What's the most witty, funny, profound, or thought provoking quote you've ever heard?

Question

Anything from silly to intelligent answers are welcome :)

Answer 1

Winston Churchill once copied a quote from Dr Johnson, when having offended a woman, she stated that he was drunk, to which he replied, 'And you, madam are ugly. But at least, I shall be sober in the morning.' Great politician.

Answer 2

I have to confess to eavesdropping on buses, in shops etc. I have heard the following:

'She only went into hospital for tests, and when the nurse woke her up in the morning, she was dead'

' I told him he should get there by going past that pub that's been knocked down'

' that notice on the wall is getting really tatty, I should have had it decimated then I could have wiped it clean'

I once queued in a shop behind an elderly lady who was shopping from a list. She had trouble reading the writing and then put a ten pound note on the tobacconists counter and asked for 'two ounces of Golden Vagina'
I wished I'd known you could get those!

Answer 3

"It's not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or when the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions and spends himself in a worth cause; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who at the worst if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat." Theodore Roosevelt

Answer 4

two things spring to mind i had to visit an old folks home last week through work and heard an old lady talking to her friends when one of them was singing the praises of her nephew saying to her friend that he is very clever because "he went to oxfam you know" . funnily enough the second involves the elderly as well it was a few year ago , I was on a bus and heard an old lady say that they should have not brought decimalization in until all the old people were dead ?? its a good idea no one listened to that advice .

Answer 5

I like....

Lotus as in the car manufacturer is an anacronym for Lots Of Trouble Usually Serious!

Sex in a lift gives you the unique ability to experience all of lifes ups and downs!

Answer 6

"Without the Truth of the Eyes, the Happy Folk were blind"
~Gorillaz

"don't look back, something might be gaining on you"
~Satchell Paige

and the best one:
"Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching"
~Satchell Paige

Answer 7

In answer to this question - anything Einstein said - they were all gems !

By the way Eternal just wanted to circumnavigate the system and your membership of the Moral Coward Society to say Hitler didn't know the difference between Fascism and Evolution - I do !

Answer 8

All intelligent 16 year olds are socialists. At that age one does not see the hook in the rather stogy piece of bait.

Answer 9

The mark of your ignorance is the depth of your belief in tragedy and injustice. What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly.
Richard Bach

Answer 10

"No creed, no moral guideline and no commandment can ever be as satisfying, productive or liberating as the rule I live by: Nothing in excess... Including moderation." James Pieschke; 1996