My Husband and I have been married a year and a half we have been trying to have a baby for the past 10 months. He is 39 and I am 34. Before we married all four of us talked about me wanting to have a baby because I know first its a big change for my husband and second not only were the girls getting a step mom but the thoughts of a baby might be to much. My husband was very happy and said he always wanted more children and the girls said they understood and didn't mind if we had children because they didn't want me to miss out on that and they will be going to collage soon. In April we found out we were going to have a baby. The girls and I have always got along great but when they found out the pulled away and it was not the same. In May I had a misscarage and they seemed not happy but relived over it. Is it right for my husband and I to have children if it is going to hurt the girls or is it wrong for them to not want us to have children and miss out on so much?
2006-11-15 05:16:07 · 43 answers · asked by Jen 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
What you should do is take into consideration the feelings of these step daughters, however you and your husband are the final authority on this. The best way to treat this is with family therapy.
2006-11-15 05:18:29 · answer #1 · answered by newcovenant0 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
You and your husband have every right to have a baby regardless of what your step-daughters want. They will both be leaving your home and moving on with their lives. It sounds as if they are being a bit selfish. I would not worry so much about how having a baby will affect your step-daughters. Your relationship with your husband should be your first priority. If the 2 of you decide to have a baby, it is your choice and perfectly fine. It was nice of you to discuss having a baby with the girls before you and your husband got married, however, it wasn't necessary as that decision is strictly between the 2 of you as husband and wife. Being 16 and 18, the girls will soon be pulling away from you regardless if you have a baby or not. It is just natural for them.
2006-11-15 05:55:08 · answer #2 · answered by sevenofus 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok, nicely that's somewhat extra particular of a question. i'm curious why you had yet another baby so previous due contained in the relationship in case you've been unhappy?? I usually imagine a wedding ceremony could be held at the same time through all means plausible, if there is not abuse. have you ever tried marital counseling? Is it plausible you're only depressed and your husband would not understand a thanks to attend to it? you may get out extra and make some friends. attempt volunteering someplace (once you may take your son then volunteer for a mom's crew, or some thing that is composed of youthful children). Do some thing magnificent on your acquaintances. Get some exercising when you're literally not already doing it. you really look depressed to me, that is why i'm directing each and each and every of the concepts in course of you. i don't think of you should make major judgements about divorce even as depressed. when you're literally not depressed, then ignore with regard to the above. yet I nonetheless imagine you should get some variety of marital counseling earlier shifting ahead with some thing.
2016-11-24 21:03:34 · answer #3 · answered by kennie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am 39 and I have 14 year old boy/girl twins from my first marriage. I am now 29 weeks pregnant and due Feb 2 and have been married more than 2 years. We did not discuss us trying to have a baby withthe twins. It was none of thier business. When they found out my son was happy and my daughter was not so thrilled. It took her a while but now she has come around. She is helping me plan the nursury and the decorations and has warmed up to the idea.
These girls sound spoiled and selfish. Who cares what they think? they are adults for all practical purposes - yet they are still teenagers..... you should not let a spolied teenager dictate a major life choice like this. Onceyou get pregnant again, try to include them nore in the planning and see if that helps. otherwise - live your life they way that you and your husband want and leet these selfish girls live their own.
2006-11-15 05:28:52 · answer #4 · answered by jachooz 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This is your life! The girls are old enough to understand but if they don't you can tell them that your feelings for them will be the same as always. The baby will be an addition and nothing will be subtracted from them! Try not to make them babysit or do too many more chores than they do now.IF they take care of their room, school, share house chores with you parents, and take care of after school activities or jobs is all they need to be responsible for. That and their behavior. They should be EXPECTED to accept and love a new sibling. They do not get to choose or make you and your husband's life miserable. You are the adults! They will get to make their choices later.You parents hold the reins in this buggy ride!!!!
2006-11-15 05:30:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's a bit of a jealousy thing. They are concerned that a new baby will take attention away from them. It's something that's going to bring you and your husband closer together and perhaps his daughters feel a bit left out because of it, like they are being replaced. They are part of his first family, and now he's starting on his second family. This brings up abandonment issues for kids from previous marriages. But at that age, I wouldn't think it would bother them as much, particularly if you have gotten along great with them.
2006-11-15 05:28:45 · answer #6 · answered by Sunidaze 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is definitely your choice, but so the girls really understand why you want to have another baby? Have they been reassured that they are not going to be pushed aside. Even though they are grown, there is still jealousy issues. The girls have already been through a lot of changes in their lives that couldn't have been all that comfortable for them (divorce?, remarriage?) And now they are also going to be leaving for college. It is scary for them to think that while they are gone, their father is going to be loving and nurturing a new child. communication is essential and being the new mom is difficult. But no matter what do not let them make your decision.
2006-11-15 05:29:16 · answer #7 · answered by heather d 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is your life not theirs. The 18 yr is now a adult she has not got the right to say what you or your husband do. Tell her tough.
The 16 yr old must learn you remarried for a reason and if you both want your own child then she must go along with the program. She'll get use to the idea.
The reason for a miscarriage you could have been under a lot of mental stress with your daughters. Don't let them control your life.
Go for it and good luck to you both...
2006-11-15 05:22:42 · answer #8 · answered by Angell 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Its your and your husband's choice, not theirs. You shouldn't live your life based on what your kids want or don't want - you are the parents. I think their reaction stems from a fear of what their relationship with dad is going to be like once baby comes into play or what their perceived work-load is going to be. They might feel dad will be too focused on baby to have time for them anymore or maybe they think they'll be babysitting often or doing a lot more housework than they are used to while you're busy with baby. I don't know if you're the right person to talk to them about this but dad certainly is.
2006-11-15 05:36:27 · answer #9 · answered by chicchick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They simply felt hurt, because their dad was going to have another baby,the fact that they felt bad about the miscarriage is a sign that they are just two girls who had felt hurt over the conception in the first place.
Be an adult fulfill your dreams, have a baby, once the girls see its little face, they will come around, and be so happy. Good Luck
2006-11-15 05:21:40 · answer #10 · answered by dancinintherain 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about your loss...Choosing to get pregnant again shouldn't be a decision made based on what the whole family wants. If you and your husband want to have children together than go for it. They're obviously being selfish and will eventually get over it. Best Wishes
2006-11-15 06:01:02 · answer #11 · answered by Winnie08_98 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋