how do you get respect from your tenage boys? i do not use physical means and can not get thru verbally.?

Question

i am a single father with 2 teenage boys, i have raised them since they were babies, love them like crazy, i do not use physical force on them for punishment, they disrepect me all the time, no matter what i say consequences do not work when they do something wrong, they always say , well send me to a foster home if you don't wnt me, but i know they are just getting at me, they truly have a good life here but soemtimes i don't think they don't realize it, i love my sons dearly , i truly do but they are somewhat spoiled i guess, they have no respect, i need some ideas , do you have any????/

Answer 1

First, thank God for fathers like you. Your sons should feel lucky and blessed to have a father in their life such as you. Secondly, do you have any friends on the police force? If not, this will still work. Call the juvenile department of the police and ask to speak to an officer. Have them come over and speak to your sons, take them to a jail to let them see what happens to those who have no respect for authority figures. Show them the kids who's dads split and don't give a flying rats bottem about them. Let them see how blessed they are to have a father that carres so much about them.

God bless you.

Answer 2

I venture a guess this has been going on for a while and now you are starting to realize they are almost out of reach. Being a single parent is by no stretch of the imagination easy...I bet you have found yourself second guessing your own judgment ( well I have found that my self ) I found that some family counseling will help redevelop the boundaries for the boys ( I have a boy too, now 17 ) The counselor can act as a go-between for both you and the boys,and help you set limits you can keep and feel are fair. It may also be good for you because they can also help you understand the changes in your boys - some of the behavior you are seeing is just growing up and preparing to separate from the family unit. Please do not think I am trying to indicate you are a poor parent or that you have not raised them well - Two parent households have each other two balance things and bounce things off of - we single parents do not so we fret a lot and some times back down - a family counselor will help you to help them and help them to work with you and communicate with you without the hurtful stuff....I have also heard single parent groups are a good support, I have never tried them myself but my son and I did go to counseling for a while,and it has helped us both a lot ! I hope what I have said has helped and will make some of what you are going through easier. take care and good luck.

Answer 3

They walk all over you because you raised them as a "friend" - not as a FATHER.

If you don't get what I mean, ask yourself if you've ever punished them and HAVE IT WORK. You say you never physically disciplined them - then, how did you? Time outs? They don't work past age 6-7, as far as I've seen. What did you do for discipline after that?

Have you taken away all of their priviliges? When there were none left, did you restrict their free time? How many game systems do they own? How many things have they asked for that you've said 'No' to?

You don't get respect because you never demanded any as their father - you've always been 'one of the boys' and they will continue to treat you as such. Putting your foot down lightly now just annoys them or they take it as a joke - which they just beat you down with, with threats of leaving you.

The only way that you will ever get their attention, much less their respect, is to get serious, make a REAL threat and then follow through when they call you on it (which they will).

The next time one of them mouths off at you, SLAP HIM for disrespecting you and tell him that. If that doesn't get his attention or they don't take it seriously (for all you know, he might pick a fight with you for it), or better yet, tell you to put them n foster care if you don't want them, DO IT. Let a few days in the state foster care system scare them into appreciating the home you give them; ask them if they had a good time when they get back - offer to do it again if they disrespect you any more.

You've raised spoiled boys - it will take a lot of pain to correct their perception of you; they will probably hate you a lot, and possibly for several years, before they come around to respecting you as their dad. If you have the fortitude to go through it, they will grow into more respectful men after they go through that phase.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Sounds like you were there friend way before you were a parent. Respect is taught at a young age 0-5 (IMHO). At this age your are reaping the fruit of your labor.

Sometimes counseling and having someone from the outside looking in, telling the kids they are out of line is better. Maybe even like a group counseling with other youth at say a church or something. Teenagers believe they understand the world at age 14. You will not be able "tell" them anything but maybe others can help "teach" them respect.

Answer 5

They need to know that if they want something - they need to earn it. Want to eat? Then they should wash some dishes....no dishes? No food. Want to use the car? They wash it and detail it....refuse to wash? Don't get to use the car.

A sense of entitlement is RAMPANT in young men today (I know - I teach adjudicated teen boys in a residential setting....jail school). That's really dangerous.....so easy for them to say they don't care. Show your boys you love them by standing your ground. If you have earned their respect and they refuse to show it........then take away those things that will make them know that them choosing not to give you the respect is not acceptable. No video games, allowance, trips....anything. Give them only what they need - shelter, clothing, and food (it can even be peanut butter sandwiches and water).........until they shape up, they can EARN everything back.

I had a parent once who left a matress and two changes of clothing in her son's room. He had to earn back his sheets, pillow, more clothing, etc. by showing her respect and doing things around the house.

They need to learn respect now, especially as a single father - those boys will not fare well in maintaining healthy relationships if they don't learn now that they are NOT the center of the universe.

If that doesn't work...there's always counseling.....

Answer 6

i would try to involve them into my life more... try to remember yourself at this stage: what did you wanted from your Dad? Don't allow them to say things like "send me off for fostering" ext.. try to find someone with fostering experience - your sons probably don't knew what it's look like. Too much of Tracy Baker and all that TV shows about how lovely it can be to live at fostering home... You have to be a bit tougher, but not too much. My husband has this trouble: from my point of view he is ignorant to our teen most of the time but if he starting to talk to him ... he missed every single point of conversation. He doesn't listen at all! I hope you are will deal on the different way

Answer 7

Dude, you did this yourself. Spoiled and disrespectful and sucking off of Daddy's wallet and will be for the rest of their lives! It's too late now to physically discipline them, but hey, you can take everything they have away from them and make them earn it back. What is their "currency"? Video games; using your car; clothes, computer? What? Read Dr. Phil's book on disrespectful children. You bust them down to nothing but a mattress. Yea, they have your number, Ol'Man. You are being used because of your guilt about being a single father. Bust them down to nothing and when they decide to give you some respect you can give them their "currency" back. And Dad...you're a pus*sy and they know it. Go get yourself some professional help. Godloveya.

Answer 8

try not doing anthing at all for them for a week or two.
they will eventually want to know why you are not helping them in any way.
now you can talk about it cos its in their interest.

Answer 9

take them on a trip to a homeless shelter or a shelter for abuse kids, maybe that will wake them up and see how good they have it.

Answer 10

I think it's just a phase..try not to take it personally...teenagers
are hard...I dunno though..