My mother had some serious anger issues. In place of hugs and quality time together she would show love by buying me all kinds of wonderful toys, especiallly dolls and stuffed animals which I came to love as I would her. Every child needs something to love back, if not their parent. Then she would get angry at me and overreact as a result of her own life choices and she would throw things, breaking them on our walls and putting rips in them with her shoes.
Now as a result I am debilitatingly materialistic. I cannot stand to see anything destroyed or damaged, even thrown away. I can't get over it. New things make me happy and seeing my things get systematically destroyed by my roommates makes me cry.
Please, I beg everyone who reads this, do not ever disregard a child's impressionable mind!
As you can see, I know the problem, and the cause of the problem, but now for many years I have been living without a solution. It affects my life so much, I will do anything to get over it
2006-11-14 23:59:41 · 7 answers · asked by Nénuphar 4 in Health ➔ Mental Health
I cannot afford a therapist and I do not have insurance, but believe me, the day that I can, I will go to one!
Ever donate your stuffed animals to Goodwill, then later see the same ones in the mouth of someone's dog being torn to bits? Yeah. I have bad luck.
2006-11-15 01:11:19 · update #1
I wanna be a buddhist! I love those people.
2006-11-15 01:12:05 · update #2
Visit your nearest Buddhist temple and tell them about it, ask them what they think. Buddhists are the opposite of materialism, and they often have extremely good arguments concerning why materialism causes sadness. They will not try to convert you to their viewpoint, but rather they are probably apt to show you a new way of thinking. Buddhists are also extremely patient and kind, so don't be afraid to bear your feelings to them. They will listen, and do the best they can to help without asking for payment. Hey, it's free and they can almost definitely help you at least a little. They probably accept donations if you are uncomfortable getting free help.
2006-11-15 00:06:31 · answer #1 · answered by Jeffery K 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't sound like a materialism problem as much as a hoarding problem. (I really hate to throw things away, too, so I can empathize.)
Having problems with seeing things damaged, destroyed or thrown away doesn't have to do with materialism or wanting expensive things, necessarily.
To have the insight you do about your mom is wonderful, though, because knowing what the problem is is usually more than half the battle. Meditation might be a wonderful (and free) tool to help you work through some of the trauma of your past.
If you're in college, counseling is usually included along with your student fees (or in public schools -- high school, for example -- you don't have to pay for it). This is most often coordinated through the student life office and all you have to do is walk in and tell the receptionist you'd like to talk with someone. If he/she asks what it's regarding, just tell her it's personal. They've worked with lots and lots of students before and can help make it comfortable and easy for you -- or at least should. Most employers have EAP (Employee Assistance Programs) where you can just call someone and talk to them (for free). The phone number is usually found on a brochure in breakrooms or from the human resources person/office.
Support groups are another option. Any 12-step group (like Adult Children of Alcoholics) might be worth a try. I've never heard of one of these groups charging anything to attend, and I think they even have online support groups. The thing to realize is that you're not alone and that there are many, many other people like you who want to make their lives better and get over their childhoods. It can be done! It's never too late to live a happy life. Best wishes to you. xoxoxo
2006-11-17 05:06:55 · answer #2 · answered by writerchick 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We who are 'different' in some way, are actually part of Nature's balance against those who turn a space into a mausoleum.
We are the clutter bunnies, the recyclers, the mechanics, of the world. When something breaks, we have the exact part to replace it. Now, we can overdo it and have to buy storage sheds, or a bigger home with a three car garage...
I recycle computers, and have discovered ways to make them actually run upto 50X faster!
I get older Pentium II and III systems, older Intel X86 systems, and older Mac systems and use them on networks to serve files, to act as solid security blocks and firewalls, and web page filters, and honey pots.
So, there really is no cure, other than our demise. We learn to rein it in a bit, except that every few months we will learn of the "Butt Man of Altamonte Springs" who has 22 tons of goodies in his yard and home, and has gone to jail for the mess... He claims it is his 'right' to own stuff.
But, he can't possibly recycle it all in the appropriate manner.
Or, we hear of the Cat Lady who has 192 or so of the critters, and is out of control.
Yep, it is a disease to collect neat things, or, to love critters, too much.
I am not cured, but, I am fairly settled with my collection of 80 working computer systems, and my library of 1200 books, 2,000 CDs, and 350 DVDs. Hey, it took me 5 years to collect all this!
Now, I am using it! And, trying to give it to less prosperous folks.
Seems there is a certain expertise that we have, that we make everything look so easy to use!
The many 'average' folks live a simple life, and don't have the wits to even try to use that stuff, so, don't want to be burdened!
Perhaps we are the higher IQ folks, and this comes with the territory? We form clubs, associations, http://freecycle.org !
2006-11-15 00:22:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The solution is simple. As your roommates to stop destroying your stuff. If they keep destroying your stuff, get new room mates. And if you don't want to throw things away, donate your things to consignment stores. Somebody needy will be grateful. And find a good therapist. Sorry your mom was so angry. At least you turned out sweet.
2006-11-15 00:37:32 · answer #4 · answered by phantom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Understand the fact that all we need are the essentials only. Sure have all the toys that you want, but if you havent used anything in the last 12-24 months, get rid of it, unless ofcourse its a airloom. The solution is within your own mind. Disipline yourself and be the observer of your emotions, not the emotion itself. Clear your house and soon your mind will be clear aswell.
2006-11-15 00:07:19 · answer #5 · answered by sunline 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to a counsellor. It won't fix the prob right away, but will work over time. You should be proud that you have seen the problem and are attempting to resolve them.
2006-11-15 00:02:57 · answer #6 · answered by Jer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should try to go camping for a while without your things... it will make you realize alot of stuff...
2006-11-15 00:22:38 · answer #7 · answered by Kayla B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋