Am I Wrong?

Question

before my husband and i got married we talked about kids and agreed that we only want two about two years apart. our first son just turned one and whenever i bring up the possibility of trying for the second and just keeps saying not right now. he says its because he wants to get out of debt first but our tax return this year will basically pay off everything but our two four wheelers that we want to pay on schedule to help our credit. i tried explaining to him that we will have time to get out of debt months before the baby will even come. i understand that it is a decision that we both must come to an agreement on but i feel like i am wrong for pushing the issue so much. any ideas on how i can convince him without violating his feelings on the issue?

Answer 1

I sympathise with you and your husband. Nothing is carved in stone; even if you and he agreed before marrying that you would have two kids close together, things have changed for you as a couple. Is your husband the only income earner? If so, Then maybe he feels safer having a margin of money for that rainy day before he commits to a second child. you don't say how old you both are, but I would imagine you are both young enough to wait a few years before trying again. I would respectfully suggest that you consider your husband's point of view for a year or two. He is probably worried about coping with another child. Sometimes we have to concede things for the greater good. Try and enjoy your little boy's early childhood. these days with him will never come again.

Answer 2

I agree with the poster who said that your husband might be feeling overwhelmed. I don't think you are wrong for wanting to try for another child, but it might be in the best interest to wait. This is something that your husband feels strongly about, so I'd try to compromise with him. If he's still stalling on having a baby after you pay off your debt, then push all you want. Good luck and stay strong.

Answer 3

Assuming he's really interested in having another baby, and not just making excuses, you really can't convince him. Marriage is about compromise. He's not saying that he doesn't want another child...just not right now. It's not unusual for people to have different feelings about a lot of things after they get married and have children. Before we got married, my husband and I planned on having two kids and adopting a third. Our plans changed after we got married and experienced how expensive raising a family can be. We were fortunate in that we agreed on our plan of action. I would recommend that you talk with him, explain your concerns and ask him to be upfront with his. Why don't you two put together a concrete plan on paper to get out of debt. Then establish a timetable for the next child.

Answer 4

Yeah, though u would have time to get out of debts by the time your baby comes - probably ur husband wants some breathing space or so - coz another baby means a lot of time,patience,effort,and responsibility - both must lovingly and eagerly plan for your upcoming baby and not if either of u is unhappy - it may affect ur baby or the general environmant in the future - how serious is he? it would be better for u to wait n support ur husband on this -coz u would want ur husband's support later on with ur baby too.

Answer 5

I think it is nice that you want children. as far as getting out of debt there will always be bills to pay, life keeps going on. The question i would ask if i was in your shoes, is want meens more the things, or a family. I don't want to tell you anything that would cause you any kind of problems in your life, or marriage. My self i would rather have a loving wife, and children then any 4 wheeler made or any other material object them things, can not love you back.

Answer 6

I think your husband's plan sounds good to me. He's just considering the future of your family. Get out of debt, save up some money, and THEN have another kid. Life changes, so you have to change with it. I would want to be as secure as possible before even considering having a baby. You never know what might happen.

I don't think you are wrong. I just think his plan is the better of the two.

Answer 7

well you have to take into consideration that fact that men in general (decent men anyway) feel that it is their place to provide for the family. so it's understandable that your husband is concerned with debt right now and wanting to make sure he can provide a living for you and your children. very admirable too, I might say. if you know that you can get out of debt before the baby would be born, then that is in 9 months time. would waiting 9 months to get pregnant really be too hard to do? that way you could both be happy. he'd feel financially secure and you'd have your 2nd child.

Answer 8

I think a good compromise would be to let the tax refund come, pay off some debt, then try for another baby. Like you said, you'll still have those months to pay more debt down. Good luck ;)

Answer 9

I would back off for a while and then approch the subject again. Maybe he is just feeling overwhelmed right now for some reason.
Worst case, your kids are a little more than 2 years apart. Not a big deal.
Good luck to you!

Answer 10

Tell him your on the pill and skip a few when he realises you are pregnant he will be happy, thats how I ended up with five.
Just kidding,give him time,its also nice to give your son time to be a baby,i have five kids far too close in age,my youngest is one and im due in april. Take your time there is no rush, if you are both feeling secure the baby will enter a happier world.
Good luck.