discipline.....to spank or not to spank?

Question

my son is 10. he is very unorganized. i help him out as much i as i can but he seems to be losing homework and not finishing in class assignments. we had parent teacher conferneces last week and found out that in 2 classes he had incomplete assignments. the teacher gave us until the end of the week to make things up. we made sure we did. even tho he is very smart gets great grades on tests and teachers enjoy him, his unorganizational habits have brought his grades down to below an 80 in 2 classes. he turned in stuff for one class, but didnt for the other. he said he "forgot". other than holding his hand at school what can i do? my hubby decided he needed to be spanked i was not at home at the time that the report card came home with all this info. i would have taken his electronics away. my hubby said he did that too.

what should have been done? and what can i do about my son?

Answer 1

In this situation, I would say that spanking him probably isn't the most appropriate thing to do. However, I am not against spanking either.

I have four boys ages 17, 14, 12, and 9. I have had the same problem with every one of them. I finally came up with a plan that worked great, and taught them to be accountable and more organized.

First of all, you need to have a specific place in your home where your son puts his school papers everyday when he comes home. Buy a plastic box, put his name on it and tell him that he need to empty his backpack EVERYDAY and put his papers in that box.

As for his homework......buy him a steno pad 5" x 7". Tell him he has to write down ALL of his homework assignment each day. At the end of class, the teacher needs to sign it (to assure he has written them all down) and then, after he is done doing his homework, you will check it and then sign his notebook also. For every week that he does this give him a reward. Money, toy, something small, but meaningful. If he doesn't do it, ground him from the things that he enjoys doing, video games, t.v, playing outside, etc... I suggest a day for a day. If he fails to hold his end of the deal for 1 day, ground him for 1 day, 2 days ground him for 2 days etc... You have to be consistent and stick to it! It will work, I have proof!

P.S. You will want to talk to his teacher so he/she knows what you are doing. Your son needs to know that you are talking to his teacher, he will know he is being held accountable on both ends that way. Good luck to you!!

Answer 2

I have a 10 y/o daughter and it seems she is going through the same thing. However, when I asked her teacher about this, she said it was very normal because of how much the teacher/child ratio changes from 3rd to 4th grade. Class sizes almost double in that 1 year gap.

I don't necessarily think he needs a spanking, but there does need to be consequences and one of the consequences of not do your homework during school could mean going to summer school.

Spanking should be used for more serious thing than being unorganized. He'll learn, it takes time. He's in a place of major growth right now.

Answer 3

He's old enough now that you can take things away little by little until he has nothing left. Start with him not going anywhere other than school or somewhere with you, then watching TV, then his games and so on. Sooner or later he'll get the point. My Momma stopped spanking me when I was 10, she said I was too old for spankings and she would stop taking things away...I still remember the time I couldn't watch TV or use the phone for a week....and I'm 28

I understand being somewhat unorganized, but totally missing assignments is unacceptable. When I was in school, and now in college I write my homework on the tail end of my notes, that way I couldn't forget them....or maybe he needs a organizer to write down when his homework is due. .

Answer 4

What you can do is praise him for the good grades he did get. Sounds like from what you wrote that all he got was punishment for 2 grades that were below 80 which is a C I'm assuming. If all he gets is attention (even bad attention is attention) for the bad grades then what is to encourage him to keep doing good in the classes he did get good grades in.

As far as spanking goes, personally I feel at 10 yrs old they are too old. There are more effective ways to punish a child at that age, like taking away their electronics and/or grounding.

Bottom line is that the teachers seem to enjoy him and you said yourself that he is very smart and gets great grades. Try to find out from him why he is having trouble in those classes. It may be something other than him not trying.

Answer 5

I do not believe in spanking. That only shows that you are bigger and stronger than him and can hit him when you want. Being hit is humiliating and degrading. Would you discipline another adult that way, or the young man behind the desk at the movies? If spanking is not OK for other adults then it should not be OK for children.
Most children are spanked when their parents are frustrated and angry. That is to release their anger and frustration, that is not discipline, it is more like revenge.
I have a ten year old and he was having problems in school, as it turns out he has a learning disability. Try looking for other answers and ways to help. a homework book that must be signed by a parent and the teacher could help keep track of what must be done and what has been handed in. It also reinforces in his mind what he has to do.
If parents invested more time and effort in their children then spanking would not be an issue. (it is for those who are looking for the easy way out and in reality there aren't any)

Answer 6

Your worried cause his grade level is below 80% at 10 yrs of age- why not worry about something meaning full like why he is unorganized he probably has ADD not hyper just a day dreamer maybe? Try giving ONE direction clearly its to much to say go clean your room give specifics like go pick up yur dirty clothes and put them in the hamper - then come back and see me break down directions into simple terms Too much emphisis on grades your child clearly is smart, well liked, has friends, and generally does well in school lets admit 80s a great mark lots of ADD children are bored the subject doesnt interest them. As an adult if we dont like to do something we pass the buck or do a sloppy job everyones done it once or twice kids do it too! Spank him if you want him to hate you, how would you feel if your boss spanked you for not preforming 100% at work.

Answer 7

In my opinion, I think 10 is too old to spank. Also, this instance isn't about disobedience, it's about lack of organization. Perhaps you and your husband start tackling the problem and understanding "why" and "how" the forgetfulness starts and continues, there can be some remedies formed. Spanking and other such humiliating behaviors at this age will only prove to separate your son from you and your husband, because your son will feel as if you won't make a true effort to understand him.

This is typical for a boy of 10. Try a routine of a homework schedule book. Have him write down the assignments in class. My son said sometimes he doesn't even understand the assignment so he forgets on purpose or he does it and thinks too many answers are wrong and doesn't want to turn it in. My oldest son is a perfectionist to his detriment. I explain, it's okay not to be perfect. Try to accept your son, even when he gets and average grade. A's and B's are above average, even though we want our children to excel, it's okay for them to be average. Don't hit your kid because he's average.

Answer 8

As a dad of a 16 and 18 year old girls, I have found that spanking is not the best. I myself grew up in the 70's and found myself on the end of many spankings because of grades and it never helped me. My wife and I try communicating, asking "What can we do to help?" and talking nicely to them without yelling. Kids have a way of tuning out when your voice levels rise to a certain decibel. We've also done things like taking away T.V. and phone privileges, but it's always been a battle. Just talking to him may help for a little while, and if it gets bad again, talk some more. Kids like it when you take and interest. Good Luck

Answer 9

I don't like the idea of spanking. Whether or not he is doing poorly in certain areas. i think it is just important for you to check through his backpack, and maybe make a "special" folder for all of this homework he has to turn in the next day. Maybe one with a favorite action figure on it. Then it will all be in one spot. I think his punishment should be slight, maybe taking away his electronics (as more kids are getting so attached to them). Tell him if he can show you that he can do as he is told, and try to stay a little more organized he can stay up 15 more minutes. Just a couple little bribes, nothing too big though. Good luck, as I know I was so unorganized as a little one!

Answer 10

What your husband did was classic..and any child expert will tell you all it does is not teach your child anything but to fear his
Father and giving your son a red back side!!
Ask your Husband and you'll probably hear him say when I was a kid I was spank,,etc..

I'm sure your Husband meant well but your on the right track when
you suggested taking away his electronics...but you must also have a talk with your son..and most important Listen!!
Perhaps there is no problem at all with him but with something
going on at school...or perhaps the problem is you expect too much out of Him your Son is human and is bound to have some fails in his life!!