Short one liners, anyone?

Question

1. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

2. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

3. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

4. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

5. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh

6. Two termites walk into a bar. One asked, "Is the bar tender here."

Answer 1

A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."

Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? Both crews were marooned.

Two silkworms were in a race. They ended up in a tie.

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

A group of chess enthusiasts had checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's novocaine during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication!

A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.

My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.

Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.

Shotgun wedding A case of wife or death.

I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.

I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines.

Banning the bra was a big flop.

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.

When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

If electricity comes from electrons... does that mean that morality comes from morons?

Answer 2

1. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?

2. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

3. Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk?

4. All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

5. Will the information superhighway have any rest stops?

6. If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in?

7. Does fuzzy logic tickle?

8. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Answer 3

1. A skeleton walks into a bar and tells the bartender "I'll have a beer and a mop"

2. A hamburger walks into a bar and says "I'll have a beer" and the bartender says "sorry we don't serve food here"

3. A man sits at the bar and the penuts start telling him "hey you look nice. Do you work out?" and he was shocked to see talking penuts, the bartender just said "they're complimentary penuts"

Answer 4

I am a chav and I ate an apple. it was hard core.

A bin man told a rubbish joke.

How to you make varnish disappear. Take away the r.

A fish swam into a dam. DAMN

Answer 5

Lol.......thanks for sharing and the bonus from the others.....lol
....enjoy your week : - )

Answer 6

what do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back - a stick!

Answer 7

Those were pretty funny.

Answer 8

lol

Answer 9

well done!

Answer 10

ok !