My 32 year old single daughter who is a hard working Manager who rings ahead to ask me to make her dinner?

Question

My 32 year old daughter who is single and who works very very hard and is a sucessful Manager of a small firm gets home every evening at 7.00pm - She rings ahead (about 6.00pm) and asks me to fix her something to eat as she is hungry by the time she gets the sub-way home. She gives me about 300 dollars every month for rent and gas etc. I have to make dinner at 5.30pm for my partner who is also hungry coming home from work. My daughter doesn't like micro-waved food or re-heated food. She is a good daughter but I am tired after sitting my other daughters two children every day. What do you think I should say to my daughter - Is it reasonable to ask her to take her main meal during her lunch break?

Answer 1

You are not being unreasonable to ask your daughter to take her main meal earlier, but you will feel guilty won't you? Could you give your partner a small snack of sandwiches so that the three of you could have a main meal together when she gets home? Don't be a door-mat for all and sundry, you have a life too you know.

Answer 2

Hi, I live in Scotland and have three children 40,37,and my daughter 28 ,all are married. I take it your daughter lives at home still. I think there comes a time in a mothers life, that we have to make a stand and start living for ourselves. I have just had my 60th birthday and work full time. I now appreciate that this is my time and I cant live my childrens life for them. We bring them up to learn to look after themselves and at 32 ,she must make her own choices. If she wants to stay with you she must eat with the rest of the family in the evening or get her main meal at lunchtime. Be nice about it but firm. If she's a good daughter she will understand, if not, its time she found her own place.

Answer 3

Is there another way you can make the two meals without it taking up too much of your time? At 32 we all might be doing our own cooking, she needn't take her main meal during lunch, prepare the ingredients for the meal whilst you're cooking the meal for your partner, then when your daughter arrives cook the meal for her, otherwise don't feel guilty about saying that she'll have to eat out or get used to reheated food.

Answer 4

Good grief, woman, she is 30 bloody 2!!! My eldest daughter is 27. Lives in her own house with her boyfriend - is also a hard working manager but the two of them sort their own life out - including looking after their own house, paying their own bills, buying and cooking their own food and generally being independent. That is how it should be at that age!

If you want my advice, just stop doing the cooking for your daughter. When she rings next time, say 'Sorry love, i'm not cooking for you any more i find it too tiring'

What's she going to do? She can move out if she likes cant she?

Answer 5

If your daughter is successful and 32, surely she can make her own dinner every night. You feel like you are being taken advantage of because you are allowing it. She is not a child anymore and you are not her maid. Just because she is paying you $300 a month for rent, dosen't mean you have to cook for her too. I don't get people who are in their 30's, gainfully employed, and still live at home and mooch off of their parents. I am only 26, work full time at a very demanding job, I still manage to make my own dinner every night and sometimes for my boyfriend too, and I have moved out of my parents home years ago. After a person turns 18, they should step up and try to be an adult, self reliant and take care of themselves, instead of expecting to be taken care of by their parents forever.

Answer 6

My mother has the same problem with my brother. He just turned 45 and still lives at home with her. My father is in a nursing home so he helps out a lot. He doesn't work except for mowing grass or putting up hay for the neighbors. He will wake up my mother before he leaves at 3 am to fix him breakfast. When she watches my kids for me she has to rush home to make him something for dinner. He draws a SSI check and all he pays is their cable bill and that is it. The rest of his money is gone by the 10th of the month. To me, our daughter is asking to much from you. If she moved somewhere else she would have to pay out a lot more and have to cook for herself anyway. She's making out like a bandit paying so little and having a live in cook.

Answer 7

she might not have time if shes working as hard as you say. I have worked like this and you prefer to have a 15 minute coffee and sandwich and get back iinto it whilst your still boiling with ideas and solutions to problems. I think your probably her back bone, a nice home cooked meal from mum when i get home and start to unwind, lovely! But you also have to unwind right!! You'll have to explain your seemingly 12 hr day to her and see what she says, i mean how long would you put up with her eating junk food or something on the way home, if you stop??

Answer 8

I'm a 31 year old woman with 5 kids and I'm married. The best thing for you to with your daughter is ask her how she feels about moving out, I haven't relied on my mother since I was 16. It is very unfair of your daughter to think you are running a restaurant because that's how shes treating you. You need to put your foot down and say enough is enough. You and your partner should come first considering your daughters age.

Answer 9

i think you should tell them both you have had your family and they both have to stop using you as a slave why are you looking after your -daughters two kids every day by the look of the age of your daughter you have got to be around 50 your self or there abouts so why are being a skive y to your kids i hope your daughter pays you the going rate to care for her kids and as for the other daughter that works hard either prepare her food when you do the tea for the rest of the family and she can warm it up when she gets home or she cooks her own food she should have to if she was living on her own if she dont like her food warmed up or out of a microwave then she cooks her own tell her to pay you more you stop looking after the kids and then you wont be so tired two birds one stone

Answer 10

Tell her the money she gives is for the rent and gas, and okay the groceries too. If she wants you to cook specifically for her, she needs to pay you more.

Tell her she needs to either pick something up on the way home, or re-heat what everyone else had. You are not being unreasonable at all!