Should I read more into the fact that my new girlfriend is having too hard of a time letting another guy down?

Question

I just recently asked this girl to be my girlfriend, and she said yes, but a couple of days afterwards, this other guy that she had been hanging out with alluded to wondering if he and she(my girlfriend) were officially dating... She's a really nice girl, she has a hard time hurting peoples feelings, but it really feels like she's having "too" hard of a time letting this guy down. She showed me what she wrote him, and not once did she mention me. And the guy wrote back guilt tripping her, basically saying about all the fun things they did together, and saying that she will be the last person he'll ever date... it's just seeming like her feelings of sadness for letting this guy down are stronger than her feelings of happiness for me asking her to be my girlfriend. I don't really think I should step in and tell this guy the way it is, because it may well be none of my business, but I feel like I need to be doing something to fix this. How should I handle this situation?

Answer 1

sounds like she doesn't want to be the "bad guy." he is attempting to win her back, but she doesn't appear to be won. if she truely wanted to be with him she has every opportunity. let her handle the situation her own way. and don't get involved unless he does something to hurt her. if you try to get involved she may think that you are being overbearing and controlling. enjoy your new relationship and good luck

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Wow! I am the girlfriend in your scenario. My boyfriend just asked me to be his girlfriend. The thing is, I am in the middle of trying to let someone go too. We weren't hot & heavy, but we really clicked and were tight for a period of time. For whatever reason it didn't work between us and we stopped seeing each other all the time. So I start dating tthis other guy (my boyfriend). I'm totally into him, having a great time, getting close, etc... Suddenly, the "other" guy calls me up. This other guy, who I occassionally had spoken with and even seen a few times - for mere minutes, if that, but still someone I cared about and someone I wouldn't want to see hurt for any reason. I avoided his attempts to get together. Without mentioning my boyfriend. Simply because I didn't see any reason to hurt this guy unnecessarily if I could stop his atttempts with a gentler approach. So I tried it. My boyfriend, by the way, knows all about this guy and is completely fine with it. He knows I'm solid and with him - not this other guy. I'm rambling, I know - sorry. Bear with me for a minute!

So time goes by, this guy keeps calling, I keep putting him off, but without mentioning my boyfriend. NOT because I am still hooked on this other guy or unsure about my boyfriend. Truly it is because I am a girl who just can't stand to see anyone hurt. And I figure if there is a way to avoid the hurt that news of a boyfriend in my life will cause this other guy, then I'd rather take that option. As long as my boyfriend is not having an issue with it.

And that's my point - it may very well be the truth that your girlfriend is not still into this other guy and just trying to avoid inflicting pain on someone she cared about. That's all well & good if you're okay with it. However, once it becomes clear that you do take exception to the situation, your girlfriend needs to make a choice - hurt the other guy or hurt you.

My guy hasn't had any obvious issue with my situation and it seems to be working itself out over time. There is less and less contact between myself and the "other" guy so maybe he's gotten the point without having been unnecessarily hurt. It would have hurt him to know I had moved on so quickly when he hadn't. Just the way it is. Some guys are okay with that, some are not. Just like some guys are okay with their girl breaking it to the ex a little gently and some guys are not. When you're not - it's time for your girl to make a decision...Getting hurt is a fact of life - if it can be avoided, great. If not, so be it. It's unfortunate, but it's hurt you or hurt him

Hope it works out well for you...

Answer 4

You are really mature!!Cause any other man would just jump on old dude. At least you are being calm about the sit. You should b concerned not 2 concern. Cause being to nice to not hurt someone else feelings can cause static in yall relationship. For example, The guy you was just talking about can ask her out and sha says yes not to hurt his feelings. You will be mad. You should step to her in a mature way and tell her it make you uncomfortable to still be communicating wit ol boy!!1

Answer 5

I'm sorry, but are you in the second grade? Grown-up's don't ask eachother to be their girlfriends/boyfriends. Many relationships start off with multiple partners - you are in a race now to be the better man. I hope you win. GL

Answer 6

Let her do this. She's having trouble because he's really REALLY going to be hurt when he finds out he was dumped for another guy. She's just having trouble letting him down without making herself look, and feel, horrible.

Answer 7

well, its time for you to give her the ultimatum. Either end it officially with him or you don't want to be with me bad enough kind of thing. There is a point when one must grow a back bone and she is not doing that. She is disrespecting you and your relationship with her. And do you really deserve this?

Answer 8

sounds like she like the attention she's getting for the 2 of yyou. Dump her. She should be honest enough and have enough balls to sayt hat she has a BF and to leave her alone unless she's emberrased of you

Answer 9

Maybe she felt that mentioning you in the letter would be like throwing it in his face. So long as she was clear that they had no future, there really shouldnt be a problem.

Answer 10

Be Patient ..your just frustrated.. this is when u learn to trust...her and believe the best is yet to come..if u r not patient u could loose..hang in there and tell her u love her...