not to hit is to smack the **it out of them. No cursing at someone for cursing in public wasn't the best way to handle it. Grow up if you are in college cursing shouldn't be such a problem since you obviously have no problem doing it yourself.

Answer 8

Learn to mind your own business. If you don't like cursing in public don't do it. It's not your responsibility to police everyone else's mouth and punish them if they disobey your invisible arbitrary rules. The problem is that you're a controlling personality and you use criticism to reduce others to manageable, fearful levels so that you can manipulate them into giving you attention and/or love. You're just lonely and holding on way too tight.

Answer 9

yeah, i'd say that was overreacting. lol. the best way to tackle a situation like that would probably be to go over and ask her politely if she would mind keeping her voice down. but, hey we're all human right? don't sweat it.

Answer 10

Yes, you over-reacted. However, your in a place where over-reaction is the norm and your living in your emotional mind because you claim to have anger problems. Its not the mind to be in for learning. Get out of it by ignoring or forgiving any and all perceived insults.