After many years after divorce, I have met some one very special. Her body language is positive most of the time and we can kiss and cuddle. But I want more. I want to marry her and have her for my soul mate.
She has had had bad problems with men in the past and withdraws when I become serious with her. How can I make he understand that I am in love with her.
For those of you who wish to answer as if we were a couple of youngsters enjoying the midnight moon, I would add that she is 62 and I am 64.
2006-11-15 09:23:23 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You cannot force trust. This is an issue of trusting one another. The more you push, the more she pulls. Better to just be you and be the way you truly are. If she comes around and cottons to that kind of honesty, then good for both of you. If she continues to have qualms about someone who is honest and trustworthy, those issues are better helped by her actions, not yours. Just be kind and steady and send out a good feeling of love in her general direction and she may eventually relax once again. I once invited a small cat into my back hall and she kept coming closer and closer and then she made eye contact with me and what she saw there enabled her to cross the threshold and enter my home. She has been with me ever since and I have never betrayed that trust. You are the same way, except you are with a person, not a little cat who was stuck out in an ice storm last March.
2006-11-15 09:35:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi.
What a lovely question - congratulations on having found someone you clearly love.
First of all, as you say she 'withdraws' when you become serious with her, then you will have to hold back a little. You give no idea of how long you have known each other so I don't know if you are rushing her! The age is fairly immaterial (it's my age grpup[!). Getting older does not mean you have to go at everything twice as fast - the opposite should apply. Remember, women who have been hurt by men in their past are often (naturally) suspicious that men just want sex, so holding back is not surprising.
The importance shouldn't be that she understands that you are in love with her (I'm presuming you have told her that), what you really want to know is if she is in love with you - but she should only tell you she does if she feels it - not because you want her to.
Less is more - be gentle, be patient, be undemanding - the best things are worth waiting for.
I wish you well - and hope it works out for you both.
Good luck.
x
2006-11-15 17:38:35 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Women who have been hurt in the past tend to avoid rushing into something serious but that does not stop our emotions from working! She probably knows how you feel about her but sometimes we only have an inkling and don't really know how men feel - have you told her how you feel?
Take it easy with her - develop that friendship bond. If you love her as much as you say you do then you would be prepared to wait for her!
Your age does not really make that much of a difference - the heart stirs the same way at any age!
I am actually really glad you posted your message because people tend to assume that once you hit 50 you are really past everything and that is just not true!
I wish you both the very best and I just want you to remember that:
Love is patient and always kind, it's selfless - so be patient with her and kind enough to know it might take a really long time for her to open up totally to you.
Don't be discouraged. As far as making her understand how you feel - you can only show her how you feel by continuing to love her!
Xx
2006-11-15 17:36:29 · answer #3 · answered by honeyed_dimples 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
AHAHAHHAA... *busts up laughing* I'm very sorry, but honestly, that last line just got me dying. Okay, I'll be serious now! I know a few people like that, and basically, what I do (even though this has only been with my friends, not a boyfriend I felt serious about) is I refuse to let go. You just need to prove to her that you're different, that you're not one of the men she's been with in the past, and that you're willing to be with her, through the ups and downs. I don't know how long you have been together, but maybe what she needs is time. I know that sounds kind of, bad, but I mean, if a person lets it (<--key phrase), time heals everything. I don't know the details of her experiences with men, but if you know, then point out how you're different, and see if it sinks in. If not, try, try again, right? Good luck! :D
2006-11-15 17:31:25 · answer #4 · answered by High On Life 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think a person like her will take some time to get herself comfortable with someone new. As you may know, many women are especially sensitive to mistreatment, and she is simply being cautious. It is nothing personal against you. Furthermore, it will be her who will have to realize your love. You can show it all you want to her, but if she's being cautious, she will take her time. Perhaps if you do little things every day that are subtle... maybe leave a love note in an unexpected place, a flower when you see her, the simple things. Over time, she will adjust her feelings accordingly and realize your love for her.
All the best!
2006-11-15 17:31:00 · answer #5 · answered by mysticaura29 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How wonderful for you both that you found each other! Just love her-tell her that you want to spend the rest of your life with her,you truly love her,and her happiness means everything to you. As she's had a bad time in the past,it will take her some time to let her guard down and fully trust again-but be patient and loving-she will get there.
2006-11-16 04:41:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is lovely that you have found somebody special, however I would say to you one step at a time. You need to be patient and go at a pace that you are both comfortable with. She can still be your soul mate but that doesn't mean you have to get married. I am sure that if the feelings are reciprocated they marriage can be looked at later on. I wish you both well.
2006-11-15 17:32:10 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, i dont know much about love and stuff, im just 18 but.. she should know u love her, i mean no offense but with 64 and 62 years you should be mature enough to actually have a relationship with a lot of emotions in it... she should understand ur not a kid anymore and before u ask her you must tell her what you feel... and then after a while aske her to marry you...
2006-11-15 18:02:53 · answer #8 · answered by gaby f 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi u said her body language was positive most of the time, right?
Then that means shes not really ready for that type of commitment. So slow it down pops and let the body language speak a little louder and you listen to what it's telling you.
2006-11-15 17:43:54 · answer #9 · answered by Older Broad 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think its a really sweet sight when you see the older ganeration hand in hand and in love. I think what you should do is sit her down mayb take her out for a meal and reasure her that she means the world to you. Look her in the eyes and tell her you love her dearly and would never do anything to hurt her and that you would be lost without her in your life. You need to be 100% honest with her and if she still doesnt beleive you as harsh as it sounds I would go get someone to spend the rest of your life will that will allow you to love them x
2006-11-15 17:44:09 · answer #10 · answered by Pet 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋