I have a son, 18 years old, studying Media (his chosen subject) in College. Lately, I have received bad reports from his tutors about his performances. He is not doing his work and assignments and hardly does the minimum of what he is asked to do.
He might even drop this year. :(
I am very concerned and I would do anything to make him understand that studying in early years is his gain on medium to long terms.
He lacks interest in all he does (eg house work); all he enjoys is the company of his friends (that he brings home daily) and going out drinking.
Please help with real practical advice.
2006-11-15 08:08:56 · 14 answers · asked by Me me me 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Just say, Hey your a big boy now if you don't want to go to school, cool, now get your a** out of the house and support your own lifestyle.
2006-11-15 08:16:05 · answer #1 · answered by mharrop@sbcglobal.net 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I do most things my parents ask of me, and this has continued into adulthood, I worked out early on that this is to my advantage, because I would prefer not to have that many regrets. If his friends are a bad influence then you have a problem on your hands. The first thing is to talk to him, treat it like a fact finding mission, you'll understand his personality better then anyone else and hence how far to go when persuading him to choose college. Maybe take him on a trip to some of the best universities, some have open days, or just days for tourists to wonder around, allow him to see that academia is something quite rewarding and of quality. At 18 he should be thinking about qualifications and awards, prizes and professional qualifications, it gives him something to aim for rather than listening to what his friends are doing or want him to do.
2006-11-16 04:47:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately it is impossible to make him want t do it, you ust need to be there for him if he needs you. My Mum tried pushing me into college and it had the opposite effect, I quit and now, at 26 have gone back to university and am doing a degree. I do wish I had done it at 18 but, much like your son, I was too interested in doing what I wanted to do. I must say though, that I did do a different kind of work based training so did qualify at something, just not academically. I hope he realises before it's too late that he's best to do it at 18. Good luck.
2006-11-15 16:15:23 · answer #3 · answered by the woo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's a certain amount of chronology that has to happen. Professionals used to believe that the human brain was fully developed at a pretty young age but recent research has shown that particularly the frontal lobe (which is responsible for impulse control and empathy) is not fully developed until early 20's. So, we have given full responsibility and rights to "kids" who are NOT ready for them. That is a terrifying thought - here are all these kids out there who are supposed to be "adults" and their brains are not even fully formed. Hang in there - he'll probably come to his senses fairly soon. In the meantime, keep reminding him that he's in the real world now and has responsiblity for his choices.
2006-11-15 16:19:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs to take a break from school and then change majors, bc it sounds like this one isn't doing it for him.
Taking too long a break ensures he won't go back; luckily he's got Christmas vacation coming up, so he doesn't have to take a semester off or anything. Find out if it's too late to change majors and start over next semester.
2006-11-15 17:32:24 · answer #5 · answered by chelleedub 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him if he doesn't shape up, you aren't paying for anything. If he stays in college, he can live at home (which it sounds like he is doing). Otherwise, he better find a job and move out and support himself.
Sometimes tough love is the best love to get...remind him that if he isn't a full-time college student, he'll need to start covering his own health insurance in a few years.
2006-11-15 16:15:52 · answer #6 · answered by kiddo 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Let him go out and get a job and pay his own way for a while. One of the things that got me motivated about college was working in a factory for a summer and realizing that I didn't want to be stuck doing that my whole life.
2006-11-15 17:31:50 · answer #7 · answered by DGS 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kick him out. I know this seems harsh but he's basically living off of you. This will teach him that he can't just do whatever he wants with no consiquinces. My brother is the same way but my father is so worried about losing him that he just lets him live in his house and do whatever he wants, no job, no school, no nothing. Your son needs to learn responsibility and that things don't just fall into your lap. It's a hard lesson to learn but it's what we need to know to make it in this life. Best of luck.
2006-11-15 20:04:50 · answer #8 · answered by Rhiannon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a hard approach, just let him feel the results of his actions. agree on when he will move out and get a job. once he is on his own he will be able to choose what to do, go to college or continue hanging out with friends. if he shows that he wants to go to college and do well reward him in a small way but if he continues to hang out with his friends don't be mean, just set boundaries so that he can see the results of his actions
2006-11-15 16:19:30 · answer #9 · answered by dt 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really don't think there is much you can do, he is a typical teenager lad who enjoys the booze and company of mates!! but good luck anyways!
2006-11-15 16:17:46 · answer #10 · answered by red devil 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋