is it my fault my son is unorganized?

Question

i pride myself on my organizational skills.....although i am a procastionater...can you be both? i guess thats another question for another day....anyway... ill give you an idea that i am so orgaized ...everything is color coded ..even xmas presents...my son who is 10 has color coded his books for each subject.....he does not stay organized with it...what more can i do other than going thru his books every evening or going to school with him to make sure he has everything in its proper place...this has become a big deal because he has not been turning in homework because he has forgotten or has lost it. but i know that he has done it because i check it every nite....i work some evenings...and also have a 1 year old....i feel outta control because hes not staying organized...what can i do? and is it my fault because im over organized and did alot of what hes reponsible for now for years?

Answer 1

I imagine it probably was easier to keep him organized yourself, than to require him to do it when he was younger. It doesnt make it your fault in the sense that you're a bad parent, but it does help show you where he might be getting this behavior from.

In his mind he probably thinks that if he just doesnt bother mom will eventually swoop in and think for him, tell him what to do, remind him so he doesnt have to remember... that sort of thing.

If the case is that you always did it for him, then just go back to where you teach him the very basics of organization. Why we need to be organized, what it means to be organized, how it can help him, how it makes him into a better grown up some day, and how it shows him to be responsible so he can handle bigger more exciting things.

After all, a child who cant keep his school work in order obviously cant be trusted to keep his work in order AND have friends, or other activities. once he see's the value of organization, and how it can help him attain other things that he wants, it might help motivate him to remain consistant.

Skills are learned, if he hasnt learned it its either because he wasnt taught, or he was taught but not consistantly held accountable.

It sounds like there is an excellent base from him to learn from, and he's in a great environment to learn organization, so i cant imagine that him learning it would be hard or time consuming, its just the consistancy of holding him accountable for that knowledge.

It can be especially hard with boys, it just means being extra vigilant to remain consistant.

Parenting is one of those things where no one sets out to do a poor job, and no one expects to, and its often not until you look back in retrospect and reconize the point where a childs poor behavior took hold. What i mean is, its hard to notice something happening every day, its not until you look at the big picture and go "whoa, where did that come from" that you realize how to tweek your technique to help your child learn a new skill or behavior. Good parenting is always being able to look back, see the issue, and move forward to resolve it. Mistakes are made, good parents make mistakes, even 'perfect' parents. It doesnt make the parents bad. So never beat yourself up about something that you reconize or realize is there.

If we did that we'd never make progress. Ijust say that cause you sounded a little disapointed in yourself. And thats totally not needed.

Answer 2

You are NOT responsible for him being disorganized and I'll tell you why. Most kids that age are disorganized, its normal. The only problem I can see is you expecting too much. Your child will learn from example...he may not pick up on it or choose to be organized now, but when he is older and chooses to be an organized individual, you can rest assured that he will know what to do by your example.

Answer 3

You need to both sit down and help one another , As a parent work with him and maybe get some counseling for you both