childs mother in jail?

Question

I have custody of my daughter, and this weekend shes suppose to have visitation with her mother. yesterday her mother was arrested for fraud and forgery, with bond set a one hundred thousand dollars, therfor. my daughter isnt going to be able to see her mom this weekend, shes kindof aware of what she did, but i dont know what i should do to explain why shes not going to be able to go to her house this weekend, should i tell her the truth, or should i make up some kind of excuse?....i dont like to lie to my daughter

sorry about leaving out the age, she turned 10 this past oct.

Answer 1

Tell her the truth. It won't be as hard on her as you think it will. Be sure to tell her that mommy is perfectly safe.
It'll be harder on the mom for the little girl to know where she is then the daughter.
Mommy is in jail for fraud and forgery = lying
Don't lie to cover the moms lie.
This seems like a great way to teach your daughter about the consciences of lying!
Good luck!

Answer 2

I really depends how old she is - and how long the Mom is going to be in jail. If she's old enough to understand that Mom made a mistake - and if Mom is going to be there for awhile - I'd explain to her what happened. DON'T badmouth her Mom. Just say that we all make mistakes - and Mom made one. I know her Mom seems like a big mess right now (and maybe she always has been) - but you only get one Mom - and it will be your daughter's decision as to whether or not she wants a relationship with her in years to come.

You're right - you shouldn't lie to her. If the Mom is not going to be there long - and your daughter is young enough to be distracted by other activities and such - you can just be vague and say "Mom can't make it this week-end - I'm not sure why - you'll have to ask Mom when you see her." It's not really a lie.

If it turns out that your daughter and her Mom end up having a relationship while her Mom is in jail - there's a great book that might make your daughter a little more comfortable - it's called "Mama Loves Me From Away" - and I read it last year as part of an Early Childhood Development school project. And I sobbed.

Good luck to you! Thank goodness your daughter has a concerned parent like you for a Dad!

Answer 3

It really depends on her age. When my daughter was 3 her dad went to jail for assaulting someone, I didn't think she would understand the whole story, so I told her "your daddy went to jail because he made a bad decision. That doesn't mean he doesn't love you, he just has to take a big person time out."

When she was 7 and her dad was getting out of jail she was obviously a bit older and able to handle a little more info, however, I really don't think it is appropriate to spill ALL the details to your child.

Again, it depends on the age, but I've always found (at least in this situation) it to be a little easier for her to deal with if she knows even a portion of the truth behind why she cant see her dad. Besides, if you lie to her, she might think her mom chose to do something else rather than see her, when that isn't the case at all.

My answer I guess is, you don't have to divulge every detail, but she should know whats going on, especially if her mom might be there for a while.

Good Luck! Can e-mail w/ more questions if you'd like. Hope this helps

Answer 4

i don't lie to my children either. Depending on her age (8 or above) she should be able to understand what jail is. She will need to know in the beginning, cause I am assuming that mommy is going to "go away" for some time! Then I would leave it up to the daughter if she wants to go and visit mommy in jail! Children these days are not stupid by any means and deserve to know what life is all about insead of stories like our parents told us!

Answer 5

Depending on the age of your daughter, just give her enough information so she understands that her mother didn't run out on her, but it may be some time before she can see her again. She doesn't need all the details.

Answer 6

It is so hard, but I think it all depends on her age... If sh eis too little to understand just tell her that mom had to go on a trip that migth take log to come back and maybe they can have communication by phone just talk to her her mom ans explain the situation then when she is old enough to understand explain the truth it migth be hard but you are doing this for her own good ...Good luck and best wishes!!!

Answer 7

depends on how old she is. if shes old enough to comprehend it all i say tell her the truth. but without your opinions. if shes still pretty little explaining it to her will most likely do nothing but stress her out. good luck. this is totally a judgement call. have you asked her mother what her thoughts are on this? you dont want to tell your daughter something and then have her mother telling her something different.

Answer 8

It depends on her age big time....but in the majority of cases,lies lead to big web of deceit becareful she is bound to find out the truth at some stage and then you will become the bad guy.

Answer 9

that depends, I dont know hotw old your daughter is, but if she is little and she wouldnt understand, I would just make up something. But if she is old enough to understand I would tell her the truth. hope this helps.

Answer 10

Just tell her that her mom isn't home this weekend and it may be awhile until she is able to see her again. You don't say how old your child is, but there really isn't any reason to know that their parent is a criminal unless they are old enough to understand (like a teenager).