Ok here goes my father molested me when from the time i was little up until i was 12 years old and I told my mom what he was doing so she sent me to live with my grandma. Over the years 2 of my nieces have came forth and said that he molested them too. We have turned it into Department of Human services several times
but they never do anything about it. Last time they put him on some kind of protected order saying he cant be around kids alone. Now the whole time he was molesting me and my nieces he was suppost to be a preacher. And everytime he gets told on he just goes to church and says god forgives him but he never admits to doing it. Now my family all beg me to go to his church but after this has happened all my life I dont trust church anymore I think all preachers are hypocrites. I get along with my dad for the sake of my family but I dont trust him because I know he will never change. What should I do ?
2006-11-15 00:32:30 · 14 answers · asked by Crystal 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I can certainly feel your pain. What your father did to you changed your life forever.
My first husband was a teacher/preacher/counselor who molested our two little boys as well as several youngsters from the school and church. He, too, was reported but nothing was done. I cannot imagine you going to a church where he is preaching. It would be so uncomfortable for you. I cannot, even after 30 years, go to church. I was always active in church but what he did changed me forever. I've grown closer and closer to the Lord through the years but I worship in private. I miss the gathering of the church family but I know the only really important thing is to love the Lord with all my heart and to put my trust in Him. I don't know how anyone could expect you to do more. Seek the Lord with your whole heart and He will direct your ways. God bless you.
2006-11-15 01:18:27 · answer #1 · answered by missingora 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are VERY admirable for trying to get along with him for the sake of your family. What the heck are they thinking by not helping you and your nieces follow through on this and what kind of church allows a man like that to stay in power after knowing what he has done? I would not trust it either! I agree with others that you may need counseling and you also may need to see an attorney just to get him out of the position where he can try to gain the trust of others. If he has molested kids he may move to adults if he hasn't already.
I don't think you should lose your faith in God. The system of your church and many churches is flawed (think Catholic and all they have been through lately) but not all preachers are like your Dad (and some of those Catholic priests).
You sound very strong to have gone through all this but MY opinion is it is time to take it further to help you (and your nieces) get over what was done to you. If your father finally gets what he deserves all the better. If he is never punished at least you will truly be able to accept it and get closure. Good luck! I know we all will be thinking of you and hoping it works our for you!
2006-11-15 00:53:03 · answer #2 · answered by AKA FrogButt 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get some counseling, stay far away from him. Unfortunately, your story is the story of many women within our society. The perpetrators of such crimes rarely go to prison. And they do not stop committing such acts of child abuse. I do not think you should give up on church, not all pastors or clergy are the same, just as not all people are the same. I would take my concerns of your two nieces to the local police department, they may be more effective in doing something about what is going on, and I do say what is, because he has not stopped. He has simply found some new victims to terrorize. Believe me, he has never suffered any consequences, he will not stop until he is stopped. Contact the authorities not children services. And find yourself a church family you feel comfortable in, God is Good and he will heal your broken spirit. Good luck to you and God bless*
2006-11-15 00:50:16 · answer #3 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
[My answr is going to trust that you are 100% accurate in your report, because there are times that in a divorce, a parent will coerce a child to false report...]
Sexual satisfaction and love are not the same thing -- his "loving you" is nothing of the sort, because parents don't have sex with their kids. You absolutely need to report it first to the counselors at school, who have a legal obligation to notify, and request that the notification be to the police. Along with DHS' turning a blind eye to your reports. You don't have to keep getting along with your dad, by the way -- in the eyes of the law he is nothing more than a child abusing rapist.
Just so you know, God doesn't easily forgive molesters -- in fact, Jesus himself said that it is better for "such a man" to be tossed into the ocean with a heavy rock around his neck than for that person in Judgement Day.
Most preachers do not molest, and a healthy percentage of them are not utter hypocrites either. I wish I could find a way to place a blanket around your heart that would heal the hurt place, and help you find a way to both be protected AND trusting again.
I have four daughters of my own and ALL of them know that when I am near they are absolutely safe and loved-- in the right way. Because that's what a good dad does.
2006-11-15 01:28:22 · answer #4 · answered by HeartSpeaker 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you don't need to go to church to believe, start a small bible study with some close friends and that should help that. no on the point of your father. this happened to me with my brother. my brother molested me up until I was 15 (I'm 22 and married now). life was and still is tough. he was sent away to an all boys school. now I know they can not send your father to that kind of place, but I would go to the (if he is catholic) next person up in the church and keep going up if you feel you need to. if that is not working threaten to go to the press and see where that takes you. usually they will do something if you say you will go to the press. try and keep it as civil as possible but at the same time you need to get help. I would say that small bible study and maybe even some counseling even if it's just for a little while. there might be things that you are unaware of that are bothering you. please for your sake do something to help yourself. I know you don't want to hear this but if you believe one day he is going to pay for those actions. yes god forgives us but you can't just turn around and do the same thing. god knows when you are being real or just blowing smoke up his ***. honey I hope you feel better and get some help. I will keep you in my prayers.
2006-11-15 00:43:10 · answer #5 · answered by a.gatenby 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
FIrst my dear don't let your hyprcritical father turn you away from the Lord and going into HIS house. There are all kinds of people out there that say they are Christians and don't begin to know or understand what that word really means. You have to know that what your dad done and is doing for that matter is terribly wrong, to ruin and mess up young girls in that matter. Have you reported him to the law yet? If not, why NOT? He is a predator of young girls and needs to corrected for it.. Me, I don't think I could get along with a person for the sake of my family. That man violated your innocence and your trust and faith in him as your father.. You owe him NOTHING and the family I believe is wrong for trying to push you into a relationship with him after all this... I would separate myself from him completely and don't feel guilty because you don't want to be around him.. He is simply hiding under the church, and the church is protecting him.. They all will stand before the same God I do and will have to answer for all the wrong doing... Get away from him dear one and ask God for His guidance....Prayers with you....
2006-11-15 01:15:48 · answer #6 · answered by tmjf461 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So very sorry to hear of your predicament. I was abused to as a child. Have you considered talking to the police about this? You know your father will continue to do this to children until he's stopped don't you? He most likely was abused by somebody in his family as well. Feel fee to email me. I suggest you get some counseling.
2006-11-15 01:36:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
your situation really got me thinking about how pathetic our world is becoming.if you want to get him arrested and possess the evidence against him, then arrange for a lawyer(there are many who do pro bono) and put this rogue of a father in jail.but easier said than done.i suggest that you pack your bags and leave your town because your family doesnt really seem to take any action.if u hav a younger sister, arrange for her to stay with your grandmom if u havent already. then again, easier said than done.be careful and be strong.
2006-11-15 01:02:34 · answer #8 · answered by roguefire 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Learn to hate him...He has selfishly dominated your life for the sake of his own illicit & illegal pleasure. He is a hyprocrite & will never change. In order to gain some sense of control over your own life, you need to remove him from it...losing the self to the notion of "family" is for the weak minded - be strong for yourself. And last but not least, give trust only when it is earned...
2006-11-15 00:38:34 · answer #9 · answered by brooklyncpl 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Stay away. How can they expect you to go to his church after he's molested you? They are ignorant. Seek counselling and stay away from that church.
2006-11-15 00:38:54 · answer #10 · answered by hello 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋