My husband is currently in Iraq. He's been there for two months. He's been very insecure about our marriage lately. When we first started dating i cheated on him. That was over 2 years ago. He claims he's forgiven me and forgotten about it, but then why is he telling me that I should tell people that I'm single, and to forget about him. But then there's our one month old baby. He tells me that I can find an other man, but that our daughter will always be his daughter, and no other man is going to be her daddy. I want him to understand that that was all in the past. I'm in it for the long haul, and that I love him deeply and that i only want him in my life. Can any military wifes please help me!!
2006-11-15 04:06:21 · 18 answers · asked by Army Spouse 1 in Politics & Government ➔ Military
Sweat heart everybody makes mistakes.
Your husband is going through some unbelievably tough experiences. Life in Iraq is brutal.
Write him every day, keep the letters upbeat but still telling him how much you miss him, and need him around. Tell him about your child, tell him you talk to her about him all the time. Send him care packages, make them a piece of home, send your picture and a camera telling him you can't wait to see him again. When he says the things you wrote about skim over it, it is such an untrue thing to say it deserves little time. Remind him that he is the only one for you and that your family is the most important thing.
2006-11-15 04:15:16 · answer #1 · answered by Sara 5 · 5⤊ 2⤋
That is a tough situation...and when he gets back you both need to enter into therapy for your marriage because there are trust issues. You can get this free through the base, so don't hestitate. It is confidential.
As for the time being, be supportive. He is under extreme stress right now, and his emotions are going to go a little haywire. Write him and send packages as much as possible. ALWAYS be positive in what you say in writing and on the phone. Do not bog him down with complaints or your insecurities. Do not constantly bring up your infidelity or how you're "in it for the long haul" now. Just be as loving and supportive as possible.
Send lots of photos of you and your daughter, and videos if you can. He needs to see his family and feel connected. He's telling you to "forget him" because he is scared and is trying to make himself feel like you can move on if something happens. My BIL pulled a similar thing with my sister, saying if he died she'd get the insurance and could remarry....
It's tough, but I cannot say it enough, be supportive! BE POSITIVE. This is SO important. And please, when he gets home, remain supportive and patient. None of us can really understand what they see over there.
2006-11-15 17:59:16 · answer #2 · answered by Sativa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am the mother of a son who is in the Army in Iraq. I can tell you what I was told when he left.
If you want to see him again give him only GOOD NEWs while he is there. Do not burden him with problems of any kind. Keep all correspondence loving and kind. If this mean you keep situations from him while he is serving, so be it.
He needs you right now. To be STRONGER than him. Tell him you want no one but him. Give him HOPE and a reason to come home. He had no choice but to go and he hated living you. To make the blow easier to take he is giving you up in his mind. Setting you free. Soldiers do this when they are getting deployed as a means of survival. He wants you to think he is done with you so that if something happens and he does not return you will go on with your life quickly. He is protecting you.
My son is in Iraq fighting for this country for a year now. He jumped and married a college girl (on the rebound) just before he shipped out. They have not even lived together yet. He is paying the bills, taking care of her and she is having fun working for 6 months at Walt Disney World. She is meeting many new friends many men. She always told me girls dont like her and all her friends are men. I have gotten photos on my computer of her with men (friends) and lately nothing. I think she is dumping my son.
What did he do to deserve this?
But I can tell you by marrying her, it gave him HOPE to come home. For that I am Happy.
2006-11-15 12:40:42 · answer #3 · answered by Nevada Pokerqueen 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a military wife. It will take time for him to learn to trust you but since it has been that long ago he should know how you feel about him. Just tell him that you'll are waiting on him to come home safe and you'll will be a family for your baby girl. Let him know exactly how much you care about him and show him that you want this to work. I know from experience being over seas is hard on both of you'll. My husband was in Kuwait the first go around for a year. So be patient and just keep writing him and sending him care packages with lots of love from you'll. Stay in touch with his family and friends don't do anything to make him think you are cheating on him while he his away. Show his friends and family you are truthful and you love him. they will tell him about you and that way he can see that you do care about him and love him.
Good luck
2006-11-15 12:23:03 · answer #4 · answered by buddy95 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am not a Military wife, but I am a Vietnam Vet. Being away from loved ones can be a depressing situation under any circumstances for both of you. Being away and at war is even harder. Soldiers realize their mortality. The best thing you can do is to re-assure him by keeping in touch through many letters. Send him pictures often and tell him what you have told us: That you are in it for the long haul and that no one will ever take his place in your heart....with todays technologies you can send him a CD or DVD (whatever it is called) with pictures of you and the baby. He will find a place to view it. He, as well as many of our soldiers far from home, need constant re-assurance that all is well at home....Good Luck and my God bless our troops in foreign lands
2006-11-15 12:23:23 · answer #5 · answered by Tom M 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1st of all deployments are TOUGH!! I was deployed furing OEF5, and have first hand knowledge.. There is nothing worse then sitting 15000 miles away from home, and constantly thinking what is going on back home. While your in country you have nothing but time to think about things, everything.. Everyday he faces the possibility that today could be his last day on earth, and hence the reasons he tells you that you can get another man. He thinks about the cheating because, again, he has nothing else to do but think. Its a nightmare for people there. Constatly worried you could be killed, wondering what your family is doing, if they are well, if your spouse is being faithfull, etc. etc. etc...
The only thing you can do is constant reassurement that you are being faithfull.. Keep a daily log and email it to him for example.. Take pictures of home, remind him how much he is missed... Things like that mean EVERYTHING to deployed soldiers.. Take it from me, I was one...
2006-11-15 12:22:59 · answer #6 · answered by hockeytwn09 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
You are doing all you can to reach out to him. Continue mailing and talking wiht him when you can. Send regular pictures of the baby and you. He is also going though what many service menin Iraq go though. He is so certain he is so close to death he is actually thinking of you and the baby, and trying to let you down or out easy should he die. Many of the guys feel this way and will try to give their wives and family the easy way out rather than wait on a letter of a military visit to their homes. It's understandble, and sad.
So give him all of the support you can.(as I know you are).
2006-11-15 12:13:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
i am a military wife who was cheated on and we are still together and our marriage is strong he is deployed near iraq but not in it. hes in the navy. he is pushing you away. very normal stay close write him send packages. he is most likely doing this in case he is killed. just encourage him as much as you can its scary for them over there. when he comes home get some serious counseling
2006-11-15 13:21:40 · answer #8 · answered by kleighs mommy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once trust is gone it is nearly impossible to get back. He never got over it he just pushed the emotions aside. Now that he isn't with you his mind is racing a mile a minute. Scenarios are playing out in his head. Trouble ahead, trust me. Been there.
2006-11-15 12:13:12 · answer #9 · answered by only p 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Good luck to you. Keep reassuring him, but he doesn't trust you so you will just have to stick it out and put up with it and it is your duty to stick by him right now, no matter what you did. You need to make it obvious that you are being faithful and do overdo it!!
Also see MudMarines answer
2006-11-15 12:16:33 · answer #10 · answered by brokenheartsyndrome 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋